Title: Taken From Paradise
Author: Ashlee
E-mail: RubysAndPearls@aol.com
Disclaimer: Don't own them. Don't sue me.
Distribution: I'd be honored! Just let me know where it is going.
Rating: PG-13 for some naughty language.
Pairing: B/A
Summary: Angst Fic. What if Angel killed himself and met Buffy up in heaven?

It has been one week since Buffy died. She has sacrificed herself to save her sister's life. Everything had been a downward spiral since then. Angel started having strange dreams were his beloved would beckon him, whisper promises of a horrible future if he didn't come to her. The blond slayer would always be swaying in a beautiful meadow, the soft wind rustling her hair and the sun shining brightly. She was both demanding and gentle and Angel would wake with a start, reaching out to her. He hadn't fed in a while and he suddenly become very irritable. He would snap at Cordy for telling him to get out of his funk. What if he didn't want to get out of his funk? Living and facing reality was something Angel couldn't do right now. Not if Buffy wasn't.

Sure, he would go out and fight the fight. Be everyone's hero and champion but it was getting old. Angel grew more tired with every vision that Cordy had. He could often hear Buffy's voice gently in his ears and everything would be pushed until later. Even saving lives. Gunn had blown up at him for not being fast enough to respond to one of Cordy's vision. A twenty year old woman died because of Angel's sluggishness. The worst part was that Angel didn't even care.

He would hear Cordy and Wesely talking about him behind his back and he could hear Gunn say that they should just put him out of his misery. That everything he was feeling would turn into, what Cordy called, the Darla fiasco. But everything he was feeling was *not* what he felt with Darla. Then he had felt pain and guilt, then he had felt nothing. With Buffy, he felt her calling to him, kissing away his worries and feelings and soothing his aches. Then there would be that terrible ache and the feeling of a large void in his heart and soul.

The dark vampire sighed. He smoothed an invisible crease on each of the five letters that sat next to him. Angel was in the garden and had five letters piled up next to him. The letters were tucked safely in white envelopes and they spoke of thanks and asking for forgiveness from everyone. Each letter was for his so-called family and one was saved for Giles. Even though, he knew that they would not forgive him and blame themselves for his death. Sunrise was in ten minutes. Angel sat back in his seat and closed his eyes. Back in Ireland, Angel was always a religious man. He, or rather Liam, was born Roman Catholic and he knew that suicide was a mortal sin. Or something very hard to be forgiven. He shrugged off the thought. He had sinned so many times, one more wouldn't hurt. He deserved to go to hell.

The demon howled inside his head and pushed against the confinements of Angel's soul. The demon didn't want to die, stuck in a body with a soul was better than eternal suffering in Hell. Angel relaxed although every cell in his body screamed for him to run for cover, find shade.

The first rays of dawn shown over the mountains, that were invisible to the human eye due to all of the smog over the city, and slowly started to cover the city of Los Angeles. Angel's eyes opened and he gazed at awe as the darkness retreated from the sky and the sun crept forward. The sky was painted beautiful colors that you couldn't find anywhere else. Angel drank everything in as the sun shined downed on him. Angel felt a far away pain and he smelled smoke. To an outsider, Angel's body was smoking and half on fire but to Angel it felt like a lover's caress. He couldn't feel anything. This was strange because he has experienced death and knew it was painful. He wasn't prepared for this nothingness. He took one last look at the sun before everything went dark.

****

Angel wrapped his arms tighter around his love. Buffy sighed happily and snuggled back into him. When Angel opened his eyes he was in a meadow with flowers and a beautiful lake. The couple sat under a large weeping willow tree but the sunlight was beaming brightly. Buffy was wrapped tightly in his arms and that was far more breathtaking than this paradise. The feeling of peace and love was thick in the air. Angel couldn't, for the life of him, remember what it was to feel guilt and pain. Since he felt it for so long it was almost lonely without it. Almost. At a point he wanted to feel bad for leaving everyone behind, but he couldn't. There was no self hate, grief, or pity in this place. Buffy had said it was heaven but Angel couldn't really believe it. He suddenly knew everything. He knew that he was in heaven. He knew that his family was here somewhere. He knew that his friends were safe and they forgave him. He knew that his demon was suffering in Hell and he was not.

"How long have you been here?" Angel murmured in her ear, kissing her long golden hair. Buffy giggled.

"A year."

"Hmm. Time is longer here." Angel pondered.

"I'm glad it is." Buffy said and turned around in his arms, facing him. Angel could see the familiar spark in her eyes that he last saw when she sixteen. Angel realized how hard it was for her all these years. She was free now. Angel leaned in for a kiss but Buffy evaded his grip, running from him. She jumped up and down childishly.

"Come on, love. I don't think skinny dipping is illegal in heaven." Buffy turned away from him, ridding herself of her clothes and jumping into the lake. Angel stared at her in awe before running to join her. This truly was heaven.

****

Willow smiled, it was the first real smile since her best friend had died. She knew that Buffy was not happy, she could somehow feel it. God, Buffy might be in some Hell dimension, just like Angel was. Willow had heard stories of Angel when he came back an animal and how scared Buffy was. She was going to bring back Buffy before that happened to her. The redhead skimmed the pages once more, checking for any mistakes or hidden messages. They had been looking for months but now she finally found the spell she needed to bring Buffy Summers back.

"This is it. We can bring her back now. She will be so happy when she sees us." Willow said, reassuring herself as much as she was reassuring the others around her. Xander and Anya nodded their headsbut Tara paused.

"Are you sure about this? This is going against the forces of nature and the will of a higher being. Maybe Buffy was meant to die that day." Tara said slowly, trying not to upset her girlfriend anymore. Buffy was her friend too but something wasn't right about this.

"You mean, what if Buffy was meant to die and suffer in Hell?" Willow snapped.

"We are not sure she is in Hell. Buffy was a good person." Tara replied, feeling anger bubble up inside her.

"The portal was opening a dimension for a different world, an ugly world, and
Buffy jumped into it. The chances are pretty slim that she went anywhere but that ugly world." Willow snapped, angry that her girlfriend was going against her. She wanted Buffy back right now. Maybe she was being selfish but who cares? Xander and Anya wanted this more than ever. Dawn wanted Buffy back too, though they didn't tell the teenager.

"Then why are you hiding this from Giles?" Tara accused. She knew that Willow felt something wrong about this but she was blinded by her dependence on the slayer.

"Tara, are you going to help us do this or not?" Willow asked slowly. Anya and Xander watched the argument, weighing each side.

"This is a very dangerous spell, Will-" Tara was cut off.

"Answer me!" Willow yelled, slamming her fist down on the table and she felt tears sting the back of her eyes.

Tara glared at her for a long time. She knew that there was nothing that she could do to stop her girlfriend when she was determined. Tara also knew that something was not right about this and performing the spell would be a serious risk for Willow to take if Tara was not there helping with the ceremonies.

"No." Tara said, she spun on her heels and left the magic shop. She didn't want any part of this.

"Forget her." Willow said angrily.

"Willow, maybe she is right." Xander spoke softly.

"No, Xander, not you too. I'm going to bring Buffy back and you can help me or run like a coward." Willow snapped. Xander looked down at his hands and swallowed.

"When?" Xander asked, his decision final.

"Sundown." Willow replied.

****
"Calm down, Cordelia. Please, I hardly understand a word you are saying." Giles said, standing in his apartment. He was on the phone with a blubbering Cordelia and he hadn't gotten any sleep since Buffy... Giles stopped his train of thought. He had shed his tears and he knew that he had no more to cry.

"It's Angel! I thought he was okay, because everyone grieves but he was taking it way too far. We kept telling him that it wasn't his fault but he seemed so lost Giles! He is so stupid! Buffy always ruins everything. I'm sorry she died but she didn't have to take him with her!" Cordy sobbed over the phone and clutched at her chest. Her lungs burned and she felt her heart thud a thousand times per second. Cordy had the worst feeling when she awoke today, a feeling of dread. When she called the hotel, Wesely answered instead of Angel. Wesely had told her to come to the hotel and hung up. When Cordy had gotten there she found a pile of dust and letters. From Angel.

"Cordelia? What happened to Angel? What do you mean Buffy took him with her?" Giles feared the worse. "Is he...?" He trailed off and he winced at Cordy's cry of outrage and agony. There was a pause and a familiar British voice answered instead of the former Sunnydale Queen.

"Angel killed himself this morning." Wesley's voice was rough and Giles knew he had been crying. Giles took in the blow and sat down. He was surprised that he felt an amazing loss for the vampire. Angel and him had not been on good terms but he wasn't prepared for this amount of pain. Angel had taken his own life to join his lover in Heaven. Giles sighed and hung up the phone without another word. The ex-watcher buried his face in his hands and he heard a loud sob coming from this throat. The wounds of Angel and Buffy seemed to mix together making for one battered and bruised soul. Giles forced himself to calm down and stood up. He would have to tell the others. It was going to be sundown in an hour and he didn't want to stay to long after dark. With news of no slayer in Sunnydale, the vampire and demon population took a drastic increase.

Giles quickly made himself some tea and walked upstairs to change his clothes. He was just reaching for his tweed jacket when a hurried knock came from downstairs. Giles sighed, walked back down the stairs, and opened the door.

"Tara." Giles forced a smile. "What can I do for you?"

The blonde slayer looked ragged and out of breath. "Giles, there is something going on t-tonight. Willow was being so stupid and I c-couldn't stop her. I tried to make her see that it wasn't right b-but she wouldn't l-listen."

Giles's heart swelled and he knew that if he took more bad news he would break. "What is it?"

"Willow is going to resurrect Buffy tonight!" Tara finally spit out. Dread filled Giles's stomach. That girl should know better then to mess with dark magic. Wait, if she was going to bring Buffy back then what would happen to Angel? Would his death mean nothing? A large part of Giles wanted Willow to bring her back but he knew that was wrong. It would be going against nature's will. Didn't that woman see?

"No. This can't happen. I miss Buffy too but this has gone too far. Where? When?" Giles grabbed his coat and hurried out the door. He made sure he had a stake in his pocket and started walking, Tara in suite.

"At Buffy's grave." Tara looked at the dark sky. "They must have started already, its already sundown."

"Bloody hell." Giles muttered, picking up his pace to Buffy's grave.

****
Angel couldn't help the content purr that escaped his lips. He wasn't a vampire here and it felt strange to have to catch his breath. He glanced sideways at his Buffy and she was reacting similar to him. Angel rolled on the soft grass and gathered her in his arms, dropping a kiss on her forehead.

"Wow." Buffy was all that the blonde could say.

"Yeah." Angel agreed. The couple feel into a peaceful silence, basking in the afterglow of their lovemaking on the green grass. Angel felt so happy and free here, he never wanted to leave. Buffy ran her fingers through his hair and watched as her lover closed his eyes in a peaceful resignation. Buffy was never very religious but she thanks whatever Gods that were out there for sending her lover to her, in this glorious place. A giggle escaped her throat. She always seemed to laugh now. It felt so good. Everything before she had died was stressful and full of heartache. Here, she was allowed to make love to Angel and she was allowed to laugh and be a normal girl. Not the slayer.

The feeling of safety and love wavered for a second and Buffy felt the deep shadow of pain. Buffy's eyes snapped open and she looked at Angel. He lay next to her with his eyes closed, not noticing anything. Then the horrible feeling was gone. Buffy let out a breath that she didn't even know she was holding. What was that? Before Buffy could finish the thought, the beautiful image of the meadow and lake shifted to a dark graveyard, then back to the meadow.

"What is it, beloved?" Angel asked, smoothing her confused brow with his fingers. Buffy sat up, looking around confused.

"Did you see that?" She whispered. Buffy wanted to feel fear but nothing came. Only love and joy. Damnit, she suddenly hated this law of never feeling anything negative. She wanted to be scared. Wanted to be angry.

"No. What it is?" Angel asked and like Buffy he couldn't feel the worry that he wanted to feel. He felt as if his emotions were betraying him.

"Everything is changing." Buffy whispered and she moved closer to Angel. Dread filled her stomach and this time Heaven's stupid law didn't stop the feeling. "Angel." The slayer felt something pulling at her, beckoning her. Buffy whimpered as the scene changed to the graveyard and a sharp pain entered her body like lightening and Buffy let out a sharp cry.

Buffy forced her eyes open and looked around widely. She was lying in a casket and she was in a dark cold graveyard. Oh Goddess. Where is Angel? Where am I? Everything was gone, Angel, the meadow, the lake, the sun, and the feeling of love and safety. Tears stung Buffy's eyes. Did she suddenly not belong in heaven? Is this hell?

"Buffy!" A familiar voice shouted and Buffy involuntary winced at a redhead that came into view. She pushed herself up, even though her arms felt like jelly, looking around her surroundings. She saw two shovels and a spellbook on the ground. Buffy's heart sunk.

"Oh God." The blonde whispered and her head started to spin and she turned in her casket and saw the gravestone.

Buffy Summers

That was all she read and all she needed to read. Buffy jumped from the casket, but fell on the gravel quickly due to her sore muscles. God, everything hurt here. She wanted away from this place, she wanted to be back with Angel.

"Buffy! Slow down there, girl. You have been dead for little over a week now." Xander joked softly but he wasn't seeing anything funny about this. Buffy's face was far from happiness and he knew that they had royally messed up.

"What happened?" Buffy's voice was hoarse and cracked.

"You died and we saved you because we knew that you were in some horrible Hell dimension, like Angel was." Willow supplied. A sinking feeling in her stomach told her that Buffy was not pleased with her risk but Willow pushed the thought aside. Buffy should be thanking her for returning her from Hell.

"Angel?" Buffy whispered and she buried her face in hands. "You guys brought me back."

Everything was spinning and Buffy felt the sting of vomit in the back of her throat.

"You should at least say something." Tactless Anya snapped. Xander hushed her with a look.

"Thank you?" Buffy asked bitterly. No! No, this wasn't right. This couldn't be right. She had done her job on Earth so why did nobody take over? Why was everyone so selfish and always bringing her back? What if she didn't want to come back? Why was she taken from such a beautiful paradise? Where the fuck was the other slayer?

"Willow! Oh Lord...Buffy I'm so sorry." Everyone looked up to see Giles and Tara running towards them. Giles looked at her with pity in his eyes and Tara glared at Willow. Buffy stared at her ex-watcher. He was sorry? Did he know about Angel? Why did he allow this ceremony to continue? A thousand questions filled her mind and her stomach growled in protest. She wrapped her arms around herself and she felt her lower lip tremble. She wanted out of here.

"Willow. How can you be so selfish?" Tara snapped at her girlfriend.

"Selfish? I brought her back from a dimension of pain." Willow said, but she was not too sure about anything.

"It turns out that Angel committed suicide this morning, Willow. To join his lover. In heaven." Giles said slowly and Buffy looked at Giles with tearful eyes. Angel was dead. Angel was dead. Ohgodohgodohgod. It was all her fault. Angel was dead and she was back on this God forsaken place that she once called home. A sob escaped Buffy's throat and Tara quickly sat down next to the disoriented slayer, wrapping her arms around her.

"I saw him. He was there. He was with me, we were so happy." Buffy cried and her chest hurt from the extortion of talking and sobbing at the same time. Her lungs burned because she had received no air for a week. Tears tracked down Willow's cheek as she realized what she did. The witch had been so blind in her anger and power. She had taken Buffy and Angel away from eachother. Willow ran from the graveyard, unable to handle the guilt that weighed so heavily on her.

Tara smoothed Buffy's hair and the slayer's whole body was racked with sobs. Xander shook his head. Of course Buffy would go to heaven, she was Earth's savior and they had been so eager to get her back they tricked themselves to believe that she was in a horrible place.

"Oh God no. I'm so sorry-" He started but Giles shook his head no. "Go home, Xander." The ex-watcher instructed then nodded the same to Anya. The couple left. All that was left in the graveyard was the Giles, Tara, the slayer and her now empty grave. Buffy wobbly stood up and sniffled. She would break down at home, not here. Everything became blurry and her knew she would vomit if she said another word. Stars exploded, blinding her temporarily. Her heart ached and wept, Buffy could swear that it was not as beating as strong as it should be. Oh Angel...

"Buffy. I want you to know that we are here for you, though Angel is not. Please do not do anything...drastic and try to...join him again." Giles said, wincing at the thought. He couldn't imagine being able to loose her for the third time. Giles couldn't lie and say he was not happy to have her here but she shouldn't have been forced to leave something that was so beautiful. Buffy was a strong woman but no one was strong enough for this.

Buffy didn't answer and she blinked her tears away. She forced a neutral face and nodded at Giles before shakily walking away from the horrible scene. Buffy felt numb, the horrible pain was gone along with the agony. She would be the slayer. She would fight, laugh, eat, and exist. She would once again build her walls and let nobody inside. This was how a slayer was supposed to be. No emotions, friends, family, and no lover. This wasn't heaven, this was earth were everything was painful and bright. She would never be in heaven again.

****
Angel felt the incredible loneliness and he wrapped his arms around himself. No one was allowed to feel pain in Heaven but Angel felt it. It wasn't pain, exactly, it was the idea of being alone. Things went by slower here and Angel knew that he would have to wait a long time before he saw his beloved. And Angel knew that she was back on Earth and that she was happy. That she loved him. Just like everyone else that he left behind felt. Angel leaned back into the Earth and let the sun engulf him in its rays.

All he could do was wait.