Title:  Brotherly Love
Author:  Pixie
Disclaimer:  Do I *really* need to do this again?
Ratings:  PG?
Distribution:  You want it?  Go ahead, ask first than I'll let you have it. My site:  :), under remodeling, sweeties!
Author's Note: My therapy as to try and explain Angel's recent strange behaviors and what happened between Buffy and Angel during the interlude that we weren't allow to see.
Author's Note2: Un-beta-ed so all mistakes, completely my fault.
Spoilers:  I think.....Um...most of season 3 of Angel, at least, which eppies I was able to digest. And some of Buffy, season 6.
Feedback:  PLEASE!  PLEASE!  PLEASE! Mailto: pixie232@cs.com
Summary:  My way of explaining Angel's strange behavior.  Of course, nothing ever turns out the way I want them too....

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It wasn't as if he didn't love her. He did, in a brotherly sort of way.  He didn't want to see her get hurt, he wanted to be the one that she came to when she was having problems.  Well, anything except her sex problems.  It pained him to see that someone he loved as much as he did, in a brotherly way, of course, couldn't see the hurt that she caused him.

He should have told her of her feelings, but seeing her so happy with Groo...maybe she did know.  Maybe she spared him from expressing his feelings for her, because she knew that it was difficult for him to say that he loved her.

The only person he could say that he loved with ease was--is--Buffy.  Buffy, his shining light in the darkest of nights.  She was his sunshine, his redemption, his love.  But the last time that he had been able to utter the sweet words out of his mouth had been after he had discovered that she was alive.

He was ecstatic of course, unable to keep his hands to himself, afraid that if he wasn't touching her, making sure she was there and solid, she would disappear and become a figment of his imagination.  Very vivid imagination, he must say.

He had been unable to resist telling her that he loved her, that he would always love her.  Yet, she had looked sad.  Her eyes had lost most of its glimmer that had made her so alive and so bright.

Maybe it was the fact that she'd been dead for nearly 3 months that did it to her, or maybe it was whatever that had happened to her in the Hell dimension that she was in.  Of course, he liked to comfort himself and think that she had been a better place than he had when she had, for the sake of the world, sent  him to the Hell dimension.  But, it also pained him to know that she was here, now, when she could be happy up wherever she was.

She had been happy to see him, she had smiled with tears in her eyes, hugging him as if the world would fade away and he was the only anchor to the world.

They had kissed, they had talked, but she had refused to relate to him the tale of her death.  He didn't pressure her.

She had asked him if he had met someone new, he had, Fred, but she meant nothing more to him than as a friend.  She seemed both relieved and sad.

"Angel," she had whispered, "Are you happy like this?"

"What do you mean?" He had asked, confused.

"I mean...I don't know." She sighed in frustration. "How are things? Between
you and the L.A. gang?" She asked instead.

"Everything's fine, a bit shaky after my act a few months ago, but things are getting better."  He spoke of their new addition to the team, Fred, and how he had found her in a cave in Pilea (sp?), he spoke of Gunn and his complications with his gang of vampire slayers (not real slayers of course, just on the street people who wanted to rid the streets of any demons), he talked about Wesley and how he had gotten some spine in the recent months, and he talked about Cordelia with a brotherly's fondness evident in his voice.

She had smiled, and, by the time the sun had went down, they had talked about virtually everything.  Her about the feeling of being revived again and the sadness in her voice was enough to make him want to cry for her.  Even through her own evident sadness, she had not cried.  Tears had shown in her eyes, but they had not been given the luxury of falling down her creamy cheek and down into oblivion.

They hugged each other, sharing an intimate kiss, and bade each other farewell until fate brought them together again.

He had watched her disappear down the road, then traveled the short distance to the Hyperion Hotel.

Thad had been a month ago, before the birth of his son, Conner, before his confusing feelings for Cordelia.  He watched her with Groo, she looked so happy.  Her smile was almost contagious, she spoke in whispers to Groo.

He did love her, he realized now that he loved her as a sister because he had killed his own.  He had been unable to protect Kathy, but, now, he'd been given a second chance for protecting someone he saw as his own sister.

He wanted her to be happy, he gave her some money for her and Groo to go somewhere and celebrate their happiness together.

He loved her, but no one could ever replace the woman in his heart.

Not Darla, not Cordelia, not any other woman, because there was only room for one woman.  His Buffy.