TITLE: Keeping in Touch

Author: Suja suja@globalnet.co.uk

Spoilers: The I in Team (the B/R sex episode?), Expecting, Hero, I Will Remember You (none of which I've seen...cos I live in scotland)

Distribution: If you want it, You've got it, just tell me where it is.

Author's Notes: hee hee. I'm sick and tired of B/R, even though ikindalikeriley but only cos i haven't seen B/R together...I think Riley's okay, but he's not a good choice for Buffy - now W/R would be better( - but only if Oz is gone for good.) This is going to be a series, where I am going to fix all Joss's mistakes - breaking up B/A, breaking up W/O, breaking up C/X, killing Doyle, and you know... all the rest. I love X/A, don't get me wrong, I just liked C/X. I've babbled so much that the authors note is longer than the story!!

-----------------------

Hey Cordy.

I slept with Riley. What was I thinking? I'm so messed up after Angel, and its just nice to have someone who loves me. I mean, its not like I want to spend the rest of my life with Riley, he's just a nice guy, who happens to be in the right place at the right time. And the sex...well, its good, but nothing could ever beat Angel. I mean, apart from everything else which makes Angel far and away the best, the biting thing just does something for me, that no other guy can compare to.

I don't want to compare the two, because Riley would just fail...miserably. Angel is my true love, and its never going to be over between us. It's like Spike said "We'll fight and we'll shag, and we'll be in love til it kills us both".

So Riley is just a new experience, a college relationship, Cordy. Do you know what I mean? I just didn't want to be alone, you know, cos Willow had Oz, and Xander, well, you know Xander, he's kinda with Anya I guess. It's all about sex with them.

How are you holding up? Remember, I'm always here for you, you can talk to me about Doyle whenever...ok? I know it can be hard to talk to people who are really close to you, so it might be easier to tell me than Angel.

Anyway, we have something in common - an excellent night before, followed by the morning after from hell!!

Write back to me soon, and if you can, give my love to Angel... (And you know, even if he doesn't, that I can remember... Just tell him...I'll never forget).

Love

Buffy.

PART 2

Dear Buffy.

God, I don't want to know how good Angel is in bed! He's my boss!! And my friend! And I don't want to be plagued by your lusty issues when I'm working!! Only kidding Buff...You know he still broods over you...I caught him the other day, pretending to be reading, but he's really looking at this 5x7 shot of you in black and white...its like the most flattering picture in the world!...And then once Doyle...

Doyle. I miss him. A whole lot. It's amazing though, how quickly someone can come into your life, and become an integral part of it. I just wish we'd had longer. I wish we could've you know, done all the things he should have been allowed to do. Half demon or not, he was only 23.

And speaking of ages, isn't Angel's birthday coming up soon? How old will he be...245? Oh man, Buffy, he's an old dude! But good enough to eat, so there you go....isn't necrophilia illegal hon? Although, I guess you can't call someone who moves like Angel dead. I thought about telling him what you told me to say, and I think you should come here and tell him yourself....okay?

You slept with Riley? I need details! Like I have to know everything. Oh god. I guess Buffy, that a college relationship is one thing, but make sure it isn't too serious on his side. I know what its like when that improbable rival becomes reality.

How's Willow? I know we weren't on the best terms before I left. I also know what its like when your boyfried cheats on you. I suppose the conditions were different...but still...Oz is a sweet guy, and he'll be back, I'm sure of it. I got a letter the other day. He wanted to know about you guys, and didn't think I was in as close contact, and he could hear about Willow without telling you guys where he is...

Speaking of Xander....is Anya for real? She's like sex-starved according to him, last time we talked. It's nice that we're friends, and I'm actually pleased he's seeing someone. It allows us to talk without all that tawdry lust! Thats not to say that I'm not the tiniest bit jealous, but hey, I'm Queen C right? I could SO have Xander Harris. No, I couldn't. And I know it. He's too loyal...and I doubt he'd make the same mistake twice. I guess, maybe sometime in the future, but I'd have to get past Doyle. I say get past, cos you don't get over someone when you lose them like that, you just keep living right? Keep going, til one day the good memories take precedence over the pain of loss. This is getting way too deep for me...

Love
Cordy.

PART 3

Dear Cordy.

I got your letter. Hope you're okay. Hang in there, you'll be okay. You
still have feelings for Xander? Or just remnants of feelings? Xander and
Anya, it is quite sweet, but I don't see it lasting. It's kind of, well a
marriage of convenience I guess, and they like each other, but it isn't
love. It's nice that you guys are friends.

As for telling Angel in person...I'm scared Cordy. But remembering has
helped me a little I guess. I've finally sorted it out with Riley...We're
over. I feel pretty bad about it, but it had to be done. See what happened
was that...

                                              ***

They'd spent a great day together, having fun, no demons, nothing to
interrupt. Just the two of them at the beach. Then Riley leaned in and
kissed Buffy gently on the lips. She responded, and then he pulled back.
He looked into her eyes, and Buffy looked at him in confusion. He smiled at
her, and said."I love you Buffy". She stared in shock at him, and began to cry. It all came flooding back to her with those three little words. Him. Angel. She
could never say them to Riley, and she knew it. Sure she loved him, like
she loved Xander, and in a different way too. But not in the way he loved
her, not like how she wished she loved him. She knew what she had to do.
"Riley. I..." And she looked into his eyes, this sweet man, who had given
her his heart, and she knew she was about to break it apart. She also knew
she owed him the true explanation of why she could never love anyone. Of
why the only man she loved, she was destined to be apart from.
"Riley, I don't know how to say this. I think, no wait, I know..."
"It's over right?" Riley filled the blank in for her. "mmhmm." she nodded her head. "But I need to explain..."

She told him the whole story, and he was shocked at her discovery of Angel's
vampirism, and even more so at the discovery of the curse. He held her when
she painfully told him of how she drowned, and was distressed when she told
him of Angel's change after they slept together. He cringed at Angel's
merciless torture of Giles through the killing of Jenny Calendar. He even
cried with her through the Acathla incident and her sending Angel to hell,
just after he was finally himself again, and Buffy's summer in LA. He
listened intently through her tellling of her senior year, with their
promise to be just friends, until Spike's return, the problems they'd had
being apart, and their recommencement of their relationship after Angel's
dealing with the First Evil, the charade with Faith, and their subsequent
break up. The poison, and the fight to the death with Faith. And Buffy
curing Angel, he touched her scar gently then, proof of the heart-rending
tale she told. Then finally she told him about Angel's departure, and his
residence in LA. She even told him about the day he was human, back in
November, and how she'd promised she'd never forget, and had until a few
weeks ago, forgotten.

Riley was heartbroken at the end of what he thought was a close and loving
relationship. He had truly loved Buffy, and maybe because of that, he could
believe her story. He agreed with her that it was right that they should
break up, because it wasn't fair to her. She cried at how understanding he
was, and he told her "We'll always be friends Buffy. I know how lucky I am for that. We had a great few months." He kissed her cheek, and led her back to the car.

                      ***

So Cordy, its over. And you know what? I wish he had screamed at me, and
called me a bitch and everything, because I've really hurt him. I wish I'd
realised earlier, but I enjoyed deluding myself, pretending I was normal.
And you know why I feel so bad? Because it feels like a huge burdens been
liften you know? Like now I can tell Angel, and whatever happens between us
after that point can happen without any regrets.

Willow is fine. She says Hi! And she'll send you an email at AI a.s.a.p.

I guess I'm gonna go, there's no point in telling you so much via letter
when I'll be in L.A. pretty soon. This weekend in fact. Don't tell Angel,
I might chicken out. Riley thinks I should go speak to Angel, because if we
are so in love still, that hell's worst minion couldn't break it, and
constant celibacy couldn't, then we've passed the obstacles. We can make it
work, and I've believed that. We'll just have to see how it goes on
Saturday.

See you soon.
Love Buffy.

PART 4

Dear Buffy,

God what did you do to Angel last weekend? I mean, here's a guy who spends, oh say, at *least* 3/4 of every single day brooding, and this week he's laughed, smiled, taken me to a movie to celebrate the closing of a big case???

No matter what, you gotta stay together now!! Cos you know, I like this Angel!!

I can't believe you finally told him. And that also Anya made the curse permanent. Color me stunned. I didn't realise her knowledge of magick was all that great...I guess that means she's not so popular in Xander's book...And as much as I don't want to admit this, part of me is doing Xander's crazed dance at the prospect.

Doyle is gone. Nothings going to bring him back, and god knows that celibacy is not a life I need to live! I miss him, like so bad, but I guess it's time to move on....

I hear Oz is on his way back...but DON'T tell Willow yet...he wants to take it slow and see if she still wants him...

Keep Angel in this good a mood, and I'll love you forever...I think I'm on the verge of a pay rise!!!

Love
Cordelia.

PART 5

Dear Cordy

I have to say, THANK YOU! If it wasn't for you, Angel and I...well, put it this way, that pay rise you want? Consider it done!!

I mean, we've really only got weekends and special occasions together, but I don't mind. After not being allowed to see each other, weekends is like a dream come true. And, I like being able to do what I want, and really get the whole college experience while I'm here, and Angel Investigations has become really important to Angel.

I've spent a fair bit of time with Riley, but purely as friends. He's actually developed a bit of a crush on, wait, you've guessed it, ANYA!! I wonder what he'd say if he realised she's an, as the Initiative would say, ex-HST.

Speaking of Anya, she and Xander were having problems. There's only so far a lust-filled relationship can go, and to tell the truth, they were getting bored of each other. Xander's also pretty freaked out about her knowing all the gypsy stuff, and I guess that finally put the nail in the coffin.

And, Cordelia Chase, you didn't even mention you were planning on phoning Xander!!! The look on his face after you called was priceless. You'd think he'd just been told he could have sex, eat and sleep simultaneously - which is what, Angel tells me, all guys secretly want. So what's going on with you two? Xander wouldn't, or maybe that should read COULDN'T tell me....

I guess you know Oz is back, but its still a bit icky between the two of them. I mean, its clear that they still love each other, but Will was truly heartbroken, and it's taking her a while to learn to trust him again.

ANYWAY. You better come down here next weekend, Angel told me he's dragging you...last time Angel was here, we had a constant companion - Xander - which left us with little, or should I say, NO time for sex.

Love and hugs

Buffy

PART 6

To: 'Buffy' <basummers@sunnydale.edu>
From: Cordelia Chase <queenc@angelinvestigation.com>



Dear Buffy,

Oh...I'm still confused I guess. I do like Xander, I mean, I know it more
than ever now that we've been in contact with each other. The thing is
though I'm still pretty funked up over Doyle. And I know I'm definitely not
the same person that I was first time round with Xander...I've had a
recurring nightmare the last few months, and I had it again last night.
It's always the night Doyle died, and its always exactly as it happened that
day. Oh my god, before he died, there was this horrible scream of pain. I
don't know that I could be with Xander until I can get over this, but then,
I don't know that I'm going to get over it? But I guess we've started now,
you know, phone-dating, so maybe when i see him again, it'll be like it was,
you know. Lusty feelings ahoy.

So...Riley and Anya...think anything will come of it?

Willow and Oz...I never thought she wouldn't just take him back. I always
saw them getting back together. I mean they survived Sunnydale High, which
is more than Xander and I, or even you and Angel survived...granted, you had
a hell of a lot of obstacles than anybody else...like I told Doyle, you've
got the forbidden love of all time!But Willow and Oz...it's going to happen eventually right? I mean there's no-one else...is there?

Oooh....ooh. Can't believe it...I got my pay rise!! woohoo!! And my boss
is no longer broody depressed guy...he laughs. Call the papers...he
laughs!! ANYWAY...I will see you tomorrow...which explains why I'm sending this via email!

Love and Hugs
Cordy.


PART 7

To: 'Cordy' <queenc@angelinvestigations.com>
From 'Buffy Anne Summers' <basummers@sunnydale.edu>

Hey Cordy

It was great to see you! And aww...u and Xander...how sweet!! And thank god. I mean it took long enough...

So, don't feel guilty...Doyle would want you to be happy!

Riley and Anya...it's never going to happen. I mean, with Riley being so into the initiative and all. It's how he's been trained...it used to mean everything, so now its ahrd to break the habit of the last few years...He finds it impossible that Anya was a vengeance demon...

Willow and Oz. Whatever you said to Willow...it helped her to see that you can't have a completely safe relationship...

Well, I guess letters and emails is getting pretty stupid...how bout we just msg each other now and then....considering I tell you everything on the phone or in person now!!

Love and Hugs
Buffy.