TITLE: Just to hold you once again
AUTHOR: Sara
E-MAIL: buffyased20@yahoo.com
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Buffy, Angel or anything else you can sue me for saying I own.
TIMELINE: Season 5 Buffy
SPOILERS: The Gift sort of
SYNOPSIS: Angel learns about Buffy's death another way. They never traveled to Plyea and Angel is dreaming. Or is he?
DISTRIBUTION: Sure! But please just let me know first.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Hi!
FEEDBACK: Yes please, I love feedback..!
RATING: PG-13

Life was perfect. He breathed in the scent of the sea, mixing with the flowery scent of her hair. Hand in hand, Angel and Buffy strolled along the beach, sanding squishing through their toes, the foamy waves crashing against their ankles. He smiled down at her and she back at him. Her eyes sparkled, her smile wide. The last time he had felt like this he lost his soul...but no longer. He was human, and she was his now. Only his.

He stopped her on the beach, pulling her close. Angel bent down slowly and kissed her lips gently. "I love you," he whispered.

Gasping, Angel shot up in bed. Sweat trickled down his forehead, and he could have sworn his unbeating heart was racing. What was wrong with him, he wondered, he had dreams like that every night and he never woke up terrified. Swallowing, Angel ran his hand over his forehead and down his cheek. Something inside him felt uneasy...the air around him was unsettling.

He reached over to switch on his bedside lamp, but the light didn't appear. Damn wiring in this old place, he thought, sighing. He began to get out of bed when he noticed her. She sat in the chair adjacent to his bed. And she watched him. Silently. Intently.

"Buffy?" he asked, confused. "What are you doing here? Is something wrong?"

She didn't answer, but stood and walked over to the edge of his bed. The moonlight reflected off of her, the rays shining through her long blonde hair. She wore white...shimmering and flowing in the night. Her eyes were peaceful and serene.

"Buffy...?" he asked again, reaching out to touch her.

"I had to see you." she whispered. There was something different about her, but it didn't frighten Angel. She was relaxed....it had been a long time since he had seen her relaxed. Calm.

"Why? What is it? What's going on?" he asked. Was she in trouble? What something happening back in Sunnydale?

Buffy reached out and stroked his damp cheek. "I had to come say goodbye to you. I don't have much time..." her voice trailed off and for a split second, he saw grief in her eyes, but it passed quickly.

"Goodbye?" Panic began to rise up inside of him. "Where are you going?"

She laughed a little, the sound filling his room. "I don't know yet...."

"Buffy I don't understand." He took her hand in his, surprised at how warm she felt.

"Something's happened...you'll find out soon. But I had to let you know first, it will be easier this way." she assured him, sitting down on the bed next to him.

"What happened? Is it Giles? Your friends?" He had never been so confused before. That uneasy feeling was back, churning inside his stomach.

"Death, Angel. It was my gift. So she could live...so you could live." she told him, gazing into his eyes.

"Death?" he asked, as the realization burst through him like a freight train, "Oh God...no, Buffy..."

"Shh," she silenced him, sliding her fingers over his lips. "It was my gift...I had to come and tell you...see you...you were the last thing I saw before I left..." her voice got quiet as a tear slid down her cheek.

Angel shook his head in denial, "No...this is a dream...it's just a warning...it can be prevented..." He pulled her to him, much like he had in his dream moments before. He buried his face in her hair and wept.

"Don't leave me. I can't face this world without you in it..." he cried, holding onto her tightly when she began to pull away.

"Angel, mourn me. Then live. Seek happiness, because I know you'll receive it." she whispered, smiling at the thought.

"Happiness doesn't exsist without you." he said simply, trying to ignore the pain that leaked through him.

"It will...it will come to you." she said to him, leaning forward to kiss him deeply. He rolled her over, moving his body over hers. She sighed in pleasure as her hands slid through his hair. They made love slowly, savoring each moment they were together, knowing it would be their last. After it was over, they lay side by side, his head lay on her chest, listening to her heartbeat.

"I love you." he told her when she finally pulled away, slipping a small object into his palm. He looked down, almost crying again when he saw the small claddagh ring he had given her five years ago.

She moved to the window, turned back to him and smiled. "I love you Angel...always."

The light blinded him, and he threw his arms up to sheild his eyes from it as he called out her name.

It was almost like deja vu again. He shot up in bed, gasping for air. The light was gone, the curtains pulled tightly shut against the rising sun. There was no sign of Buffy. He looked down at the clock, it was early morning.  Had it happened at all? Angel quickly leaned over to switch on the lamp. Light filled the room instantly as he glanced towards the chair. It sat empty.

Angel let out a crazed laugh. It had been a dream. Buffy wasn't dead...thank God, he thought, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and reach down to grab his pants from the floor. He had to call her...he had to see her again.

Dressing quickly, he ran downstairs, calling out good mornings to the gang surrounding the leather sofa.

"Angel..." Wesley called to him, his voice weak. Angel grabbed the phone off the hook. "I can't talk now Wes, I have to -" he stopped abruptly when he noticed the redhead sitting on the sofa, staring at him with grief filled eyes, her arms crossed tightly around her.

"Angel..." she began, slowly getting to her feet. He knew. He set the phone back on the hook.

"It's Buffy." he whispered.

Willow nodded and began sobbing. Wesley walked up, hugging her tightly. Cordelia hurried to Angel's side.

"I'm so sorry Angel...what can I do? What can we do?" she asked, her heart hurting for her friend's loss. She knew what Angel and Buffy meant to each other...and even so, she couldn't begin to comprehend what this was doing to him.

He didn't say anything. He slowly walked past her, past Gunn and Wesley and the grief stricken Willow. He walked up the stairs and into his room, shutting his door without saying a word. Numb, he sat on the edge of his bed, staring down at his hands.

A glint of silver caught the corner of his eye. It hadn't been a dream...she had come to him last night to tell him she had passed. To somehow make it easier for him. They had made love...then she had gone. Odd, he felt peaceful inside. Of course the grief was still raw, he didn't know when it would disappear, if ever. But seeing her again...it had helped. He picked up the object, smiling to himself through the tears. She was at peace...and he knew someday he would be with her.

I love you Buffy, he thought, sliding the small claddagh ring on his finger, always.