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TITLE: Let's Talk About Sex, Baby
AUTHOR: Reed
E-MAIL: iheartbareed@yahoo.comDISCLAIMER: Like I would even want them after this
season.
TIMELINE: Sometime S4/S1. Riley and Buffy have only gone on a few dates. Tara and Willow are openly together. Cordelia is going out with Doyle because he didn't die in "Hero" but "Expecting" happened with Doyle in place of Wesley before they started going out.
SPOILERS: Everything through S4/S1.
SYNOPSIS: Cordelia visits from L.A. and the girls have a sleepover.
DISTRIBUTION: Tell me first.
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
From a challenge by Victoria:
* Buffy just started to date Riley (one , two dates)
* She and the girls have slumber party and start to talk about sex
* Riley and his little soldiers bug the party to find out about something and gets stuck for the whole thing
Optional ( pick six or more)
* Buffy talk about Angel / (us)
* Buffy accidentally slips that she and Angel are still having sex
* Some unusual place to have sex
* Anya share something we don't want to know about Xander
* Willow remembers the time she catched Buffy and Angel doing something nasty.
* Cordelia tells something shocking.
* Tara saying something ( :
* Dawn lurking and writing down blackmail information about the girls.
* Spike trapping the soldiers till Angel comes.
FEEDBACK: Oh please, oh please, oh please.
RATING: R for kinda graphic sex talk.
***********************
"Riley!" Buffy called across the quad, running to catch up with the sandy-haired boy.
"Hey Buffy, what's up?"
"Listen, Cordelia, my friend from high school, is visiting this weekend from L.A. so I'm gonna have to cancel our date. I'm really sorry." The conciliatory words were out of her mouth before she even realized it, but then she realized they weren't even true. She was perfectly glad that Cordelia's visit gave her an excuse to cancel her third date with Riley. He was extremely boring and the only reason she was going out with him was because Willow kept pushing it and she had nothing better to do.
"Maybe she could come to dinner with us. I could bring a friend for her."
"Well actually, she has a boyfriend and I was thinking that we could do the girl talk thing, so I'd rather just reschedule."
"It's alright, Buffy, I understand."
"Thanks Riley." She flashed him a mostly fake smile and walked away.
*****
"Hey Ri, what's going on man?" Graham said, entering the frat house. "Don't you have a hot date with Buffy tonight?"
"No, she had to cancel. A old friend of hers is visiting and they're doing the sleepover and catch up thing."
"We should go spy," Graham suggested.
"What?"
"Do you know what girls talk about at sleepovers? Guys. We can get all the dirt. And it's not like we don't have the technology."
"I dunno..." Riley stuttered.
"Come on man. Don't be a wuss."
"Fine."
*****
"Buffy, Willow!" Cordelia entered their dorm room, giving them both a huge hug. "It's so good to see you guys. Strangely enough I've missed Sunnyhell."
"Once a Scooby, always a Scooby," Buffy joked, hugging her brunette friend. "Come on in."
"We're so ready for this weekend," Willow enthused. "We've got all sorts of snacks, chick flicks, nail polish, and mud masks. Total girly weekend. It's going to be so much fun."
"We told you that Tara and Anya are coming too, right?"
"Yeah, I'm excited to meet Tara but I'm not too thrilled about seeing Anya again."
"Yeah, well you get used to her. They should be here soon."
*****
Riley, Forrest and Graham watched as a brunette entered Buffy's dorm room. Then, they turned to the basement door and went down. They set up their equipment so they could here all the activity through the floor, then they sat down and waited for the juicy details to pour in.
*****
Spike walked down the corridor on his way to pay the Slayer and her witchy friend a little visit. He grumbled something about not being Giles' bitch. Just because he was staying with the wanker didn't mean he was his errand boy. He glanced down at the book he was in charge of delivering. It was just a stupid psychology text, not any interesting magic book that he could use to wreak a little havoc. He was still the big bad after all. He turned the corner to see Buffy's Cardboard Commando boyfriend and his buddies sneak down to the basement with a bunch of electrical fancy-shmancy looking equipment.
"Stupid wankers. What the hell are they doing?" He fought the urge to follow them and kick their asses for putting the stupid chip in his head, but couldn't because of the stupid chip in his head. Instead he turned the lock and jammed a chair under the door. If he couldn't rip their throats out, mere inconvience would be ok for now.
Part 2
Buffy stretched out and looked at the clock. It was only eleven. They had talked a little, but it had been hard with Cordelia and Buffy both steering around the topic of Angel. Then they had watched 10 Things I Hate About You and She's All That, painted each other's nails, and pigged out on junk food.
"Okay gals, time for Truth or Dare."
"Aw come on Cordelia. I don't wanna play, its so juvenile," Buffy complained.
"Fine, how 'bout Truth or Truth. It'll be totally Sex and the City. Or Sex and the Hellmouth. Whatever." The girls, being a little sugarhigh, all giggled. "Okay, I'll ask the first question and we all have to answer. What's the best sex you've ever had?" Tara and Willow both blushed to their roots.
"Xander, of course," Anya answered immediately. "Everytime. He has the most perfect penis..."
"Ugh Anya!" Buffy yelped. "Too much information. Stop now." Willow and Tara looked traumatized and Cordelia smirked, not denying anything.
"Ok Willow, you're next."
"Ummmm," the red-headed Wicca blushed, "I'd say Tara, after I stopped being so nervous about it."
"I'd s-s-say Willow, t-t-too," Tara stuttered. The two women smiled at each other. Buffy tensed. She was next and she knew the answer, but she didn't want to say it out loud.
"Buffy?" Cordelia prompted.
"Angel," she said softly, looking down at her hands.
"Your first time?" Cordelia asked, incredulous. "Aren't first times supposed to be painful or did I just have a dud?"
"No, mine was too," Willow said. Tara and Anya nodded in agreement.
"Well mine wasn't at all." Buffy smiled slightly with the memory. "Angel, well, he's been around awhile. He's got a lot of experience and he knows what he's doing. He made sure it was amazing. He totally focused on me and it was without a doubt the best night of my life." There was a short silence. "So, Cordy, how 'bout you?" Buffy said, making her voice upbeat.
"Doyle, most definitely. The half-demon thing adds some interesting quirks, but he's the first guy I've been with that I actually love."
"Aw, Cordy, you really did go soft," Willow teased. The brunette grinned widely.
"Just a little. After Xander, I promised myself I'd never date a bad dresser again, but" she continued over Anya's objection, "I can't help it though. He's such a sweetheart."
*****
Riley, Forrest, and Graham had been sitting around for four hours listening to the noises of the movies and girlish giggling. They had played cards to pass the time but it was getting pretty boring. Finally they heard the voice that had come to know as Cordelia suggest a game of Truth or Truth.
"Now it's gonna get good," Forrest grinned, rubbing his hands together in mock(?) evil. They listened to the rounds until it was Buffy's turn.
"Who's Angel?" Graham asked Riley and the blonde boy shrugged.
"Ex-boyfriend, I guess. She never mentioned him."
"Well its sounds like you've got a lot to live up to."
"Yeah well it won't be a problem," Riley postured.
Part 3
"Okay next question, worst kiss ever. I'll go first," Willow said. "7th grade, Xander's birthday, we played Spin The Bottle. There was this kid Andy. Do you remember him Cor?"
"Oh my God yes! He had brown hair in, like, a 'fro and buckteeth. YOU KISSED HIM?!?"
"Spin The Bottle. Focus here. It was pretty awkward."
"Mine's kinda of the same, Spin the Bottle, ninth grade I think. His name was Simon and our braces got stuck together. It was soo embarrassing," Tara shared.
"Oh no!" All the girls giggled.
"Mine beats that," Anya proudly announced. "About 500 years ago, I was fucking this demon Grahlkashan and one of his fangs pierced my tongue."
"Ow!" was the general exclamation but Buffy said something different.
"Come on Anya. It's not that hard to kiss around fangs. In fact, it's kinda sexy." When the shocked looks came her way, she realized what she had just said. The sugar was really getting to her head because she never mentioned Angel or anything about Angel without a serious note in her voice. Seeing that her friend was about to get the equivalent of Angel's "Buffy"-face, Cordelia quickly changed the topic.
"Well mine is pretty high up there. It was Wesley."
"Cordy, when did you kiss Wesley!?!"
"Right before Graduation. We were emptying the library shelves and he was all "Since Buffy fired me, I'll be going back to England since there's no reason from me to stay" and I was like "Maybe you can find a reason" then we kissed and it was so sloppy and awkward. Very very bad." They all laughed.
"How about you, Buffy?" Tara asked, growing more comfortable with the situation.
"Um...I would have to say Riley. He kissed me for the first time after our date the other night. It was so tight lipped and dry and there was absolutely no chemistry."
"But I thought you liked him?" Willow asked surprised.
"Well, he's nice I guess but he's kind of boring and he keeps talking about cheese."
*****
"Hey, how does Buffy know about kissing with fangs?" Riley asked distressed.
"I'm sure that there's a simple explanation for that one. But what was the Anya girl talking about?" The spying commandos were becoming more and more confused by references to demons and the Hellmouth. How did these normal girls know about that stuff? However, their pondering was interrupted when Buffy shared her worst kiss. With her revelation, Riley grew red and Forrest and Graham started laughing.
"Hey! Stop laughing!!" Riley objected.
"I'm sorry man," Graham said, calming both him and Forrest. But then another comment from above caused them to fall back into hysterics.
"Cheese?"
"Dammit," Riley swore. "I knew this was a bad idea. We need to go now." He rushed up the stairs and went to open the door, but found that he couldn't. "Hey, um, guys...?"
Part 4
"Worst sex you've ever had."
"Parker, most definitely," Buffy said immediately. "He never spent more than one night with the same girl is because, honestly who would want to."
"Mine's easy too," Cordelia continued. "I went out with this guy Wilson Christopher..."
"Wait!" Buffy interjected, excitedly. "THE Wilson Christopher, famous fashion photographer, worked for Vogue AND Cosmo."
"Yes, but calm down girly. He is, or was - I'm not quite sure what Angel did to him, a superduper demon-worshipping sleazebag. I slept with him and on top of the really bad sex, I woke up the next morning alone and nine months pregnant with demon spawn."
"Eeew!"
"Luckily, Angel and Doyle were about to kill the demon which aborted the pregnancy and Thank God, I don't have any stretch marks."
"That's really bad sex," Willow agreed. "I think I would have to say my worst experience was my first time because of the ow factor."
"I'll say the same," Tara agreed. Neither of them had been that sexually adventurous and didn't have that many stories to contribute.
"I copulated with this Larckonim demon because he was seven feet tall and had really large hands. I thought his penis would be very big and satisfying, but I was greatly disappointed. He was nothing like Xander."
"Yeah, you said that before. You didn't have to say it again," Willow insisted.
"I have a question," Anya asked. "What's the most unusual place you've ever had sex? I have an interesting one. I was dating a Kazlear demon and we did it in the middle of a town during a riot."
"What?!?"
"There was a bunch of vampires looting and whatnot, but I was horny..."
"Alright, that's enough," Buffy said holding her hand up to stop the madness.
"Um, I guess mine is the back of Oz's van," Willow offered.
"I dunno, I've never had s-sex anywhere weird."
"How about heavy duty fooling around?" Anya expanded the playing field.
"Um, I, uh, guess the back of a movie theater."
"I think I know Buffy's," Willow stated.
"Oh really?"
"Yeah, do you remember that time when I walked into the library and Angel was..." she trailed off, trying to find the least crude way to put it.
"What?" Anya asked, "Eating her out?" Willow and Buffy blushed as Anya gracelessly stated what Willow had been trying to gloss over.
"Well, yeah," Buffy said, still red.
"The library's not that weird," Cordelia insisted. "Xander and I fooled around there all the time." Seeing Anya's death glare, she added, "But don't worry, it's not an experience I'm going to repeat."
"Alright, then I'll go with the graveyard," Buffy decided.
"Isn't that, like, sacrilegious or something?" Tara asked shyly.
"I never thought about it that, but I don't think so. Besides what were we supposed to do? Patrolling can get very boring." The girls' giggling prevented Buffy from sinking into Angel memory haze.
"My weirdest place would have to be Angel's desk," Cordy told. As the conversation progressed, Buffy had found it easier to mention her experiences with Angel but once again, Buffy restrained herself from asking how he was. She wanted it to be a much-needed fun night with the girls, not a Angel-missage mopefest. "We've done it more than once too. If Angel found out he would definitely not be happy. Not that it's matters though."
"Huh?" Buffy asked.
"Nothing, I just meant that it doesn't matter what he thinks because he can't do anything about it," Cordelia quickly covered.
*****
"What the hell is going on?" Riley groused. They were locked in the basement and hearing the dirt about Buffy's past wasn't as fun as his friends convinced him before. In fact, it pretty much stunk. She still seemed pretty stuck on this Angel guy that kept being mentioned. He sighed unhappily and tried the door again to no avail.
Part 5
Around five o'clock, the girls decided to try and get some beauty rest. However, an hour later Buffy was still wide awake.
"Cordelia," she whispered. "Hey! Cordy." She stretched her leg out of bed and nudged the brunette with her toes. "Cor, are you awake?"
"I was until two seconds ago when you kicked me," she said grumpily.
"It was barely a nudge," Buffy protested softly.
"What do you want?" Cordelia asked, propping herself up on her elbows.
"Nothing, I just wanted to know if you were awake."
"Fine, if that's all, I'm going back to sleep," she said knowing perfectly well that that wasn't all. She burrowed herself back into her sleeping bag waiting for the blonde to make the next move.
"How's Angel?" The Slayer finally blurted out.
"He's fine considering."
"Considering what?"
"That he broods over you all the frickin' time." Buffy considered the mix of emotions that this revelation brought out in her. She was happy that he still thought about her, but sad that he still brooded because she wanted to him to be happy. Well not too happy, but not miserable. Cordelia continued. "It's gotten so much worse since Doyle and I got together and since we...oh nevermind."
"Wait, since you what?"
"Nothing." Buffy passed over the comment and asked the question that had been nagging at her.
"He has been seeing anyone, has he?" Cordelia groaned.
"How long is this questioning going to last?"
"I'm sorry Cor. It's just that I miss him so much. I miss everything about him. The way he holds me. The way he kisses me." Buffy sighed. "Just the right amount of pressure, and when he does this thing with his tongue..."
"Hey, hey , hey, this is my boss we're talking about here." Cordelia clamped his hands over her ears.
"I just wanna know how he is."
"Yes, and he wants to know how you are. Everytime I get off the phone with anyone from Sunnydale, he's all over me. How is everyone? And by 'everyone' he means you except he doesn't want to say your name. And everytime I talk to you on the phone, you ask me about my life, and really what you wanna know is Angel's doing. Why don't you two just call each other? Because I feel used."
"It hurts too much, Cordy."
"Well, it wouldn't if you two weren't so damn stubborn and self-sacrificing maybe it wouldn't." She made an noise of exasperation. "Ya know, he made me swear not to tell, but he'll probably just thank me later after you two have lots of wild crazy monkey sex. And maybe it'll put me out of a job but I'm much more suited to international fame than secretarial work anyway. Besides I've had enough of you two."
"Cordelia, what the hell are you talking about?"
"His soul is permanent." Buffy felt her chest tighten and all the air go out of her.
"How? When?"
"Part of his redemption for being all selfless and saving souls and stuff. And two weeks."
"Two weeks?" she said softly. "Why didn't he tell me?"
"He has his reasons. Call him. Work it out. I'm going to go make myself a cup of coffee since there's no way I'm going to get back to sleep now." Cordelia stood up with a flip of her hair and walked out the door, leaving a stunned Buffy in her wake. Anya, Willow, and Tara lay sleeping around her, oblivious to her inner turmoil as she anticipated the phone. It was six o'clock. He was probably just getting ready to go to bed after a long night of fighting demons. She could picture him peeling off his leather jacket, his t-shirt, and pants and crawling under his bed sheets, falling into a deep sleep as the sun came up. She was still picturing Angel when Cordelia came back nursing a steaming cup of coffee.
"Did you call?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"What am I supposed to say?"
"Ugh you two are even more infuriating than I thought. You're coming with me when I go back to L.A. I can't take this anymore."
*****
Buffy had briefly spoken to Willow about what Cordelia told her and the redhead fully support her semi-forced decision to go to L.A. Tara and Anya had left, Buffy and Willow had straightened their room, and now Buffy and Cordelia were walking out of the building. As they walked down the hall, Buffy's super sensitive Slayer hearing picked up a banging noise over the hustle and bustle of the dorm. She stopped suddenly.
"Buffy, what's wrong?" Buffy held her finger up to indicate silence so she could localize the sound. She reached over, pulled the chair away from the basement door, flicked the lock, and pulled the door open to reveal Riley with his hand poised to bang on the door again.
"Riley!"
"Buffy, hi." He stood up, trying to cover his embarrassment.
"What are you doing?"
"Um, I could ask you the same thing."
"Riight," she replied slowly, trying to make sense of his comment and failing. Also realizing that his comment was nonsensical, Riley changed the topic.
"Who's Angel?" Buffy looked taken aback.
"How did you.....Were you SPYING on me?"
"No," he lied badly. Buffy saw Forrest and Graham behind him holding equipment.
"You so were. What the fuck, Riley?"
"I..uh..I." Feeling extremely violated, she lashed out and punched him in the nose.
"Stay away from me, Riley." As they walked away, Cordelia leaned over and whispered.
"You actually went out with him?"
"Shut up."
Part 6
Cordelia pulled up in front of the building and dragged Buffy behind her into the office. As soon as they entered, a dark haired man who Buffy placed as Doyle scooped Cordy up in his arms and gave her a big kiss. She giggled and pushed him away.
"Stop it. We have company." Doyle looked over his girlfriend's shoulder and noticed the blonde Slayer standing behind her.
"Princess, what did you do?" Before Cordelia could answer, Angel came in.
"Did I hear Cor...Buffy."
"Angel." Tears sprung to her eyes quickly and unexpectedly. She blinked them away quickly.
"What are you..."
"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked earnestly.
"Cordelia told you," he said, a statement not a question. He turned to glare at his employee.
"Cordelia's leaving," Doyle announced, tugging his princess towards the door. When the couple had left, Buffy turned back to Angel.
"Why?"
"Because it doesn't change anything."
"What are you talking about? It changes everything."
"No, it doesn't." Angel started to pace. " I still can't give you a normal life. I can't give you children, or sunlight, or picnics. You should have someone that can. Cordelia said you were going on dates, moving on. That's good for you, I didn't want to interrupt."
"Angel, first of all stop pacing, you're making me dizzy," Angel followed her command and turned to face her. "Second, we don't even know if Slayers can have children. And even if I could have kids, I wouldn't want them because by being the Slayer I would put them in danger constantly and I couldn't handle it. Third, sunlight and picnics and all those other things, they don't matter to me without you. In all my nineteen years," she took a few steps forward so that she was directly in front of him, "I've loved exactly one person: you."
"I'm not a person," Angel insisted, but a small twinkle in his eye let Buffy know that her argument had gotten through to him.
"Don't argue semantics, Angel. Just kiss me."
*****
Two days later, Buffy and Angel lay exhausted but
completely sated beneath settling sheets. Looking around her, Buffy saw that the bedroom was in complete disarray. Pillows and feathers were everywhere and an empty bottle of whipped cream lay at the foot of the bed. Through the door she could see the disaster area known as the kitchen and the half empty chocolate syrup and peanut butter containers that lay in the rubble of the broken table. She knew that all the other rooms in the apartment and office had fared no better. Surveying the mess that they had made, Buffy began to giggle.
"What is it, love?" Buffy curled up against her naked cradle-robbing creature-of-the-night boyfriend.
"I was just thinking that now I've got some wild stories for the next slumber party."
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