Buffy walked in the damp room. Dust kicked up on her sandals everytime she took a step. Bricks, wood and stone cluttered the demolished townhome. Buffy approached the sleeping bodies, entwined with a single wool blanket. She stared down at the sleeping forms of she and Spike. She noticed Spike slept quite peacefully, an almost smug, triumphant grin on his face. But she slept restlessly. A frown on her lips.

She didn't jump, nor move when he walked up behind her. She wasn't surprised to see him. He came to her everynight in her dreams.

"Things sure have changed since I left Sunnydale." Angel observed, standing next to Buffy, who continued to stare down at the bodies.

"This wasn't suppose to happen." she told him, her arms stiff at her sides. Angel said nothing for a moment.

"A lot of things happen that shouldn't...but it's not in our control." he told her, sliding his cold hands in his duster pockets.

"But it is," she replied, quickly looking up at him, "I could have controlled this. I had it controlled. But..." she trailed off, once more glancing down she and Spike.

Angel shrugged. "It happened Buffy. The question is...how are you going to deal with it?"

Buffy shook her head. "I-I don't know. It won't happen again. I have to make sure of that."

"Why? Why not just give in to him?" he asked her, "We both know it will happen again, no matter how hard you push him away...mentally or physically." he added, with a small grin.

But Buffy wasn't smiling. She felt the tears behind her eyes form, but refused to let them fall. "Why can't it be you down there?" she asked him, "It would be so much easier if it were you."

"In a way, it was. You were thinking of me the whole time, weren't you?" he asked, still grinning. Buffy once again looked away from the sleeping forms, and into Angel's eyes.

"How well you know me." she whispered. "I guess I was subsituting him for you...he was caring...some of the time. He seemed to understand me, to want to help me. Like you used too."

The grin faded from Angel's face. "I suppose that's what he wanted you to believe. But Buffy, know that the true motives behind that were selfish. Spike has always wanted what was mine. He has something to prove...to me and himself. In a sick twisted way, Drusilla would always be mine, and he knew it. And it ate at him. The best way to heal that wound would be to take something of mine. Fully and completely. You."

Buffy shook her head. "He knows he can never have me. Not the way you did. The way you do."

"The sad part is Buffy," Angel said, "is he thinks he loves you. He believes he has you, in every way he can now. Nothing you say or do will convince him otherwise. He'll continue to pursue you until he beats down every wall you build. Until he makes you believe you belong to him...that will be your undoing."

Buffy noticed the sun slowly peeking up from the horizon outside the window. "It's almost day..." she said softly.

"Yeah...but you'll be in the dark. At least for a little while longer." Angel informed her.

"But I don't want to be here." she whispered, a tear sliding down her cheek. "I don't want to feel like this. There has to be something wrong....the spell..it had to have..."

"Buffy," Angel interrupted, a bit exasperated, "You can't blame this on the Hellmouth, or spells, or demons. This isn't a supernatural problem. You're feeling this way because of you. And you need to figure out how to deal with it."

A bit defeated, Buffy sighed. "I can't imagine what you must think of me."

Angel grinned softly once more. "Buffy. Things are hard. For me. For you. There are things about me you have yet to find out. I can't judge you now, when I know you could easily judge me later."

"What things?" she asked him curiously, turning her head to study herself on the floor.

"You'll find out...but not now. It's not time for us to spill secrets Buffy. But soon. Things will eventually come full circle." he told her, taking her arm and turning her towards him. "There will be more heartbreak, and betrayal. For you and me. It will get worse before it gets better."

"How do I stop this?" she nodded towards she and Spike's sleeping bodies.

"You have to want it to stop," he told her, watching her eyes widen, "it will be a long time before that happens. But you have to be strong again. Or the consquences will be harsh. For you, your friends...for me."

She nodded, wrapping her arms around him tightly. "He isn't you Angel...he never will be." she assured him. He held her, then leaned down to kiss her. "Remember that."

Sighing, Buffy nodded and let him go. She went back to studying herself and Spike as Angel walked to the door. The sun was almost up. He stopped at the door and turned to her.

"Hey Buffy?" he called. She glanced over her shoulder at him. "Wake up." he told her.

(i go from day to day, i know where the car is parked, i know where the cupboards are, i know he isn't you...nothing's you.)