Episode 3

Title: Absolution

Author: Imogene

Disclaimer: All the characters for the BtVS verse and the AtS verse belong to Joss Whedon, Marti Nixon, David Greenwalt, UPN, WB etc etc. New characters all belong to me.

Distribution: Beth's site "First Time For Everything", anyone else, just ask

Dedication: To Beth for all her help and ideas, I couldn't have done it without her

Summary: Faith is realised from prison but can the A-Team, especially Buffy finally forgive her?

Notes: This is going to be like a season of Angel, set 2 years in the future (hence season 5) Ive got a lot of back-story of whats happened to all the significant characters both Scooby Gang and the A-Team thats important to read to understand whats going on. This takes place anytime after "Couplet" - the prophecy "The father will kill the son" never happened, Connor is still with Angel, fully human and now 2 years old. If you really can't be bothered to read it, you at least need to know Dawns been living with Angel for the past 2 years and Wesley and Fred are engaged

Rating: PG-13, in this ep. There will be possible higher rating for later episodes.

***~~~***

Faith gazed out of the window, her head leaded back against the stone wall. Shed been here three years, three years trying to atone for her sins that since he committed over a period of five months. Murder, torture, GBH, arson -they were all done by her when she had felt invincible. For five months shed had the demonic mayor of Sunnydale's devotion and love. She'd been the daughter he'd never had, and he'd given her the love and attention she'd always craved.

When she had arrived in Sunnydale fresh from Boston, she'd just witnessed her Watchers brutal murder, then she'd met Buffy. The original Golden Girl. She was a better slayer, took her duty seriously but didn't go by the book. Faith has resented her. She'd had a loving mother, a devoted watcher and real friends who would do anything for her. She'd known real love with Angel, both before and after he came back. Even when they couldn't sleep together Faith envied her, because she had Angel. Angel that god-like Vampire with a soul whod loved Buffy completely and utterly. One of their kisses was more intimate, held more love and devotion than any of the empty nights of sex she'd had with guys-so shes resented her blond sister-slayer. She'd had everything Faith had dreamed of. She'd liked B though, truthfully it had been difficult for her to hate the girl. She'd been the first person to treat her like a human being in a long time. She wasn't considered a burden or an object, to Buffy she was a friend - a sister slayer. Someone who could understand the loneliness of her calling.

She'd heard about Kendra, the slayer before her. Shed lived for slaying, obeyed the slayer-handbook and died young. The duty of a slayer.

To hell with that. Both Faith and Buffy had ignored the handbook what did musty old books and anally retentive Brit watchers know about Slaying, they had always been on the side-lines, advising, researching but they didnt fight. Until she met Giles, then her opinions had changed, he actually fought, he knew his stuff and he respected Buffy. Yet another resentment staked against Buffy.

Her Watcher - a Ms Vanessa Huntington. Shed be good with Faith, looked after, but never allowed herself to become emotionally attached to Faith, as Giles had to Buffy. She'd resent Buffy having Giles, just as she'd resented Buffy having a mom, friends and Angel.

Then the night that had changed everything. She'd persuaded Buffy to loosen up, go with the flow, and shed enjoyed it. Things had gone wrong, she killed a man that night. Not a demon or vampire, but a living breathing man. It had been an accident, she hadnt wanted to kill anything living or soulful until that night. Angel had been right, shed got off on the power. She convinced herself she didnt care, and thats when her downward spiral started. She knew she'd never had what Buffy had, so she would take away all that Buffy had. Starting with Angel, she'd tried to get Angel to lose his soul, first with her voluntarily then with magick by force, it had failed both times. She'd known if she had got Angel on her side, it would have hurt Buffy more than anything else she could have done to her, knowing that Angel wouldnt have worried about his soul being Angelus and there would have been no boundaries between themIt was too late to think of what might have been. For the first time in her relatively short life, she felt at peace with herself. It wasn't easy, but the other cell-mates knew not to mess with her and left her alone. She didn't mind the quiet it gave her time to think, evaluate herself.

She'd once thought she knew herself: wild party animal, guy magnet chick, now she wasn't so sure. She was still the slayer, still Faith, but she'd changed. Become quieter, more reserved for want of a better word. She was more introspective now. "Gatorex!" yelled one of the guards. Faith's reverie of thought was shattered when she shot her head up. She hadn't done anything wrong this time! "What the hell have you done now Faith?!" snarled Sam, her fellow-inmate. She swore that everything bad in the world was because of Faith that girl was a loony. She conveniently over-looked the fact that she had pleaded insanity to escape prison after killing her parents after a drugs spree Everything was Faith' s fault.

"Nothing - for once" she added under her breath.

"You've got your friend to see you" the guard replied, smiling smugly as Angel came forward. The mood of the girls changed abruptly. After his first visit to Faith, theyd all damaged to know who he was but Faith would be damned if she told them anything. Angel's visits had become the highlight of her week. He came every Tuesday, no matter what for three years. He'd been her life line. So often shed wanted to give up, all she'd been able to see were her victim's faces, pleading, begging and she had just laughed. The power rush had become addictive in the words of Angel "it made her feel like a god." Angel more than anyone else knew what she was going through, to have spent a century as a remorseless killer, then to suddenly have a conscience - a soul and to have all those memoriesit was akin to madness. Angel had proved the solid rock when she needed him, all the others who may have been willing to help had left. What surprised Faith was that is wasn't Angel at all. Her heart sank, it was Deena Capshaw - the prison warden. Evil old cow, she had no idea what went on in the prison and didn't care to know either. "Miss Gatorex, follow me please. We have a proposal you may be interested in" she said curtly. Puzzled Faith moved to the door, as the prison warden unlocked the door. Two other wardens came up behind Ms Capshaw, Faith was well known for being violent and unpredictable, and having her trying to do a runner wouldnt surprise them in the least, but Capshaw waved her hand impatiently. "Thank you but it isn't necessary. I have the utmost confident in Miss Gatorexs ability to control herself. " she nodded curtly to the guards, who bewilderedly stepped back. Faith followed Capshaw through a variety of corridors until the reached a large room shed never seen before. A Varity of sofa were situated round the room, and a large fire was crackling in the grate. Obviously not many prisoners came here. "Miss Gatorex, please take a seat" she said, as she motioned to the chair in front of her huge desk. Obediently she sat, while Ms Capshaw sorted out some papers, before she looked at Faith.

"You've gained quite a reputation in the prison Miss Gatorex. I haven't liked what I've heard, but I understand there were special circumstances involved with yourself" at that Faith's head shoot up, instantly suspicious. "I know what you are Faith, and why you went off the rails" she said quietly. "You're not the first slayer to have gone bad either" she sighed. Faith was speechless, how could she possibly know?! "Don't look so surprised Faith. Why do you think everyones left you alone? Even if rumour gets round a prisoners tough, other prisoners will be willing to challenge them - no one has challenged you. I saw to that, I didn't want to provide you with an opportunity to kill again - even if it was by accident. I think you've got enough death on your conscience, I do not want to add to that. As I said before this has happened to other slayers. How do I know about you, youre wondering. I was once a member of the Watchers council in Great Britain, that was over fifteen years ago. I was young and idealistic back then. I wanted to do good, the slayer represented all that I believed in, until I saw how the Council handle the slayer. Until very recently - in fact until Ms Summers was called, slayers were very much under the thumb of the council. The Watchers were trained to train their charges but remain emotionally distant at all times. Probably a survival method. If you get attached to someone knowing they will probably die within the next few years, I suppose it makes it easier in some ways. If a slayer accidentally killed a person, it was brushed under the rug - so to speak. The incident would be glossed over, hushed up and forgotten. No counciling was given to the girl, no thought to her mental state. Sometimes it became too much for them, some would go insane, while others began to crave to kill again

You were a different case. When you accidentally killed Alan Finch the council were most displease, mainly due to the fact that you were with Ms Summers. They have never liked her and considered her a bad influence on you. They decided the accidental murder would be a perfect time to remove you to England. They never intended you to sit trial, they just wanted to get you away. Unfortunately due to Mr Wyndam Pryce's hasty actions things went haywire, you escaped and you ended up working with the Mayor, and well you know the rest of the story. What I want to talk to you about, Faith is a proposal I was give by your friend, Angel. He suggested it may be more - beneficial for you to be realised on bail under his care. Then you can carry out your slayer duties. It appears thing are rather difficult in L.A. at the moment. You would be under his supervision, any violation of the law would land you straight back in here. I agreed to a trial period of six months, before I review you progress."

"S-so I'm free?" stuttered Faith, not quite believing her ears. Ms Capshaw looked at her a slight smile tugging her lips "Yes you are. Angel has agreed to meet you at the front desk." She stood up, indicating Faith to follow her. Faith was convinced this was a dream, shed wake up in her cell with yet another twenty years in prison. Why should she be left free early just cause she was the slayer yet she knew she'd give anything to be realised early. Everything was so confusing in her mind.

"Mr O'Roarke, sorry to have kept you waiting so long, I was just explaining to Faith the situation." Angel turned to face Faith, she looked like a scared bewildered child

"Umm are you OK with this?" he asked her gently

"Am I OK about getting out of here? You could say that" she said, a small smile edged her lips. The desk warden turned to Faith, with a pile of clothes, the clothes she had worn when she had turned herself in. "T-thanks" she whispered. They looked so forgerin to her now, the clothes she had always been comfortable wearing - tight leather, bustles now she felt uncomfortable, awkward. She didn't think she could where these again they were tainted - from her old life. She forced a smile though, she knew she couldn't go out in her prison grab, so these would have to do, though she swore they'd be burned as soon as she got home wherever home was. A sudden thought hit her, was she going to live with Angel, or would he expect her to get her own place and hed just pop by every so often? Angel had already gone out his way to visit her and get her out of prison, he didn't need her hanging around like a fly.

As she talked towards the changing facilities, Angel stopped her. "Faith I've got some new clothes - if you want them." He offered, slightly embarrassed as he held out a bag to her. Faith felt her eyes well with tears "Thanks" she whispered as she hurried off to the changing room. The clothes were her style, her size, but not quiet asrevelling as before. Brushing her hair, she looked at herself closely in the mirror. She was devoid of make up, leather or plunging necklines. She was amazed at the difference it made to her. It felt as if she'd been hiding behind amask of sorts. Preventing everyone from knowing her, the real her. Her motto : get some, get gone. Another defence mechanism. Guys had hurt her before, so she had turned the tables on them. They couldnt be trusted. It was wham-bam-thank you-maam. She'd done the dumping before they could. Then she'd met the Scooby guys - guys that really cared about women, and weren't in it for the hunt. Then Angel whod helped her so much. The old cynical Faith would have willing slept with him in payment but nowhe didn't want to sleep with her, he simply wanted to help her. That had been a revelation to Faith. He hadn't expected anything in return.

At that moment Angel came in "Are you OK?" he asked gently,

"Yeah" she murmured tearing her eyes away from her reflection to look at him "So you're gonna come and check on me or something?" she asked, as she scuffed the floor with her shoe. "No, I expected youd come back to stay at the Hyperion" he said levelly "Faith, do you have anywhere else to go?" he pointed out gently, her silence was answer enough. "I'm not letting you take some sleazy motel somewhere Faith. I want to know your being properly looked after." Faith looked at him for a second

"Angel" she began, wanted to express her gratitude, explain how no one had helped her like this before, but she found she couldnt find the right words

"Yeah?"

"Umm thanks for everything" she said smiling

"Your welcome Faith"

***~~~***

Cordelia, Gunn, Wesley, Buffy and Fred were all in the main entrance hall, waiting for the new arrival. Cordelia was flicking through a magazine, trying to concentrate. "I just hope she doesn't expect to borrow my clothes" commented Cordelia airily, but with an agitated tone underlying it that no one missed. Gunn looked at Cordelia incredulously "From what you tell me of this girl, she's more likely to borrow Wes's clothes than yours" he teased gently, Wesley face flickered. "I still can't believe hes bringing her back here, on early parole no less! I dont understand it. Why does Angel have to save every soul no matter how evil they are: Darla, Lindsey, Faith, - I mean do you remember how hard he tried with his bitch-of-a-sire? Look where that got him, a whole pile of brooding and angst that he - and we can really do with out. Why does he save all the bad chicks. What is it about evil chicks that makes Angel think he has to save them?" she demanded

"Cause their hot" Gunn replied smirking "Yeah their evil but Darla and Lilah are hot and from what I heard about Faith. No two ways bout it, theres something real sexy about a dangerous women"

"Oh thats great Charles! So is Lilah next on Angel's "Hot chicks Who I have to redeem list"?! There evil for God sake! I swear you men cant look past the lip gloss and push up bra sometimes." At that Wes's glared at her "Sorry, I'm not counting you in that statement Wes"

"Oh so Wes isn't a real man anymore?" Gunn smirked at Wesleys offended glare at the seer. Cordelia rolled her eyes "Oh shut up! Wes is a big girl's blouse and he knows it" she said dismissively, missing Wesley glaring daggers at her and Gunns poorly concealed snort. She glared at Gunn he was such a.guy sometimes. He hadn't had to go through the hell that was Faith, and he was willing to give her a slap on the wrist and forgive and forget cause 'evil chicks are hot huh!. Her glance ticked over to Wesley, he looked perfectly calm but she knew better. Last time he saw Faith she had been torturing him, and enjoyed it. "I'm sure Angel has a good reason for bringing Faith here" argued Wesley

"Yeah, he saves souls. Big news. It doesnt mean he gets to bring the girl back who made your lives hell on earth in the space of two days. I don't know why you're defending her, after what she did to you" muttered Cordelia

"She deserves another chance-"
"We GAVE her chances Wes. When she first killed that guy Buffy, Giles and Angel tried to help her. Buffy gave her another chance when she came out of her coma, she didn't care, so why should we help born-again psycho slut slayer?" she demanded, hands on hips "What about Angel?" queried Gunn, looking at his girlfriend. For someone who was a seer she could be so short-sighted at times. "What's Angel got to do with this? He didn't steal Buffys body, torture Wes, or hit me, or try to kill um himself several times. He isn't evil!"

"What about when he turns into Angelus?" Gunn asked quietly, at that Cordelia paused.

"That's not Angel, you know that! Angel has a soul. He doesn't kill people so you can't blame Angel for killing that a demon did in his body, its like possession, it's out of your control"

"What about when Angel fired us and allowed Darla and the mad grandma-daughter thing to kill all those lawyers, we forgave him, allowed him back. What makes Faith so different. We've all been given second chances here Cor - I was a smart-assed street kid, never paid for anything in my whole damn life. I didnt care about vamps having souls or good demons - I just killed it. Wes was a bad watcher, he messed up with Buffy and Faith, especially Faith. You were a bitchy prom queen, didn't care about anyone else but yourself if we can forgive Angel why can't we forgive Faith?"

"Because she's just evil!" spluttered Cordelia. "OK so Wes really messed up being her watcher and set her off on the trail to mass destruction and murder, and sure he stopped Angel from helping her, and Buffy wanted to kill her when she came here to give Angel a mouthful - which I still haven't forgotten by the way, and yeah she had a crappy childhood and we never really let her in to Scooby meetings or tried to make an effort with her" she trailed off slightly, and rubbed her hand over her forehead "Fine, fine we forgive her we were partly responsible, in the business of saving lost souls, blah, blah blah" moaned Cordelia. "I still hate her though" she added for emphasis.

"Gunns right. I feel responsible for what happened to Faith, if Id been more understanding and not so eager to please the council, perhaps she would have turned to the dark side-"
"Wes, we're not in Starwars, shes not Darth Vadar, although I guess I could kinda see the similarity, good goes bad - expect the whole being a man part" commented Cordelia absently "And anyway its not your fault you were a total jerk back then, hey Buffy didn't have any fashion sense back then either" she shrugged, and smiled at her, Buffy rolled her eyes "Nice to know you haven,t changed too much" Buffy grimaced. She still couldn,t work out how she felt about Faith returning.

Was Faith truly sorry for everything shed done or was it just a cover to get out? But why spend three years in prison if she wasn't truly sorry, why voluntarily turn herself in. If this was a game Faith must have a hell of a lot of patients, not something which she had ever associated with Faith.

Could she have tried harder? Shed never really considered why Faith had joined Mayor Wilkens in the first place, shed simply placed her in the enemy camp. She'd never realised Faith was so desperate for love and affection she'd be willing to get in from anywhere- even someone evil.

Yes the Mayor had genuinely cared for her in his twisted way, and Faith had cared for him. She had been his one weakness human weakness. She'd never really included Faith in the Scooby meeting she hadn't meant to, but somehow she had pushed Faith out. Maybe Faith had been right about the deputy mayor when she killed him- it had been an accident there was no doubt about that, but because Faith always lived on the wild side, she hadn't taken it in the same way as Buffy...thats what had started all this off...

Faith had understood her better than anyone else- except Angel, and now she'd alienated them both....typical Buffy, lash out first, regret later. She'd hurt them both so much, she remembered Faith's pleading eyes and tone when she begged her to listen...the cold threat of her voice when she told Faith if she attempted to apologise she would beat her to death- and she had meant it, she would have killed her- a human being...a living person. She would have crossed that line, the one which changed everything for Faith- even worse she would have killed her sister slayer.

The time for past grievances had to be put away. She knew the End of Days was just round the corner, and theyd need all the mussel power they could get. Before Faith had betrayed her shed never believed in grudges - her life was too short, then after Faith's numerous betrayals, she hung to her grudge desperately. It was something that she could load all her problems onto, everything was Faith's fault. Of course that wasn't true but Faith was a convent scapegoat. Faith had been everything she wasn't perhaps she'd been jealous of Faith. Hard to believe but true. Faith had always been so free, wild, unrestrained. No one battered an eyelid if she broke the rules, but if good little Buffy did all hell would break loose (sometimes literally) but truthfully she didnt want to carry a drudge against Faith anymore. After what she'd been through and done over the past two years she was in no position to throw stones. She'd began to understand how easy it was to go off the rails, especially if like Faith you didnt have anything to loose.

She understood why Faith had gone bad, God knows she wanted to. She'd watched Willow - her sweet best friend fall slowly into darker and darker magick. Shed watched her grief-stricken face as she desperately clung onto Taras body her death had been a result of Willows over-indulgence in magick. She'd loved Tara so much and her death had finally sent her off the rails. In Willow shed seen what shed been too blind to notice with Faith. People aren't born bad. They become it, and usually gradually. Tara had managed to just about keep Willow in check. Her natural respect for magick ad the earth was able to stable Willow until her death. But no one had kept Faith in check. Not even Angel, by the time he'd finally got to her it had been too late. She'd been too embroiled in the feelings of hate.

Faith hadn't spoken to Angel once on the car ride home. What the hell could she talk to him about, it wasnt like they had any pleasant memories between them: poisoning, assassination attempts, seduction. The first time she met him she had tried to kill him at the demand of rogue watcher Gwendoline Post, hardly a way to get off on the right foot was it?

All the while Angel had been coming to visit her in prison she had opened up her soul to him. He knew things about her she would never tell another living - or undead soul. It had been a relief to tell him everything, as if she was getting rid of the old Faith and making a new Faith. She had changed that was certainly true. Looking back she saw pictures of herself before she went evilbefore the coma. She looked different, something in her eyes perhaps? She didn't know what it was but she did know that she could never go back to who she was before, she didn't want to. This was her second well OK tenth chance and she was going to make the most of it. Angel had stood by her when everyone else was willing to play executioner. She remembered Wesleys facethe painful screams and her laughter. Shed loved every minute of it, but she knew her memories were nothing compared to Angel. When she joined the Mayor - and truthfully before that she'd considered herself such a bad-ass. She was a slayer - powerful a force to be reckoned with but she knew that if she had ever met the real Angelus - not Angel imitating him she would have just appears a pale reflection, a wannabe. Angelus was real evil, she had just been an amateur.

One thing she'd always tried to consider when she turned herself in was what had made her go bad in the first place, why a slayer, a force for goodness and light had turned to help a demon. On the surface it was easy. Jealousy, bad home, neglected, ignored - poster child for on-coming disaster. But she knew it was more than that. True she hadn't had the best childhood with a drunken abusive mother, but her dad had been different. Faith had adored her father, probably why she had become so attached to the mayor. In some small way he reminded her of him. Her dad had been told he was sterile so when Faith had been born it had been a surprise. He'd lavished attention and love on Faith, his only child. Her mom had grown to resent it, then her dad had died. An accident with a barbecue fork was the official reason, and Faith had been left alone with her resentful mother that's when it had started. She had changed from a quiet child into an independent teenager.

Then her slayer powers had emerged. She'd been determined to screw society over they way it had screwed her "Faith?" came Angels soothing voice forcing her out of her day-dream. "You OK?" he asked, turning towards her as he pulled the car up by the Hyperion. Course he knew she wasn't OK really. She was still in a bad state and had a long way to go before she was out of the woods yet and he knew his friends were more than a little reluctant to have Faith stay, but it was something that had to be done. Faith needed people to help her, support her at the moment. The last thing she needed was damning criticism and hatred, he just prayed his friends would realise that too. "I don't think this was such a good idea Angel. I mean I could easily a motel or something your friends won't want me here. I mean I wouldn't want me here if I'd had those things done to mean....Wes....and Buffy. I can't go in" she whispered, her eyes that of a frightened child. It was a look Angel had never seen on her before. He'd seen a lot of emotion in Faiths eyes before - malice, wildness, confusion, hatred, lust, sorrow.But never once had he seen fear. She was terrified.

Faith gazed at the door of the Hyperion as if it was the gates of Hell itself. She'd never wanted to run so much in her life. Would Angel really notice if she just sneaked away? "Faith I know this isnt easy for you, and isnt going to be easy for any of us bur Im not having you end up in a dingy little motel like back in Sunnydale. You deserve better than that" he said forcefully. Faith was amazed at the conviction in his voice "Since when do I deserve anything Angel. C'mon you do the math. You know better than anyone what its like to hurt people and enjoy, then to suddenly care. I feel dirty, disgusting. I don't deserve any of this. I should still be in prison - you spent over eighty years homeless living off rats and now you help people. I've never helped anyone in my life. I slayed cause I liked it. It made me feel powerful when Id been so powerless as a kid. I loved it. I didnt do it to help people, thats B's code not mine. You know what it feels like to feel worthless. To deserve nothing so why are you doing this?"

"Cause I think you're worth saving" he replied calmly. "Faith it's my job to save lost souls. Everyone in that building is or was one - all of them. I want you to stay, I want to help me Faith but you have to trust me. Again" he said, gazing at Faith. Trust him, huh a slayer trust a vampire irony in itself. Yet she did trust him, she trusted him with her life and more. He was her one friend and she was gonna cling to him for as long as possible. "O.K" she whispered.

Buffy waited by the door, Connor holding her hand, the room was so silent you could have heard a pin drop. The tension was rising in leaps and bounds. She wasnt sure she was ready to meet Faith again, after all last time they had met Buffy had tried to kill her, and she wasnt sure that given the chance she wouldnt try to do exactly the same again, and that worried her. She didnt trust herself round Faith, anymore more than she trusted Faith herself. Yet it wasn't as clear cut as it used to be. She wasnt even sure why she hated Faith so much anymore. Sure on the surface there were hundreds of reasons to hate her: she'd tried to steal both Angel and Riley, attempted to kill Angel several times, kidnapped Willow, attempted to kill Xander, killed innocent people, stole her body, slept with Rileythe list was endless yet somehow none of it seemed to matter. If Faith stole her body now she wouldnt mind frankly. Her life - or whatever you'd call it was hardly worth much at the moment. She didn't feel much at the moment and knew she wouldnt be able to cope with Faith coming, yet she had to.

She'd come to Angel for help, in a last ditch attempt to re-gain her will to live, and her self-respect two thing that had gradually deserted her over the last few years, with Spikes help of course she had to give him that much credit. He'd been able to find a chink in her armour, exploit her for his own pleasure. Chipped demon, fine helpful souled vamp - never! She felt so much anger it was unbelievable, toward Spike and herself mostly. She hated herself almost as much as she hated him. He'd done nothing that she hadnt been willing to participate in after all. But it wasn't just Spike, it was everyone: Faith, her mom, Giles, Willow, Xander, her duty and Angel. She hated them all. She hated Willow for bringing her back, Giles for leaving her to bring up Dawn, Xander for not helping her, Faith because she was easy to hate and Angel for leaving her firstfor bringing Faith back. She hated him and loved her more than anything at the same time. She knew he wasnt trying to hurt her. His decision had caused everyone a lot of pain. Cordelia and Wesley had been through the horror of Faith, Wesley especially had not been able to find any reason to let her come stay, despite Fred and Angels arguments. Hed left the room in disgust. Of course later on hed come down and apologised to Angel, ever the proper English gentleman, never lost his temper and regretted it when his behaviour fell short.

The only ones not totally fazed by Faiths coming were Fred, Gunn and Dawn. Obviously Gunn and Fred had had nothing to do with Faith and knew her only by reputation, yet both felt Faith deserved another chance, in spite or perhaps because of Cordelias impassioned speech about "evil bitch queens leader Faith"

Dawn had been too young to understand a lot of Faith's actions in Sunnydale, shed thought Buffy and Faith had been friends and then fallen out. Nice and simple to her childs mind, like when Angel lost his soul. For Dawn there had been no gray just black and white, as far as she was concerned Angel was good Angelus was bad end of story. Shed been able to welcome him back when he came back from hell without any rancour, just genuine happiness. Shed always loved having Angel around, 'Sir Hunkalot' she'd called him to annoy Buffy. She was glad Dawn hadnt really been told in depth about Faith, perhaps it would allow Dawn to accept Faith and she could be her friend. Buffy knew that Faith needed friends more than anything else at the moment, as much as she needed them. In many ways they were in the same situation. Both wanted reassurance, redemption, forgiveness yet neither felt worthy of it. She knew she had to give Faith a chance no matter how hard it was for her.

Faith took a deep breath. She briefly thought about now a door could change your life; her two major door life changes: walking into Mayor Wilkens office to offer her services and walking through the prison door to hand herself in. Simply going through the door had had such a dramatic impact on her life, it wasn't really surprising she was terrified of going through this one. What awaited her on the other side wasn't going to be easy to face, it was worse than the fate of prison. IN prison you knew exactly where you stood: the bottom of society, the bottom of the pile. Everyone was as bad as you. The people behind that door however were good, they helped people, sure they weren't perfect and had made mistakes but they hadn't killed anyone in pure spite. They killed demons to save people she had killed for fun. Going through those steps was the final act of stripping away the old Faith - the unloved, screwed up Faith. She desperately wanted to yet she was afraid. Afraid of leaving that old Faith, that had been the only Faith she had ever known, it had been her armour and now she had to give it up and she wasn't sure she was ready. What if she was still evil or crazy? She couldn't say for definite that she wasnt and what would happen if something happened?! These were Angels closet friends - his family. He also had Dawn, Buffy's baby sister and a kid of his own, Connor. What if she did something to them - even accidentally? If Dawn was hurt Buffy would run from Sunnydale to personally rip her into pieces and little Connor. He'd be about two now. Angel had been filling her in on his progress during his visits. He was every inch the proud, protective father. If Connor was ever hurt because of her Angel would kill her - but not before she would kill herself, she knew she would never be able to live with herself if anything happened to Connor, and she knew that was a good sign she was healing. Slowly, but getting there.

Angel glanced at briefly, trying to give her some of his strength as he opened the door. He was half expected to have to drag Faith in she looked so scared. Her whole body seemed to close in on itself, she looked smaller, her shoulders hunched, eyes squarely on the floor, not daring to look up for fear of her accusers eyes. "Faith. Nice to see you" came Cordelia's overly cheerful voice. The girl might want to be an actress but shed never get away will that voice thought Faith, involuntarily flinching at Cordelias sugar coated greeting. She knew Cordelia didn't mean a word of it, she was simply helping Angel. "Your room is on the second floor, you'll have all the normal stuff, bed, lamp, bathroom yadda yadda" Cordelia rattled off, then paused. She looked at Faith, really looked at her and felt a pang of guilt from somewhere, she didnt really want to examine too closely. She looked different, she felt a wave of despair and loneliness come off Faith - like nothing she'd ever experienced.

During the uncomfortable pause, Fred came to the rescue by darting out of the line to met Faith. For the first time Faith looked up into her face. She was amazed by the freshness and innocence in Freds face. The large expressive eyes and genuine smile lit up her whole face. Faith felt comfortable round her, even though she didn't know her. "Hi, ahm Fred, actually Winnifred Claire Berkley but everyone calls me Fred, cause Winnifreds soold fashioned. Ah grew up in Texas and it was pretty much monster free. Except for the odd barbecue accident till ah got sucked into a portal where humans were slaves, ah was there five years till Angel rescued me. Well that ma life, pretty boring really" Fred ended sheepishly. "Ah just want you to knowah think you were real brave to go to prison, ahve heard some God-awful stories and ah think it was real honest of you, and ah admire honesty" she said, smiling at Faith. "Uh you get used to her" Angel offered by way of explanation, Fred smiled sheepishly "Ah just wanna welcome you" she added

"This is Gunn uh Charles Gunn. Gunn - this is Faith"

"The other slayer?" Gunn said, raising an eyebrow in obvious appreciation as he looked at Faith, which did not go unnoticed by Faith and most unfortunately by Cordelia who glared daggers at him "Please tmeet ya" he said by way of greeting. Clearly a man of action rather than words. There was a slightly leer on his face, but his warm brown eyes belied a genuine warmth. Faith liked him immediately, but she also knew immediately that Cordelia would claw her eyes out if she tried anything with Gunn, and she respect that. Girl power and all that jazz, it was cool when it wasn't directed at her that was. Wesley was standing a bit to the side, Cordelia. It seemed they were offering each other support. "Faith it...it's good to see you" Wesley said, his voice clear yet it shook just slightly. "I hope you'll be able to find the peace you desire" he added, a genuine concern in his eyes. Faith dared to glance up at him for a moment and felt an immense burden lifted off her shoulders. Wesley was beginning to forgive her, or he was at least willing to move forward. It was more than she could have ever expected in the circumstances. "Dawn's not here, shed gone out with a friend, she didnt know you'd be here. I'm sure she'll want to see you when she comes back" Angel offered

"It's fine" Faith said, the first words she had spoken since her arrival. They seemed to echo of the walls. "I guess that just leaves me" came an all too-familiar voice. Faith glance up and her eyes went round as she saw Buffy...Buffy of all people standing opposite her with a small boy holding her hand. He was obviously Angels son - his eyes gave that away if nothing else. "This is Connor" Buffy added, gazing steadily at Faith. "I'II didn't know you'd be here" stuttered Faith, looking like she was about to bolt. Angel laid a comforting hand on Faith, trying to calm her. "Well, I didn't either. My visit was kinda spur of the moment and totally unplanned, so um...you look good" she mumbled, feeling like an idiot

"No I don't" whispered Faith "I look like someone who just been realised from prison and is desperate to get back inside" slowly she lifted her bags onto her shoulder, desperate to get away. Angel sensing Faith was about to crack showed her to her room.

****

Faith had been crying for the past few hours it was something shed rarely done in her short life. She'd always been punished for crying by her mother "only babies cry" she'd taunted. Her face was blotchy her tear streaks down her face. It had felt good to let it all out. She'd never cried in prison, on awake anyway. Sometimes in her dreams she cried but that was different. She gazed at the one photo in the room. It was of her and her dad. Faith was four at the time, her hair in long plates with flowers and bright green dungarees. Her arms were throw around her dad, and both had huge smiles on their faces. Her dad had been the one person who had loved her unconditionally - or at all for that matter. It was also the one photo of her childhood, after his death theyd been no more photos or smiled.

Her mom was never the emotional type. She missed her daddy. A five year old didnt understand what leukaemia was or why daddy had to keep going way, why was all his hair falling out and why didnt he come back one day? Eventually she'd stopped asking her mom, and she'd stopped getting hit for asking. This photo was the only possession shed kept over her life. The gilded frame was beginning to loose it's shine but it was still beautiful. Faith had gazed at it for a while, tears still tricking down her face, when a sudden knock startled her "C-come in" she stuttered. Her nerves were still jangly from the emotional reunion over three hours ago. Probably Angel come to check up on her, but it wasn't Angel it was Buffy. Mixed feelings ranged through the two slayers - former friends and former enemies neither was sure what they were now. "I um...wanted to come and see how you are" sighed Buffy, as she came and sat on Faiths bed. She noticed Faith's tear stained face and the photo frame. "How are you doing?" she asked quietly

"Crappy. I feel like shit" she whispered

"I know the feeling" Buffy sighed, Faith gazed at her. Buffy - shitty? Since when?

"There's been a lot going on in my life. Ive been sleeping with Spike"

"Chipped soulless slayer killer William-the -bloody Spike?" Faith gasped in disbelief

"The one and the same. I came to Angel for help. I messed up Faith, I have been for the past three plus years. I had to send Dawn to Angel cause I couldn't look after her. I didnt want to cope or have responsibilities. I gave up - like you. I think I can understand what you went through and why you did the things you did I've had to face some harsh truths myself I didnt like what I saw, but I don't have a choice. I messed up, same as you did. Weve both made bad choices, lost our way. Same as Angel, weve been in dark places that none of us care to remember." She paused here. Faith looked at her, almost disbelieving "What I'm saying is thatIve hated you for a long time-"
"I'm not blaming you B-" began Faith but Buffy cut her off

"I'm not sure of much of anything right now, but I know what its like to mess up - to thoroughly fuck up your life."

"You at least had an excuse B, you were yanked from heaven"

"No, that was my scape-goat. No one made me sleep with Spike, he didn't rape me. I wasnt forced to stop caring to give up on life - I made that choice. I can see more clearly now how you made the choices you didn't. I watched Willow become evil. I havent spoken to her in three years. She was my best friend and I lost her because I was too busy sleeping with Spike. Tara was killed and I failed Dawn. I got a job in a burger bar because I could be bothered to try for anything else. You're not the only one whos messed up Faith. The original Golden Girl Miss Sunshine has made a royal mess of her life. What I'm trying to say is I understand why you did it. I want to be your friend again but its gonna take a long time. I'm not who I was nor are you. But I'm willing to give it a shot if you are" Buffy ventured. Faith looked at her hardly daring to hope "I'm game if you are" she smiled, tears threatening to spill from her eyes again.

"Who's this?" Buffy indicated to the photo
"My dad - Peter Gatorex. I was three, and the dungarees weren't one of my best fashion statements but there nothing compared to the shell suit I owned"

"Don't worry I had one" Buffy offered a smile touching her lip

"Yeah but yours wasnt bright purple and lime green" Faith groused, daring Buffy to come up with a worse colour "Well yeah, mine was pink. With My Little Ponies" she added sheepishly. "What happened to your dad?" Buffy asked suddenly "You've never mentioned him "He died a year after this was taken, he already had leukaemia but he didnt tell anyone and refused all treatment" she sighed. Buffy looked at her in sympathy, perhaps it would be possible to put their past behind them. As they continued to talk laughter and tears fell freely. The healing process had begun.