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TITLE: Always
AUTHOR: Suja suja@globalnet.co.ukSUMMARY: A letter. God, i do TOO many of these!
SPOILERS: ickle IWRY one, erm, not much else.
DISCLAIMERS: Ha! I remembered. They don't belong to me. They're all
Poophead Joss's <not my name for him, but its pretty apt.> But IF i had
them, they'd be a lot happier. And the song Always, is by Jon Bon Jovi.
AUTHOR's Notes: Erm, I've been listening to old music. jon bon jovi's
always, and bryan adam's Everything I do, so expect some song fics. Anyway,
Angel listens to some classical stuff when he's in the shower <ohh, Angel in
the shower, HELLO to the imagery!> , so i reckon its likely he will listen
to some old-ish 80's/90's music. OOOH!! guess what. This could be taken as
a prequel to my fic Love of a Lifetime, which is a prequel to Love of A
Mother. It's all part of the same universe anyhow. So sorry, thats why
I've sent it to Buffy_Angels_kids. If it's a problem, let me know, and I'll
just send Love of A Lifetime to those of you who want to read it, as at
least half of it isn't going to contain B/A kids stuff.
DEDICATIONS: Cat, Stephen, Omega. Also dedicated to Rodelyn (FlipSmiley),
JenBird, and Jessi (Je8484) cos you guys give me so much feedback and keep
me going!! Sorry it took so long to start the prequel!!
My Beloved Buffy
"This Romeo is bleedin'
But you can't see his blood
It's nothin' but some feelings
That this old dog kicked up"
Feelings. Violence can kill your body, but the only thing that can hurt
your soul is emotion. You can kick me, and you can punch me, and stab me,
and hurt me physically as much as you like and I'll manage, it doesn't
affect my soul, but leave me, and love me, and kiss me, and hold me, and you
have control over my very existence.
"It's been raining since you left me
Now I'm drowning in the flood
You see I've always been a fighter
But without you I give up"
I miss you so much. I mean, you're right here, in my heart, but now, oh
god, after our one special day together, I just want to give up. I used to
deal with my pain, my hurt, and even my guilt by fighting. Annihilating
whatever vampire, or demon got in my way. And I know I left you. I did it
because I couldn't stand to be near you, and hold you back from the things
you deserve to have. Not because I stopped loving you. Because I loved you
too much.
Now I can't sing a love song
Like the way it's meant to be
Well I guess I'm not that good anymore
But baby that's just me
I mean, not that I ever sang before. But, it's like, even when we weren't
together before, I was always sure of one thing. I loved you, and you
returned that love with as much emotion and passion as I gave it. Now, I'm
not so sure. I know I said, I want you to move on, and I know that it would
be the proper thing to have you do. But it hurts. And it'll never stop.
but its over.
"And I will love you baby, Always
And I'll be there forever and a day, Always
I'll be there 'til the stars don't shine
'Til the heavens burst and the words don't rhyme
I know when I die you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you, Always"
I'll love you with my dying breath. I'll love you when I'm dust.
"Now the pictures that you left behind
Are just memories of a different life
Some that made us laugh, Some that made us cry
One that made you have to say goodbye
What I'd give to run my fingers through you hair
To touch your lips, to hold you near
When you say your prayers try to understand"
Oh...for just one more kiss. One more time. One more minute with you.
Every memory I have, i remember with perfect clarity. I run through, over
and over.
"I made mistakes, I'm just a man
When he holds you close when he pulls you near
When he says the words you've been needing to hear
I wish I was him 'cause those words are mine
To say to you 'til the end of time"
And I know you have him. Riley Finn. He's everything I'm not. Everything
I want to be. He can be with you in the daylight. But those words are
mine. I'll always mean them.
And I will love you baby, Always
And I'll be there forever and a day, Always
If you told to cry for you I could
If you told me to die for you I would
Take a look at my face, there's no price I won't pay
To say these words to you"
You have to know, I'd do anything for you. I'd rather have you alive, and
with someone else, than settle for a few days, months, years with you, and
have you die. I love you that much.
!Well there ain't no luck in these loaded dice
But baby if you'd give me just one more try
We could pack up on old dreams and our old lives
And find a place where the sun still shines
And I will love you baby, Always"
Aint that the truth, my Beloved. Not this lifetime. Not so far.
"And I'll be there forever and a day, Always
I'll be there 'til the stars don't shine
'Til the heavens burst and the words don't rhyme
I know when I die you'll be on my mind"
But there's a loophole. There's a chance for us. There's a way for us to
be together.
And I'm never going to send this letter. I'm never going to tell you it all
like this, lay it all out for you to know. Because if I did, and you've
moved on...I don't think I can take it. So I'll be subtle, Beloved, and
I'll drop you hints, and I'll see if you realise. Because if you do, then
its time. It's right. And if you don't. Well, I'll leave you to be happy,
and I'll be content in my blissful ignorance that you don't love me anymore.
I'll never have to live with your rejection...
"And I'll love you, Always
Always"
Angel.
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