Title: All the Same

Author: Sara at buffyased20@yahoo.com

Spoilers?: I suppose! Season 6BtVS/Season 3Angel

Synopsis: ** ** = flashbacks - Spike informs Buffy of Angel's feelings for Cordy and she heads off to L.A. for the truth, and gets more than one surprise. Sorry for the ending, but I'm bitter!!!!!

Feedback: I love it I love it I love it. Er, sure why not?

Distribution: Take it if you want it, but send me the URL of where it will be!

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Buffy walked stiffly up the stone steps to Hyperion. She was unbelievably calm, for the moment. She was about to see Angel, and then, the fires would rage. She knew how it would go. He would speak quietly to her, trying to explain the unexplainable, and she would curse and yell and maybe even punch. It was her way of dealing. No, no tears for Buffy. Not anymore.

She lifted a small hand to knock and waited patiently, though deep down she just wanted to kick the damn thing in. Her mind doubted, but only for a moment. Spike had seemed to smug, too confident of his revelation that Buffy knew he was telling the truth.

**Sorry, luv, looks like your soulmate eternal has his eyes for another....pretty bitter pill to swallow, eh?"**

But, God, it had been a bitter pill to swallow. She denied it at first. Plummelling Spike in the face, accusing him of using Angel to hurt her. But he had only laughed through the blood running down his nose, explaining his weekend away, in L.A.,  where he happened upon Caritas, a karaoke night club for demons.

**What name do I hear being tossed about behind me? Why your one and only of course. Looks like Peaches went and fell for his seer..."

"What are you talking about, Spike? Or do I need to break a couple more bones in your body?"

"You know what I'm talking about. Sorry, luv, looks like your soulmate eternal has eyes for another...pretty bitter pill to swallow, eh?"**

It was even harder to swallow her damaged pride...and heart...and travel to Los Angeles when things were so hectic at home. Buffy only prayed that no social workers would pop up in the next couple hours. Buffy lifted her hand to knock again when a petite brunette answered the door, a huge, bright smile on her face. Buffy hated her on the spot.

"No need to knock, you can just come right in!" she exclaimed happily with a subtle southern twang. Buffy forced a small smile and stepped into the small lobby of Angel Investigations, quickly scanning the room for any sign of him...or her. But it was vacant, except for the brunette and Buffy herself. The girl hurried in front of Buffy, waving her hands as she spoke.

"Is there someone you're looking for? Or maybe you're hopeless?" the girl asked, that big smile still plastered on her face. Her grin vanished when Buffy raised an eyebrow and frowned at her. "I, uh, mean, not that you're hopeless, but we, h-help the hopeless...you know, are you in trouble or something?" she finished meekly.

**"Some brunette, could use to gain a few pounds I'd say, and some other fellow...oh it was quite amusing. Discussing Angel's unrequited feelings for his warrior...there was a lot of bigger words she used....kyreumption...or something to that nature..."

"Ky-huh? I'm not understanding any of this but the confusion."

"Want me to spell it out for you, Slayer? Nancy boy seems to have fallen for his own vision girl, Cordelia."**

Forcing a smile once more, Buffy shook her head. "I'm actually here to see Angel...if he's around."

The girl nodded, clenching her hands together. "He's actually, not available at the moment, but anyone here would be glad to help you out..."

Buffy paused for a moment, noticing the girl's uncomfortable gaze, before taking another approach. "I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name...."

The girl smiled again, "F-Fred...my name's Fred."

"Fred," Buffy repeated politely, "If Angel is here, I would really like to speak with him. I'm sort of...an old friend, and I think he'd want to see me." Or not...Buffy thought sadly in her mind, shaking her head of any thoughts that would pain her.

Fred studied the blonde girl for a moment. She didn't look like an attacker of any kind...her white top and black pants were simple, and didn't look like they could conceal any wooden weapons...her hair was pulled back in a stubby ponytail. She seemed pleasant enough, although Fred could see a dull sadness in her eyes. "Ok, I'll tell him you're here...?"

"Just tell him Buffy is here..." she informed Fred, watching the girls brown eyes widen.

"B-Buffy...? Oh, okay, let me..." she trailed off, turning quickly on her heel, she stopped where she was when she saw Angel walk slowly down the stairs, his eyes resting on Buffy.

"Buffy." he said quietly, a hint of surprise in his voice.

"Angel." she greeted back, a hint of steel in hers. Fred stood between them, nervously wiping her hands on her skirt, glancing back and forth quickly.

"Well, I-uh, have to go meet Gunn for lunch, so I'll just leave you two alone." Fred said, a little too loudly, before grabbing her purse and hurrying out the door. She shut it softly behind her.

They stood at opposite ends of the room, staring at each other silently, both with questions in their eyes.

"I know I didn't call..." she started.

"I wasn't expecting you..." he said at the same moment. They both stopped and Angel smiled weakly, trying to break the awkwardness of the situation. "Is something wrong?" he began once more.

"Depends on how you look at it." Buffy replied, her gaze dropping from his.

"D-do you wanna go somewhere more private?" he asked, shoving his hands into his pants pockets. They were restless, eager to stroke and touch what they believed to be rightfully his. His body always betrayed him when Buffy was around.

"This is fine." she replied curtly, desperately wanting to be alone with him, but at the same time loathing the fact that all she wanted to do what run to him and beg him to tell her the truth.

"Okay."

Silence. It's all they seemed to have anymore. She had come to him, so in her mind, it was only fair to be the one to start.

"I...I heard some news in Sunnydale," she started, her eyes resting back upon him, "I had to come...here...to find out the truth. From you."

His stomach lurched for a moment as he studied her face. It was expressionless. Did she know about Connor? Did the prophecy somehow find it's way back to Sunnydale, to Buffy's ears?

He cleared his throat before speaking. "Wh..what news exactly?"

She clenched her fists together tightly, telling herself to breathe deeply and not jump to any conclusions without hearing Angel's side first. Slowly, she made her way across the room towards him, until they stood no more than ten feet apart.

"Is it true?" she asked simply, her heart racing as she waited for him to answer. He crossed his arms and stared at her in confusion.

"Is what true?"

Buffy sighed, glancing off to the side before looking at him once more. "Don't try to lie to me, Angel..."

His sigh mirrored her own as he lifted his hand through his hair in frustration. "I was going to tell you, Buffy, I just didn't know when would be the right time. I mean, when we last saw each other..."

"I know how it went, Angel. It was the same as every other time we would see each other. Love, curse, fangs, and abandonment."

"I wouldn't have left you there, Buffy. It was you who choose to leave, remember?" He stopped suddenly, cursing himself for snapping so quickly.

"When were you planning on letting me in on this new piece of information?" she questioned, crossing her own arms against her chest. She could feel the bitterness from deep down begin to rise up.

"I don't know, Buffy. It's just been so chaotic."

"Tell me about it."

"And I was going to come to you for advice, on how to handle it. How to do things right." he told her, talking quickly. He knew it wouldn't make a difference now. She had learned of Connor from someone else. Someone other than him, and that's all that would matter.

"You...you were going to ask me how to handle it?" she asked him in disgust.

"Well, yeah...I figured you would know better how to...wait..what are you talking about?" he said quickly.

"I'm talking about your feelings for Cordelia. What are you talking about?"

He stopped pacing to stare at her once more. She was a sight. Defensive and standing tall. He would have believed her to be truly furious with him. But her eyes gave it away. They revealed a deep gutted pain inside. One he knew too well.

"Cordelia..." he whispered, letting it sink in. How in the world did she find out about that? "How do you know?"

"A fangy vampire overheard your...friends...discussing it at some place name Caracass." she informed him, wishing with all of her might that he would deny it.

"Caritas..." he corrected, continuing quickly where her eyes flared, "I - uh, don't know what to say..." It was lame, but he could say nothing else.

"Tell me it's not true." she replied coldly, crying inside when he gazed at her, silent and regretful.

"So it is true..." she laughed. "Oh, Lord, of all the surprises in the world, this one tops them all." she impatiently wiped away the tears forming at the corner of her eyes.

"Buffy..." he said quietly, reaching out to touch her, then realized what a bad idea that would be, and dropped his arm.

"No, it's okay. Who am I to even question you?"

"Buffy, you have every right to be upset, but - "

"Damn right I do!" she yelled suddenly, surprising them both. Anger was heated inside of her, and as much as she willed it away, it overcame her. "You have feelings for Cordelia. Cordelia!! Maybe you don't remember how she treated me...how she treated us. But I do."

He shook his head, "Buffy, she's a completely different person now..."

"So that makes it alright?" she cried, "Man, she must be a saint now for you to defend her. I bet she's all angel's wings and glowing lights, huh?"

"Actually, she's half-demon now and - "

"Just, stop!" she interrupted, holding up a hand to cut him off. "You don't have to tell me something, I already know. I just have a question. Just one."

She waited a moment, glaring at him through wet eyes. "How?"

"What?"

"How? Why? When? Okay, so it's more than one, but I was never math girl, huh?"

"I don't even know when it happened, Buffy, it just did, for awhile, but now I..."

"I guess all those excuses you told me in the sewer that day, those don't apply to her do they?"

"They weren't excuses, Buffy..."

"The whole lecture on how you want me to live a normal life...how you were a vampire, and the curse would always be hanging over you?"

"It still is, Buffy..."

"Then why can you love her...and not me?" she sobbed the last word, finally allowing the tears to flow freely.

"I don't love her, I-"

"Forget it. I should have known it was me. You're just like them. You're all the same. You love me, or pretend too, then you leave me."

He opened his mouth to speak, but was silenced once more by Buffy's hand.

"I mean, why should I be surprised? My dad, you, Parker...Riley. It's the same old pattern. And I'm sick of it, I'm sick of - " she trailed off as she turned to him in question. She then turned her head quickly towards the stairs, straining to hear what she just thought she had heard.

"What is that?" she asked him, moving her head slowly back towards Angel. He didn't answer her, but look at her in apology.

"It sounds like...crying? A baby crying?" she asked, her forehead wrinkled in confusion. She stared at him in question again, before heading towards the stairs.

"Buffy!" he called to her, running after her quickly. He grabbed her arm, which she promptly pulled out of his grasp.

"Did you and Cordelia share a bundle of joy, Angel?" she hissed, moving stiffly down the hall towards the noise.

"Buffy, you know that's not possible...I-"

"Can't achieve perfect happiness. I know." she whirled upon him. "And you would have with her? Wow, and I thought I was the only one."

He stared after her as she pushed open the door to Connor's room. With a sigh he followed, standing silently behind her as she stared in awe at the baby, who lay in his crib.

Without a sound, she moved to him and picked up slowly in her arms. Angel watched in surprise as Connor's cries quickly died away and he stared up at Buffy with wonder.

Moments passed, and all she could do was stare. He was Angel's. There was no doubt about that. Angel's son.

Finally, she turned, her eyes misty and wide. "How...?"

"It's a long story..." he began, trailing off when she only nodded.

"Who's his mother?" she questioned, not bothering to look at Angel, but instead she felt her heart tug as the baby wrapped his tiny fingers around her own.

"Darla..."

Shocked, Buffy almost choked. She stared up at him again, trying to stutter out a response.

"Again...long story. There was a prophecy...in a time of darkness...I slept with her. And she got pregnant...and now I have him."

She felt her own stomach turn. Angel slept with Darla...biting back the need to throw up, she took a deep breath. "What happened to Darla? I thought she was dust."

"She is...again. Some...lawyers...resurrected her..." he explained, walking over to where Buffy and Connor stood. He ran his hand lovingly over the infant's hair, fighting the urge to do the same to her. "She sacrificed herself to save him. But he's still in danger, there are a lot of people who want him, dead or alive."

Buffy absorbed the information, her mind a jumbled mess. "You never told me..."

"I know, Buffy, I'm sorry. There are so many things I wanted to tell you. The whole thing with Cordelia..." was a mistake, he thought. He knew that now. Just seeing her again. Was it that easy? Just one moment with her could cause him to forget everything...and everyone else?  

He had been wrong, so wrong, to think he could forget her. Angel lifted his hand to stroke her face, disappointed when she turned away slowly, placing Connor back in his crib.

She faced him calmlyand he felt the small ball of panic in his stomach when he noticed and odd blankness in her eyes.

"For so long, Angel, I had been holding on. I held so tightly to that thread of hope. That you still loved me, and that one day we would be together."

"Buffy - "

"Please let me finish." she told him softly, "The things I've been going through at home, don't match up to what you must have been dealing with. You have a child, Angel." She wiped the tears away impatiently. "But you didn't feel I was important enough to tell me."

He wanted to shout, to cry. Anything to make her believe that she was one of the most important things in his life, even though they're apart. But she was filled with resolve, and it frightened him.

"I wanted to tell you, Buffy...you don't know how badly I wanted too..." he explained, his voice shaking.

"The bottom line is, you didn't. And I understand. But what we have...had," she quickly corrected herself, "is broken. It broke the minute you fell for...Cordelia, it broke the minute that baby was born, and you decided not to tell me. To me, this was all a lie. And I'm so tired of lies. I'm so tired of the people I trust and love, betraying me, and leaving me. I'm done with it." she whispered.

She moved past him, closing her eyes briefly when her shoulder brushed his arm. The heat was there, the electricity. But she ignored it as she stopped under the doorway to look at him once more.

"And I'm done with you." Pressing her lips together firmly, she walked away.

Angel stared after her, long after she disappeared from view, long after the door shut quietly below. Long after he heard the engine of her car start, then fade away in the distance.

Finally, he slumped against the wall, sliding down to the floor. He pressed the palms of his hands against his forehead and choked back a sob. She had come and gone so quickly, his head was still spinning from it all. But his unbeating heart was broken.

And as he sat there in silence and defeat, his head in his hands, he cursed himself for ruining it all, and losing her forever.