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TITLE: The Lucky Ones
AUTHOR: Nico
E-MAIL: stoprobbers@hotmail.com
DISCLAIMER: Joss owns the freakshow of a series. I own this happy universe.
TIMELINE: Season 3, post-graduation
SPOILERS: First three seasons, end of Season 3 in particular.
SYNOPSIS: All I have left to live for is you.
DISTRIBUTION: Take take take. Please send me the URL if you take.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: And old fic on my harddrive + a sappy Bif Naked song = SappyAngsty fic. I HIGHLY recommend listening to "Lucky" by Bif Naked while you read. Big with the atmosphere, that song is.
FEEDBACK: I take Feedback out to dinner and put out on the first date.
RATING: PG-13 for some cursing.
"Back here, are we?"
He didn't turn as her voice floated over on the breeze, just remained standing, staring out at the lights and the noise and the smoke that floated over the small town in front of him.
"Well, if you were going to pick a spot, you could be a little less predictable."
"Like where?"
"I dunno. I was thinking out of the city. That's what you said after all."
Her voice was hard, filled with pain. He didn't want to think about that.
"I know."
"Angel..."
"Go away, Buffy."
"I'm alive, Angel," he turned at that, fear gripping his heart irrationally as she confirmed her well-being, "I stopped an ascension and survived. Giles said I'm the first ever to do that. The first ever to survive it."
"I- Good." He tried not to think about her tear stained face, and the scar that was already healed on her neck. Tried not to notice her bruised torso, exposed by a huge rip in her shirt. Tried to ignore her bleeding knuckles.
"I'm alive, Angel," she said, stepping closer to him, "But I'm not alright."
"You're- You're hurt. You need to rest-"
"This?" she made a vague gesture at her wounds, "These will heal. By morning, probably. I'm stronger than ever."
"I- Good."
"Yeah. Fucking wonderful," she snorted and shook her head, walking next to him, peering out on the town, "God, do they even know?"
"Know..?"
"They're so happy, Angel. All of them, they're down at the school, graduating. Celebrating. A battle won, and all that."
"They can't understand-"
"Not that Mayor, high school. We beat it. Even I did."
"You did."
"They're so happy," she turned to him, tears bright in her eyes, "Why can't I be happy?"
"Buffy, don't do this.."
"No! I *am* doing this! It's *MY* turn to do this! My turn to make a goddamn decision around here!"
"Buffy-"
"STOP THAT! Just listen to me for a minute, Angel! Take one goddamn minute and listen. *Please*," she begged, tears dripping down her cheeks, "Please, just a minute."
"I-"
"You can. You always have a choice. Dammit, you always have *THE* choice. I've *never* gotten a choice. Not in whether or not you leave, not in where I go to college, how I spend my life. I don't even get a choice about how long I get to live!"
"You *always*-"
"I don't," she laughed again, a humorless, empty laugh, "God, Angel, I'm like a carton of milk. Use by such-and-such. It's a little label on my soul that no one can see. I'm going to die."
"Don't say that-"
"WHY NOT?? Why the fuck not? I'M GOING TO DIE, ANGEL! And sooner, probably, rather than later! ACCEPT IT!"
"I can't- "
"Well you *have* to."
"I don't want to."
"Join the club."
"Buffy, this is pointless-"
"It's NOT pointless! Angel, I need you. I need you to *stay*. I need you here, helping me, keeping me alive!"
"I can't.. Buffy, I can't stay.."
"THEN WHAT DO I HAVE TO LIVE FOR? Tell me, Angel, enlighten me! My mom? My mom who thinks it's a job, who wants me to give it up and go to college? Who bothers me day and night about moving on, finding a normal life? Who tried to burn me at the stake?! My friends? My friends who are always telling me what I do right and wrong? Who remind me every second of every day of all the horrible things I let happen? Who blame me for you, for Faith, for Jenny? For the people of Sunnydale who don't even know I exist? For the demons? For th sake of the goddamn world? FUCK THE WORLD. I don't care anymore! I have nothing here, Angel, nothing except for you. Nothing holding me here. I could go, find my way to some country, get killed by a lucky vamp. Hell, maybe Spike'll find me and do me in. Poetic justice right? I have NOTHING in my life. Nothing but demons and death."
"You have so much more," his voice cracked as he reached out to brush away the tears that were falling harder, but unnoticed, down her face, "You have friends and family who love you. You have sunshine and shopping malls and everything I can't give you."
"Like what? Like picnics? Like babies? Like things I don't have time or a chance to enjoy? What are you leaving me for? What are you *really* leaving me for?"
"I- You need-"
"A life without fear?"
"What?"
"Fear," she looked up at him, eyes dead and alive and happy and sad all at once, "Your soul. You're afraid."
"I- What are you-"
"You're afraid to lost it. Afraid I'll make you too happy. I love you."
"What?"
"I love you. God, I love you so much. I love you until I can't breathe, and you love me the same, and you're terrified."
"I..."
"I know it's true. But don't you see it doesn't matter? Don't you have control? I know I do. I can't do this, Angel," She broke from his light grasp and turned back to the town, "Without you.. I have no sun. Please. I need you."
"I can't stay. I- I need to be strong. Let me be strong."
"Strong is fighting," she turned back to him, her voice soft and calm and echoing of past desperation and fear, "It's hard and it's everyday."
"I.." He was drowning in her eyes, fighting against a current, feeling his heart tug and pull and rip at the seams. Surely this was too much to ask of a man.
"I love you. Please. Please, don't go. Don't leave me."
They were whispers, empty and desperate and quiet and everything that he knew she was never before and about to be. And before either of them could blink, he had pulled her into his arms and crushed his lips to hers.
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What could I say to you except I love you
And I'd give my life for yours
I know we are, we are the lucky ones
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