Episode 7/22:

Title: Imperfect Perfection

Author: Imogene

Disclaimer: All the characters for the BtVS verse and the AtS verse belong to Joss Whedon, Marti Nixon, David Greenwalt, UPN, WB etc etc. New characters all belong to me.

Distribution: Beth's site "First Time For Everything", anyone else, just ask

Dedication: To Beth for all her help and ideas, I couldn't have done it without her

Summary: Just what is the cost of "perfection"?

Notes: This is going to be like a season of Angel, set 2 years in the future (hence season 5) I've got a lot of back-story of whats happened to all the significant characters both Scooby Gang and the A-Team thats important to read to understand whats going on. This takes place anytime after "Couplet" - the prophecy "The father will kill the son" never happened, Connor is still with Angel, fully human and now 2 years old. If you really cant be bothered to read it, you at least need to know Dawns been living with Angel for the past 2 years and Wesley and Fred are engaged

Rating: R for suggestive material - swearing and some innuendo

~~~****~~~

Vitalitus gazed unimpassioned around the room. He should have guessed their reactions. When you lived with people for 700 years, it becomes fairly easy to do that. Still he admitted he was disappointed, but no he was not surprised. Their behaviours had become all too easy to predict over the centuries. Nothing was a surprise anymore.

The six surrounding him wore expressions varying from dismay to out right fury. Giselle, Florence, Sanchia, Livia, Christian and Saffron. Together they had made up a secret society - The Nexxus. They had dedicated their lives to setting people on their paths direct interference only when necessary. There lied the whole reason behind their reactions; he wanted direct influence, on the Slayer and her friends.

"Marcelle, please do not tell me you are serious" gasped Saffron, as if she could not quite believe it. She had known him so long; Giselle on the other hand was not surprised. From the day they had met, he and Giselle had been at odds. Hatred at first sight would be a more accurate label; she could not expect anything better of a bored, power hungry bastard.

"What are you saying, we just leave the Slayer to her own devices?"

"No what I am saying is that we are not meant to directly intervened unless it is necessary"

"What about Giselle with the slayers younger sister?" he argued.

"Please Marcelle, they are not robots use their names when you address them. They are important figures-"

"In the coming days. I know I've been hearing the same thing for over 300 years, it wares thin."

"Giselle was an exceptional circumstance. Dawn was about to walk away; we had to correct her. If not the young man would have died."
"How does that affect us?" demanded Vitalitus, he was getting sick of constantly arguing his case. "You know very well the smallest thing can alter the future in unpredictable ways" said Saffron soothingly. Always the peacemaker. He sighed, after belonging to the Nexxus for over 700 years he was beginning to regret his allegiance. There were rules, too many. Sanchia sat quietly in the corner, he had never been one for conversation, unlike his father. Vitalitus took every opportunity to oppose decisions he could not abide rules. He sometimes wished his son were more demanding. He simply accepted everything. Shakes he head he got up. "I have been on this council for over 700 years. Never once have I made a suggestion without thoroughly thinking it through. I believe this would provide us with an excellent opportunity to know the Chosen Ones in even more detail than presently"

"You're talking about invading their minds to do so!" argued Giselle, a frown crossing her face. Shed never liked Vitalitus; Lord knows how he and Sanchia could ever be related. "No one, I repeat NO ONE has the right to invade anothers mind to discover personal information. A mind is scared and private would you like your deepest desires known to a stranger?" Livia prodded.

"I simply think the information gained from this could be invaluable." he argued, growing weary of the discussion already.

"So you think to speed things up you want to go into their minds and give them there deepest desires to learn more about them and you see nothing wrong with that?" Giselle said in a mocking voice. Florence glared at her, the woman had such an impatient and sharp tongue she could barely understand it. "There is a reason why such desires are buried in the subconscious. Do you really think any good would come of realising them? What they dream of is perfection. There is no such thing - imperfection perfection, yes but pure perfection - it can never be achieved. Try an give that to them and you will end up causing more pain than you can imagine" Sanchia spoke up. He didn't say much, what he did say however was worth its weight in gold. Vitalitus gazed at his son. He often wondered how two people related could be so different. "Sanchia is right. At that moment Florence stood up "Silence!" she commanded. Everyone fell silent. They knew better than to challenge her at times like this. She looked almost regal; her eyes were almost black and flashed menacingly. "I will not stand for petty squabbling among my peers. You are all adults, pray act like them. Vitalitus you are strictly prohibited from reading their minds. I will not tolerate any one stepping out of line. We are here to guide them, not to pick their brains and have fun. You knew the terms and conditions when you joined. You made a pact that cannot be broken. We need more information before we act again. In the meantime, I suggest you put out all ridicules idea of perfection out of your head." She warned, "I personally know the cost of true perfection is too high to even contemplate" she said, her voice leaving no room for argument at Vitalitus watched her leave. Perfection might be too high for herbut it wasn't for him

***

"and they all lived happily ever after" whispered Buffy. Connor's eyelids were beginning to droop. She carefully brushed a hand over his dark hair. "Will you be my mommy?" he whispered. Buffy stopped at that statement. She gazed at the boy and a smile touched her lips, she almost wanted to cry. She wanted to be Connor's mom with all her heart, she wanted him to be her son, but he wasn't. Yes he was Angel and she loved him like a son but he was Darla's. Darla who was dead, who'd died to let Connor live - who'd been a vampire. Her heart ached for the child. She could still remember loosing Joyce. The pain had seemed unbearable, sometimes it still did. It hurt so much she sometimes wanted to curl up and disappear, but those days were becoming fewer and fewer. She was getting her life back on track now. She and Angel were kind of sort of back together. Frankly she wasn't sure what they were anymore -but what ever it was, it was comfortable, exactly what she needed. She'd become better friends with Wesley and Cordelia than she ever had been in Sunnydale and more than she ever thought possible.

Her heart went out to Connor, she might have lost her mom at 20, but Connor had never known his. Sure he had Cordelia, Dawn and Fred as auntie figures, and Angel clearly doted on him (along with Wesley, Gunn and Lorne) but he needed a stable mother figure. "OK, I'll be your mommy if you want" she soothed, gently stroking his hair. He smiled sleepily. "Love you" was his last statement before he fell asleep. Buffy turned around and was startled by Angel in the doorway. He had a strange expression on his face, halfway between sorrow and happiness. She wondered how long hed been there. "He wants a mom" he noted, gazing at his sleeping son.

"He has Cordy, and Fred and Dawn" Buffy offered

"No, he knows they will never be mommies to him. Cordelia was the closest he came to a real mombut even she can't be what he needs. Buffy he wants you to be his mommy" he sighed. Buffy didn't know what to say she didn't know whether he was happy or sad at that prospect. "Angelits none of my business. Connor isn't my son, as much as I wish he was" Oh God, did I say that out loud?

"You wish Connor was your son?" he queried

"Truthfully yes. I love him; he looks so much like you. I don't see Darla when I look at him I see you, and what could have been for us. I'd always had this little fantasy you and me stayed together, got married - you turned human I gave up slaying and we had a hundred kids - give or take. And Mom never died" she added in a whisper "My own little fantasy world" she smiled slightly. "Yeah I love him. I want to be his mommy but I'm not. I'm not sure I could ever be what he needs me to be, even if he wanted me to. I'm still messed up Angel. Coming back from the dead doesn't do much for your mental health. So many things have happened, I couldn't even look after myself, let alone a kid"

"Buffy I'd always thought you'd be the woman I had any children with. I never dreamed I'd see Darla again, especially after I staked her the first time in front of you. Connor took to you the second he saw you. He's never done that with anyone, not Cordelia, Fred, Dawn or Faith. He singled you out. I don't think he considers you Darla's replacement, I know I don't. I wouldn't have wanted Darla to bring up Connor if she had lived truthfully"

"But she was Connor's mother. A baby and mother bond is one of the strongest in the world" she protested, unable to believe she was sticking up for Darla- may she burn in hell. "She was a vampire, without a soul. She was worried once Connor was born she would loose all the love she had gained for the child, if she had tried to kill Connor, I would have killed her. I couldn't have let her look after Connor knowing she was a cold-blooded killer, just like I was. You forget I saw her at the peak of her power, I know what she was really capable of, there was a reason why she was the Master's favourite child for over 400 years. There is no way she would have made any kind of mother, so dont EVER consider yourself unworthy of being Connor's mom." he said, then paused, feeling slightly embarrassed at his outburst. "Buffy do you want to be Connor's mom?" he ventured.

"Yes I do, I love him but-"

"But nothing. You love him, and he adores you thats all that matters" he offered.

"Angel I-Ive never been a mom, I had to look after Dawn, look what a mess I made of that, and the eggs we were given in high school, I killed mine- deliberately! Admittedly it did have a Beazor in it" she rambled. Angel gazed at her and smiled.
"You'll be fine. Buffy, I had over 200 + years to prepare being a dad and I still wasnt' ready. Just follow your instincts." He smiled, acting on impulse he bent down to kiss her.

Neither moved for a minute, they simply revelled in being together. It had been so long since either of them were like this, they were reluctant to break apart. Buffy wound her arms around Angel's neck as the kiss deepened.

****

Vitalitus sat perfectly still as the lights flickered around him with Sanchia sat placidly next to him. A fine glaze covered his eyes; memory charms did have that unfortunate side effect

He knew Sanchia would probably hate him for being used against his will, but it was only with his knowledge and Vitalitus's experience could this be achieved. If he wasn't so wrapped up in youthful ideals of good and evil, he might understand what he was doing. Nevertheless, he put the thought out of his mind. Concentration was imperative at this stage, he did not care what Florence said, or what he had promised when he joined Nexxus. He had an excellent opportunity and he for one was not going to rest on his laurels. If he had not been so busy concentrating on memorising the incantation, he might have had time to wonder about that particular saying, but as it happened, he couldn't spare any concentration.

Perhaps some people might have thought it was offensive to invade someones head to read their private desires but as far as he was concerned, it was simply a means to the ends. No harm done. It was a shame Sanchia had not joined with him. He sometimes regretted the boy being so subdued - and stubborn. However, he was not a boy anymore, he had never really been a child, hed always been wise beyond his years. Add to that a strict moral code and a tendency to think about philosophical matters and you came close to Sanchia. He had hoped his son would have loosened up a bit as he got older. The boy had power - a lot of it, precisely why he had needed him tonight. God knows why he kept such a tight teach on his emotions. He was rather like Angel in that respect, both could by kings in their own right if they would let themselves go. But neither would do that, at least not voluntarily.

He sighed to himself, certainly he cared about his son, after all Sanchia was his only child - frankly he had never planed on having one. He had never been father material but after he had been born, Vitalitus had grown quite attached to the boy. A son to carry on his legacy, or so he had thought. He briefly wondered if Angel's son - what was it? Conrad? No Connor - would he continue his father's work - fight against the darkness? Like Sanchia had vowed to?

It did not matter; they all had their own paths to lead. He was a firm believer of making ones own destinyalthough sometimes a little help was needed in making that destiny available. Suddenly the room began to shake, as he was assaulted with thousands of images, broken promises, dreams, fears - possible futures. The images filled his mind swirling round..private thoughts of the Vampire and his slayer. The seer's dreams...the former watcher....the vampire hunter....the key...it all came flooding into his minds eye. He knew their hopes and dreams, the fears and desires they would never admit to. A smile slowly spread across his face. His eyes began to glow and eerie red, as the room the bathed in light and the room began to rock, a slow bright light began to fill the room.

It would have scared any demon of hell, yet he was not a demonhe was much more powerful. It didn't matter how angry they were with her, nothing could be done to undo the spell. It was among the most powerful known in the universe. He knew there would be hell to pay for his disobedience..perhaps he would be excluded from the Nexxus, even loosing his son, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. A slow smile began to spread across his face as the world began to blacken and fade out. It was the beginning of a whole new whole, for the Champions of Earth he thought.

****

Buffy yawned as the unwelcome sound of the alarm pierced her happy dream. Groaning she didn't even look as her hand smacked down on it, effectively stopping the intrusive noise. Content Buffy felt herself began to drift off again, until she felt a gentle kiss pressed on her check, as he wrapped his arms around her. She smiled but did not open her eyes. "It Saturday hon, no work, lie-in day. It's the law"

"Yeah it's Buffy-law" came the gently mocking reply. "Besides the world doesnt stop cause you happened to go to bed too late." Before she could give a retort the patter of tiny feet was heard, and a cry as a small girl still dressed in her pyjamas and hair tied in scruffy braids launched herself on the bed. "Meghan!" Buffy scolded, glaring, though not very effectively at her three year old daughter. "What did I tell you about Saturdays?"

"But I wanna watch cartoons!" he whined. Buffy sighed, getting any more sleep at this point seemed impossible. "Fine, fine I'm up" she grumbled, as she picked up the giggling girl and carefully carried her downstairs, with Angel following. Placing Meghan on the working surface, she passed her a beaker of milk, which despite gripping tightly she still managed to spill half of down her front. "Oh, Joyce rang, she wants you to help her with an exhibition later this afternoon, she's roped in Hank but she needs another pair of hands and Dawn's....busy" Angel grinned, bending down to kiss his wife. He still couldn't believe how beautiful she looked, even after seven years together he was as much in love with her as ever. "Mommy and Daddy are kissing!!" she grinned. Buffy mock glared at her, and wiped her milk moustache off. "Uh Buffy, Cordelia called for you"

"Cordelia?" Buffy said puzzled, she hadnt heard anything from her in four months, and admittedly she missed her. Cordelia had been the most popular girl in the school, and had penchant for saying the worst thing at the worst time. Yet, somehow theyd become, good friends. For some reason, Cordelia had gone out of her way to be nice to her, even if she didn't extend that friendship to Buffy's other friends.

Cordelia had been born lucky, and with a golden spoon in her mouth. Despite their friendship, everything had almost been a competition - best boyfriend, car, dress. Theyd even competed for Homecoming Queen (but somehow and for reasons she would never fully understand Harmony "'Im the original brain-dead bimbo" Kendall had won. Weird)

An offer to Harvard had landed in her lap, along with several modeling contracts, and shed left Sunnydale forever. "I'm sure you met Cordelia, she tried to sleep with you, several times" Buffy added, a touch of anger in her voice. Admittedly she and Angel hadnt' been dating at the time, but that was beside the point. "She inviting us to her wedding"

"Huh? Cordelia Chase settling down with one man? No way" Buffy grinned. "Who's the poor guy?"
"Some rich guy called Richard Anderson. Apparently his family own chains of cosmetics"

"Richard Huh? I remember him and frankly that explains a lot" she grinned "I can't believe she's actually invited me, its ages since I've spoken to her.

"Its kinda short notice - tomorrow in fact" Angel admitted.
"Tomorrow?! That is so typical of her, she never considers what anyone else is doing, she just assumes that everyone can drop what their doing ready for her."

"It's not like we have plans tomorrow" Angel grinned. Buffy simply rolled her eyes.

"Who can look after Meghan at such short notice, Mom and Dad are busy with the gallery. I'm not sure I can trust Dawn - again I mean"

"What about Will?"
"Spike?!" Buffy gasped "NO!! Hes' way too irresponsible. I don't care how much Meggie likes him. He's worse than Dawn" Buffy jumped in. The last thing she wanted was her good-for-nothing brother-in-law around. Especially after what had - almost happened between them...no she wasn't even going to go there. It had been a huge mistake on her part and one never to be repeated. Angel noticed something akin to fear in her eyes. He knew she hadn't always got on with Will, in fact, theyd pretty much despised each other at first, then things had changed. The atmosphere around them was tense to say the least. It was like something had happened between them that they didnt' what anyone to know about.....a one-night stand?

Why did he just think that? He couldn't understand why her brain would come up with something so stupid. Buffy had always despised Will, there was no way shed sleep with him...yet he knew perfectly well he would be more than willing to sleep with her. "What about Faith?" he offered glad to get of the topic of his annoying sibling.

"Hmmm, isn't she busy?"
"Nope, she's free this weekend, for once" he added in a grumble "Apparently she'd called it off with Cliff, again. I'm not sure why - bad breath maybe? I swear that girl will never cease to amaze me" Buffy grinned at the image of her sister-in-law ceasing to shock. It was what she lived for. Will wasn't really much different, except he was manipulative, evil, - an all round soulless bastard really, and she liked Faith. She'd been one of the first to support hers and Angels relationship (apart from Cordelia that was.) While Spike had done everything in his power to separate them (to have her for himself) Faith had done her up-most to keep them together, and becoming an auntie had mellowed Faith. Somewhat. Although she was beginning to have an influence on Meghans wardrobe, unfortunately. Cropped tops just didn't do anything for a three year old's figure

*****

"I still can't believe we bothered to come" grumbled Buffy trying to balance on her way-too-high shoes (at least Angel thought they were too high. The wedding had been beautiful, Cordelia had look superb, Richard lookedsmart. The photographer had tried to get as many shots of Cordelia as possible, and for some reason didn't seem to want Richard in a lot of them

"Uh because she's your friend" he helpfully suggested, Buffy only glared at him. By now a lot of the guests had gone, only one or two lingered it being past 6 p.m. and the wedding having started at 11 oclock. The photographer had packed up. Her feet were killing, and she wanted to get back to Meggie but she wanted to speak to Cordy first. She actually really missed her in weird way, but Richard was one person she could do without seeing.

She'd met Richard Anderson a few times, he and Cordy had had an on-off-on-off romance through college. He'd once tried to feel her up, knowing she was with Angel and he was with Cor. Creep. Of course, Angel didn't know about it, she got the feeling he'd have Andersons head ripped off if Angel ever found out. As it happened, he only got kneed in the groin by Buffy, which she had considered a most effective stay away message.

Buffy looked round self-consciously, she felt underdressed, there were more designer labels than at an Oscar night, perhaps a slight over-exaggeration, but

"Angel, darling!" came a purring voice and Buffy narrowed her eyes. She knew immediately whom the voice belonged to. Lilah Morgan, Angels old girlfriend. Shed never got over Angel choosing her over Lilah, not that she blamed him, Lilah had to be a bitch of the highest order, and that was taking into consideration Anya Harris, Cordelia and Darla 'Skanky Ho' Krammer. Angel didn't look too happy either. They'd worked in the same law firm, Wolfram Hart for several years, until he'd met Buffy and left. Things had fizzled out with Lilah anyway, but she wouldn't accept it. "Lilah" Buffy said coolly "I didn't know you were friends with Cordelia"

"Oh, Bunny."

"Buffy" she hissed, Lilah ignored her

"I'm not, I know Richard, personally, from way back" she grinned. Buffy was itching to slap the smirk off the tramps face. "How are you Angel, you look...delectable as always" she purred.

"I'm great, I've got a wonderful wife and a beautiful daughter" he said pointedly. Lilah tried to conceal her disappointment "O-oh youre a father now? Didn't really picture you as father material" she smiled "You once said you didn't want kids"

"I was twenty and I said I wasn't ready" he corrected. Placing his hand in the small of Buffy's back he guided her past Lilah to meet with Cordelia and Richard.

"Buffy!" Cordelia squealed at seeing her old friend again, as they hugged. Richard and Angel kept a polite distance. "Cor!! Congratulations!!" she grinned. "I can't believe you settled down at last" with Richard of all people she added mentally to herself.

"Buffy, good of you to come" smirked Richard as he bent down to kiss her hand but Buffy quickly pulled it away. "Cordy's my friend, of course I'd come" she said.

"Hows' Meggie? Still as cute as ever?" grinned Cordelia

"Faith and Dawn are trying to teach her the ways of the world" she grinned. "I'll warn you, dont have kids until your 30 + they're HARD work" she added.

"You've got to tell me about everything Sunnydale-wise" Cordelia, as she took Buffy hand and headed away for a girl chat. Angel, on the other hand had no desire to talk to Richard, the guy justirked him. There was something about him that got on his nerves. He'd noticed the way hed kept glancing at Buffy, the guy had just married for God sake!

To Cordelia. Although he loved Buffy more than anything he could see where the attraction in Cordelia lay, physically. He actually liked the girl, sure she was tactless and looked like she belonged in "Clueless" or Beverly Hill 90210 but she was a good friend. He didn't understand men like Richard, he's just married a beautiful, intelligent woman and he kept looking at Buffy, and not in just a friendly way either. Thankfully at that moment, the PTB answered his prayers "Angel?" came a voice, spinning round he saw his old friend Charles Gunn. "Gunn!" grinned Angel as the two men greeted each other warmly. "When I heard the illustrious Ms Chase was married, I had to come down and see for myself. The legends were true"

"Richard Anderson, Anderson Industries. Im Cordelias husband" Richard smirked holding out his hand. Gunn look as if he couldnt quite believe what he was seeing. Then an evil little smirk flashed across his face. "so...youre Cors husband, I thought she'd gone and married old Wessy Wyndam Pryce, you know that girl had too many to keep count" he smirked. Angel grinned, he knew Gunn was deliberately provoking him, and he wasnt going to do anything to stop him, in fact"Yeah I was confused as well. Buffy got the invitation yesterday so it wasn't very clear. At first she thought it was that Groo guy"

"Groo?" asked Richard, clearly confused, and annoyed by the way the conversation was going. "Sorry, we called him Groo. Grooslaug Metzabaum. Naïve German guy." Angel summarised. "Yeah but there was also Jonathan, Wilson, Christopher, Owen and Kevin. She always was one for male company"

***

"So how are things, with Angel I mean?" Cordy asked. Buffy sighed

"Everythings fine, Megs terrific, Angels as sweet as ever-"

"Buffy" she interrupted "You're talking to me, I've known you since you were ten, so dont lie to me k? What happened over the whole Will thing?" Buffy paused. She wasn't sure she was ready to talk about it, it had been several months but it was still hanging over her head.

"It's over" she said a little too sharply. Cordelia simply raised an eyebrow. Buffy sighed. "I was in a mess. Angel's dad had just died. What was worse, Angel actually cared, after all the toad put him through. You know he was never good enough, no matter what he did. I wasn't good enough, when he heard about Meggies birth, you know what he said? Shame it wasn't a boy, but then its for the best. He'd only be a failure like his father he still called him Angelus. No one calls him that. Angel just pushed me away and it hurt. Will was there and ready to jump into bed. I can't believe itI didnt even like him. He-he...oh God" she cried. Moving forward Cordelia cradled her friend. Angel and Buffy had one of the strongest relationships she knew of. To think that they had almost ended their relationship was almost unthinkable. "I really think we would have divorced" she sniffed. "What happened?"

"Meggie. She got sick. I was so terrified, the doctors though she had cancer, Angel just spent every night beside her. IT brought us back together, we knew we needed each other to lean on, the night Meggie was given the all clear, we realised that our marriage was worth saving."

"And Will?"

"He took off that night. Nothing happened, its what could've happened, I almost slept with him. I could've cheated on Angel"

"But you didn't" soothed Cordelia "Don't think about what-ifs and could haves. What matters is here and now. You guys got back together, Will buggered off to places unknown, thank God, Angel is the perfect husband, you've got great parents, a cool sister and you have a wonderful, beautiful daughter. Trust me Buffy, if that isnt perfection, I dont know what is" she grinned, as she hugged her friend as they turned to more cheerful topics.

***

"How do you know Cordelia then?" asked Richard, desperate to steer the conversation to moregentle topics. "Me? I met her during her uh....playgirl years" he grinned

"Playgirl?!?" screeched Richard, unbelieving "You're not serious" he whispered

"Who's not serious?" grinned Cordelia as she bounced up with Buffy. Then she glanced and saw Gunn, and Angel and grinned "Charles!!" she grinned as she bear-hugged him tightly "I'm SO glad you could come"

"Uh he was just telling us how he knew you," he added.

"Shame Wes" couldn't make it" sighed Cordelia sadly. "I really miss him"

"Was he an old boyfriend?" asked Richard unable to resist. Gunn burst out laughing and Buffy tried poorly to conceal a snigger. "What do you mean old boyfriend no Wes and I didn't date. I'm not sure I'd even want to date my half-brother frankly, and I'm pretty sure its illegal" she muttered. Richard gulped, Cordelia wasnt the safest person to be around when she was angry.

"Excuse me sir" came a load voice, whipping round Buffy, Angel, Richard, Cordelia and Gunn saw a dishevelled man come stalking towards them, as security tried to pull him back. He looked half crazed and Cordelia began to feel a little more than afraid.

There was something almost....mad about his appearance. His eyes kept darting back and forth. His clothes were wet and was in desperate need of a bath, and food in general. "YOU!" he snarled at Richard and began advancing towards him, security made a move to stop him but Richard held up a restraining hand, the last thing he needed was to seem insensitive at his wedding. The press would hound him for weeks. The man was clear undernourished, his wild hair made him seem even more gaunt.

"I'm sorry, I dont know you sir. Im Ric-"

"I know who you are, Richard Anderson. Bet you dont remember me" he sneered a cold smile touching his lips. "No I dont I've never seen you before in my life"

"Shame, cause you've ruined mine"

"What on earth are you talking about?" demanded Richard, he was getting annoyed with this tramp....what right did he have to burst into his wedding? If the man had a bad life, he had no one to blame but himself. He guessed he was unemployed he could almost smell the poverty on the man.

"You took my life five years ago. You don't even remember do you. Mark Composkii. I worked at Anderson Industries. There was a major fraud discovered, went all the way to the top. Turned out it was your cousin Tom Warner. All his fault, but you couldnt have one of your relatives in prison, it would forever shame the family name. So you needed a scapegoat. Me. You made it look like I was guilty, I was next in line after Warner. I took the rap for his crime. I lost five years of my life. My mom died of cancer cause she couldn't afford treatment after I lost my job. I was supporting her. I lost my friends, my wife....everything, because of you and your cousin. I'm here to cancel that debt" he snarled as he drew a gun and pointed it point blank at Richard.

"OK just stop as second" Angel said "You cant kill him, you do and youre in prison again. You dont wanna go back there?"

"He stole my life!" Mark screeched "If you're in leagues with him you can go down too."

"Look, Mr Composkii, nothing can make what he did right, but if you shoot him the law wont take that into account, you be charged with murder and put on death row" Buffy said. "It doesn't matter, my lifes over anyway. I've got nothing to live for or, or lose" Richard didn't know what to do, it had been so long since he was without a bodyguard, where the hell was Harold anyway? The one time he actually needed him!

"Please don't kill him" Cordelia pleaded, tears beginning to well in her eyes. Mark turned to her, her heart went out to him, the poor man looked stricken with grief. She couldnt believe Richard would do such a vile thing but she couldn't let him be killed. In the momentary distraction, Richard grabbed the gun.

No one threatened Richard Anderson, especially at his wedding. Without warning Mark pounced on Richard, in the ensuing commotion several shots were fired.

Buffy and Cordelia were screaming, Gunn tried to get find what was going on. Richard suddenly stepped back, a horrified expression on his face. The gun limply fell from his hand. Mark lay dead, and Angel had received two gun shot wounds to the chest and was lying on the floor. "Oh my God" whispered Cordelia. Her felt sick, her husband of two hours had committed murder and probably killed one of her friends.

"ANGEL!!! NO!!!!" Buffy screamed. A wave of terror washed through her. There was so much blood she didnt know what to do. Her legs felt of lead as she tried to run to him. Her head was spinning, her heart thumping. She wanted to throw upt...he was a buzzing noise of voices...Richard had shot Angel...twice. Angel was shot...he was dying..no no nonononono! Her mind went in circles "Hey" he murmured, trying to smile at her. She didn't smile back, instead she stroked his face, hair trying to soothe him as she cushioned his head. Grabbing her sash she pressed it against his wound, it was soon soaking in blood. There was a buzz of voices, "What's happened?"

"I didn't mean to, I was aiming for Mark" he muttered. He gazed at his hands which were shaking, had he really just shot two peopleno it wasn't possible. No one listened to him or moved close to him. Gunn had run off for an ambulance, and Cordelia was trying to help Angel. She didn't even look at Richard. A few peoples voices were buzzing around but neither woman paid much attention.

"Is someone hurt"

"He'll be fine"

"Call help!"

"Let me see, make way"

Buffy didn't hear any of the voices, she was solely fixed on Angel. "You're gonna be OK" she whispered over and over again, as much to reassure herself as him. He couldn't talk, he wanted to tell her he loved her, to take care of Meggie and Faithbut he couldnt think properly. "The ambulance is on it's way" came a soothing voice

Tthere's not enough time, hes bleeding too heavily." She murmured. Gazing up she saw Cordelia, her face as white as her gown. On her wedding day...it should have been a day of celebration, her husband was shot. He was dying.

Where was the ambulance? Angel was beginning to drift out of consciousness "NO!! Dont close your eyes Angel! You can't go to sleep!" she almost shouted, shaking him quite violently. "Keep your eyes open, focus on me. Don't close them , p-please" she whispered "It's..hu-h" he gasped, unable to form the words properly, but it wasn't necessary.

"I know lover, you can't go to sleep, not yet. I love you, you're gonna get through this" she whispered. He gazed at her and smiled slightly, and squeezed her hand. Turning to Cordelia tears trickled down her face. "He's not gonna make it." She acknowledges. He was growing colder...his lips were blue has consciousness began to drift away from him. "Coming through!" came an authoritative voice. "Make way!" the paramedics came through, their bright uniforms making them seem like knights in shinny armour. They seemed so confident and assured as they put Angel on oxygen and place in on a stretcher. Buffy climbed on board, holding his hand. "It's gonna be fine, its going to be OK" she kept murmuring to herself.

***

There was a commotion apon arrival at the hospital. She was being pushed away by doctors "Young white male, received two gunshot wounds in the upper chest. We have a collapsed lung, his PB is falling, fast. Condition critical, hes needs to go up to the operating room now" came one of the voices. She felt a nurse lead her away. It seemed hours, days before anyone came to her. Eventually one of the doctors re-appeared. He looked tired, and sad. She knew shed seen that expression before. "He's dead" she whispered, collapsing on the chair. The doctor nodded. "I'm afraid so. We did all we could, but there was too much blood loss, he began to go into cardiac arrest and we couldn't get a heartbeat. I'm so sorry"

Why was he sorry? He hadn't killed Angel, why did people always apologise? It was stupid.

Angel was always apologising to her...was. He was gone. The idea of him lying cold and lifeless on a table..no warmth or breath...she couldn't imagine it.

It never happened like this in the movies or ER she thought to herself. You always got a speech from the dying person, telling you how much they loved you. But Angel hadn't been able to speak. She'd watched the life drain out of the man she loved.

Its wasn't like it was supposed to be

"Angel, Angel, Angel" Buffy chanted mindlessly, rocking herself as she buried her face in her lap she cried.

*****

The day of Angel's funeral it rained, heavily. Buffy thought it was fitting, as if the skies were crying for the loss of a wonderful man. The last few days had passed in a blur. It still hadn't sunken it, he was really gone. She was never going to wake up beside him again or see his smile. She gazed as the coffin was lowered into the ground and she felt numb....nothing. Joyce hugged her but Buffy couldn't feel it. Dawn looked pale and drawn. The last few days had taken their toll on her, and Faith. Most amazing had been when Cordelia came to the funeral cutting short her honeymoon. Joyce shook her head, her son-in-law had been killed by Cordelia's husband, systematically destroying so many peoples lives with one death.

Meghan had been crying for her daddy. She was unable to understand the concept of daddy going to heaven she wanted to know why Granny Joyce, Granddad Hank and Auntie Dawn were looking after her. What was wrong with Mommy, where was Daddy.

Why was everyone cryingshe wanted her Daddy to tell her a story. To hold her and stroke her hair. Daddy made her feel safe, and she was scared now.

She knew something was wrongthere were too many strange people coming and going. When Buffy came too her all she did was hug her tightly and cry, she kept telling her Daddys in heaven, he's happy but that didn't mean anything to Meghan. Why wasnt he here now, did he like being in Heaven better than being with them? Buffy didn't answer that

Joyce felt her heart shatter every time she saw Meghan or Buffy. Her heart went out to the little girl, she didn't understand why things were different she kept crying for her daddy...how could she tell her granddaughter her Daddy was never coming backit wasnt right. She felt a burning anger towards Richard Anderson. He'd fired the shots that had killed two men, one who he'd greatly wronged beforehand and another for simply knowing Anderson. She'd known Angel had never had a high opinion of Richard Anderson and had only gone because of Buffy and Cordelia.

Hank had later told her that Cordelia had already filed for divorce, but the Anderson lawyers were dragging out the process. It appeared hes been having affairs throughout his engagement. Joyce truly hated the man.

Buffy walked around like a ghost, Meghan was the only person she showed any emotion to, she hug her daughter for hours, silently rocking her with tears streaming down her face. It had taken all her strength to get out of bed for the funeral. She didn't hear the people offer their condolences or feel her Mom hugging her.

At that moment, Joyce realised exactly how much Angel had meant to her, of course she knew they loved each other, but this type of love? With Angel - the spark of life had died within Buffy. Her body may still be alive, but her essence, that which made up Buffy was gone, and she wept for the loss of her son-in-law, her daughter, her granddaughter...Cordelia...Mark...so many ruined lives because of one man

***

-three years later-

It had taken a long time but Buffy had finally managed to get back on track. At one point she'd tried to commit suicide, but Cordelia had told her, rather sharply she was insulting Angels memory if she wasted away or tried to kill herself. Her marriage hadn't lasted. After the wedding, Cordelia could barely look at him. Richard had been cleared of charges thanks to his lawyers, Wolfram Hart. Shed felt sick to her stomach that someone could get away with such heinous acts. At first Richard had refused a separation, claiming it would ruin their 'image' and she would get nothing out of it. Then after she's discovered his affair, with Harmony Kendall they'd divorced a year later. She hadn't been surprised. Since Angel's death, Cordelia had become a pillar of strength for Buffy.

She'd looked out for Buffy, and looked after Meghan when Buffy was incapable of doing so. By some horrible irony (so Buffy thought) she'd discovered she was three months pregnant four weeks after Angels funeral. It had been that which made Buffy keep going. That and Meghan. She couldn't abandon her beautiful little girl. She looked so much like Angel. At night she still cried, but she was able to live normally. Buffy had given birth to a son, calling him Angelus Nicholas. She would make sure what a wonderful father Angelus had had. Even though Angel was gone she would make sure his memory lived on.

Will had visited her after the funeral. He'd been pale and drawn - more so than usual. All the cockiness had been knocked out of him. Despite all his assertions - and actions he missed his half brother. But Buffy found she couldnt stand to be near him, the memories were too raw, the thought of guilt had threatened to overwhelm her. Oddly Will had understood and had not pressed the issue, hed left quietly without a fuss, for which Buffy was very grateful.

A year after Angels death she'd told Cordelia everything about the night she nearly slept with Will, how Angel had almost drunk himself unconscious out of grief, and Meggies' collapse... She'd listened as Buffy cried in her arms.

Buffy gazed out at the tranquil sight. Angel had always loved this spot. She smiled slightly. Meghan and Angelus stood with their mother beside the fathers grave. It looked as new as shiny as ever. Buffy made sure there were always fresh flowers there, and had placed a photograph of Angel on the tombstone.

They're was little she could remember about the day she lost Angel, and very little over the next six months really. Some people had suggested she moved on, try dating. But Buffy had rejected all offers. She knew she would never feel love like hers and Angel's again, and she didnt want to tarnish it with some poor imitation. The nearest she'd ever got to getting together with someone after Angel's death was a year ago. She'd met Riley Finn, a nice up-standing young man, but he wasn't Angel, and both Meghan and Angelus had made their feelings clear. Frankly, she didnt want to marry again. "Hey" came a soft voice behind her. Cordelia was standing behind her with Gunn, holding her hand. The two eventually had together three years ago. Buffy kept her eyes on the tombstone but greeted them "Hi"

"How are you, Meg and Angelus OK?" Cordy asked

"Yeah they're getting on well in school. Faiths living with us. Angel asked for it in his will. She's good to have around. Shes' got all these stories of Angel as a child, the kids love it."

"What about Will?" Gunn glanced at Cordelia, slightly shocked, but Cordelia gazed levelly at Buffy. "I dont' know, he came to me a few days after the funeral." At that Cordelia's eyes darkened, "I don't know what he wanted. He was lost...he always claimed to hate Angel, but when he died...it hit him hard. Faith didn't really want anything to do with him. She'd know about that night for ages. He left after a while, I...I just couldn't cope with him around. I just kept remembering. I don't know where he is now, last I heard he was living in England with a girl - Drusilla something. I didnt' ask for details. He seems better anyway"

"As do you" she noted. The starving prisoner of war look had finally gone noted Cordelia with relief. "Yeah, I'm a lot better" she admitted "It still hurts sometimes, but mostly I just remember the good times, all of them."

"Has been anyone since?" Gunn asked

"No, I'm not ready. I know its been six years, but I don't want anyone yet. I don't want another relationship. What I had with Angel was magical and I cant repeat that. If I find someone else, great but I'm coping fine alone" she smiled. Buffy placed some flowers by Angel's stone as the three turned and walked awaythe world went black

***

"VITALITUS!!!" came a voice in mind, one so full of anger and rage. The voice filled his mind, just his name delivered in that way, he felt a surge of emotions run through him. He felt all their feelingsall mingled together, but the overwhelming emotion they all shared was a sense of unbelievable fury. He had broken a scared pact, and now he would have to deal with the consequences in their raw form.

Opening his eyes he saw them all. Standing there in judgement of him. Giselles went straight to Sanchia, shed always had a soft spot for him, he noted. "Mesmirized" she summed up. Gently raising her hand over his face, she murmured a few words in a long forgotten language. The glazed look left his eyes, to be taken over by a grim expression, he knew what had happened, and what must surely follow.

Then turned to face Vitalitus. "I of the Nexxus see sufficient evidence to caste him out of Nexxus for life. He had endangered himself and his son, left the minds of those we swore to protect open to harmand violated a scared pact forged in blood." Giselle gazed round the room. Florence stood up. The hushed whispers fell silent. "This....is a serious charge Vitalitus. You have condemned yourself on all charges. However it is not for I, or Giselle to be adopted judge, jury and executioner. I leave that to the wronged party. Sanchia and the warriors themselves." Her words were carefully measured, as always. Looking to Sanchia he slowly got to his feet. "You mesmerised me, your son. You knew I was against your...beliefs from the start. You also knew although you had the experience, you lacked the intricate knowledge, that only I possessed. You looked into the deepest recesses of my mind to gain that knowledge and used it to your own advantage. However casting you out would do more harm than good-"

"I do not believe this!" hissed Giselle. Saffron frowned at her, she was too impatient. Livia stood up "I agree. If one of us had broken it there would be no exceptions. He has knowledge how that not even Sanchia was consciously aware of. He has the opportunity to use it whenever he wants." Her eyes flashed menacingly at Vitalitus as she spoke. Florence raised her hand "Quiet my friends. I understand you distress. But we always agreed when the pact was first formed the wronged will form the accused punishment, regardless of person feelings we will ALL respect that" she said. Silence fell across the room again. "I do not want him exciled. The simple reason being, while he stays here he is bound to us. If we excommunicate him he is free of all ties, allowed to use his information in any way he pleases. I wish for the information he has gained today be removed. It is not the kind of knowledge anyone should have deliberate access to"

"So it shall be done" Florence announced. Vitalitus knew he was wrong, there was things worse than death or excommunication, this was one of them.

***

At the flashing light, the world seemed to melt. Buffy found herself in Connors room kissing Angel. Quickly they pulled away "I..ah..um..S-sorry" she mumbled. "I just had the weirdest feeling" she admitted "as if..I was in...never mind, it's stupid"

"Another world?" he offered, shocked Buffy nodded. "One better than ours, but worse?"

"Yeah, y-you died" she whispered "Cause you weren't a vampire, you died" there was almost a touch of awe in her voice. "Buffy...I know this world is far from perfect, you've been through more than enough-"

"No more than you" she added, her mind briefly going back to That battle

"We're warriors, our selves aren't easy. I've been both sides, and its easier to be bad in the short term, immediate gratification and all that. I know that worldwhatever it was, was better in some parts. I can see it, as if I was there"
"We...we were together, we had a daughter, but you died" she said, tears beginning to trickle down her face. "But I'm here now. Bullets cant harm me in this reality. I've developed pretty good survival skills. I think I'm still gonna be around for a while yet." He said, moving in to hug her. This time she didn't back away. To hell with the no-touch rule. She didn't think either of them would be capable of reaching perfect happiness right now. "I just wish, sometimes I could live in that world...it seemed so perfect, everything I'd always wanted. No slaying, or demons. Mom was alive, she and Dad were still togetherI had you and a child, it was every wish I'd thought of since I became the slayerso why did it go wrong?" she whispered. Shed noticed Connor hadnt been there, nor had Wesley, Fred, Lorne, Willow, Xander..

"Buffy, I remember I constantly used to dream about the perfect world - no demons or vampires. I was human, you werent the slayer...but even then the world isnt perfect, you've got human monsters..murders, rapists - no world is going to be perfect. Someone once said:

"Perfect love is rare indeed - for to be a lover will require that you continually have the subtlety of the very wise, the flexibility of the child, the sensitivity of the artist, the understanding of the philosopher, the acceptance of the saint, the tolerance of the scholar and the fortitude of the certain."

True perfection doesnt exist, there are too many different variables and different perceptions. I sometimes wonder if our lives were ever meant to be perfect BuffyI think whoever tired to achieve that wasted their time. Frankly, I've already got perfection"

"Huh?"
I got my perfection, in you. You. Are. Perfection" he smiled, as he kissed the tip of her nose. It might not be perfect world, but being with each other, that was perfection in its self.