|
TITLE: Even After You're Gone
AUTHOR: Suja Raviraj
EMAIL: sujaraviraj@yahoo.com
SUMMARY: Buffy rambles, early season 4 (NO RILEY)
SPOILERS: Up to and including the Freshmen
AUTHOR'S NOTES: It's a new fic after a loooong time...a bit sucky but have been inspired by three songs lately so figured I better get it out of my system...,
DISCLAIMER: aww, jeez, do we have to go through this. Not mine....The song is Jewels `You were meant for me"
"I hear the clock, it's 6 A.M.,
I feel so far away from where I've been.
I got my eggs, got my pancakes, too.
Got my maple syrup, ev'rything but you
I break the yolks and make a smiley face,"
Wow. College already. Never thought I'd make it this far. Although I'm not sure I've completely made it. I feel like a big part of me has been left back in high school. The part who know who she was. The problem is, I can't separate Buffy and The Slayer now. Maybe its been too long. Used to be,even when Buffy had life issues, the Slayer was not affected.
"I kinda like it in my brand new place.
Wipe the spots above the mirror,
Don't leave the keys in the door.
I never put wet towels on the floor anymore, 'cause"
God, I like it, I like the freedom of living away from home. It's just that, the best part, you know, not having to sneak away to go visit you, its been snatched away from me.
"Dreams last so long,
Even after you're gone.
I know, that you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me,
And I was meant for you."
It just hurts so much you know. Because I know you love me, because I know you would be beside me in a second, if it was possible. You are meant for me in every possible way, but maybe it is too perfect between us. The Slayer is meant to be alone. Buffy and Angel, they work great together, but Slayer and Vampire, it was never going to last. I see that now...
"I called my momma, she was out for a walk.
Consoled a cup of coffee, but it didn't wanna talk."
It's so strange. I went home today, and my mom has used my room for storage space for the gallery. Like I'm not supposed to be there anymore. I just feel kind of alone, like Xander is a part of the real world, and Cordelia isn't here anymore, and Willow and Oz, are exactly that, Willow AND Oz...you know, and it just makes me miss you more.
"So I picked up a paper, it was more bad news.
More hearts being broken or people being used.
Put on my coat in the pouring rain.
I saw a movie, it just wasn't the same.
'Cause it was happy and I was sad
And it made me miss you, oh, so bad."
Our movie, you know the french one about the food, and kimonos and stuff, it was the one that the Film Society showed tonight as part of the fresher events. God, baby, I miss you.
"Go about my bus'ness, I'm doing fine.
Besides, a-what would I say if I had you on the line?
Same old story not much to say,
Hearts are broken ev'ry day."
I'm directing this at you honey, and I know, that I'm never gonna tell you this, because whats the point? I don't really know how to talk to you now. We've never talked, like friends...I don't know how to do it, so now we just ignore each other. The distance makes it easier.
"I brush my teeth and put the cap back on.
I know you hate it when I leave the light on.
I pick a book up and then I turn the sheets down,
And then I take a deep breath and a good look around.
Put on my pj's and hop into bed.
I'm half alive, but I feel mostly dead.
I try and tell myself it'll be all right,
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight."
I get scared, when its night time. I'm half a slayer, because I almost expect you to jump out of the shadows to help me. I try my best, but they get the better of me. It's confidence, I know, but it took a pretty hard knock when you left me, don't think i'm ever gonna be the same...
"Yeah, you were meant for me
And I was meant for you"
|
