Part 6

Angel stood outside the door to the kitchen he'd seen Buffy slip in there and right now Willow was looking for her. Angel stopped short when he heard a couple arguing inside. He heard Buffy ask what Riley had come for and mock him about his latest girlfriend. `That guy is a real piece of shit. He leaves her but still forces himself into her life. Fucking Bastard' He listened as Riley ranted about not missing his child's life, but stopped short when he heard Buffy return that it wasn't Riley's child. `Seven months was while we were in England, she wasn't with anyone but me.' The thought sank into Angel's brain. `That's my son. She's pregnant with my son.' He was still mulling that over when he saw Riley's hand raise. `Hell is going to pay if he lays that hand on her.' Angel opened the door, "I wouldn't do that if I were you" he stated in a deadly calm. Riley's hand dropped, "who the hell are you?" Buffy looked between the two males in front of her. `Ex number one, meet ex number two, sort of.' "That's not your concern at the moment. However, if I were you I'd get my sorry ass out of here before I throw you out" Angel answered with a smirk. Riley glared, he tossed the gift heavily on the counter and passed through the open patio door, slamming it behind him. "Thanks" Buffy whispered and then went back to making herself a drink. "We need to talk" Angel announced. "You heard part of that didn't you" she sighed, resting her palms against the counter in front of her. "I did" he answered. She turned to face him, "I don't want anything from you, don't worry. You are free to go and never look back if you want. This is my problem not yours" Buffy assured him. He looked shell shocked. "How can you say that? I'm about to have a son in two months and you said I can just walk away. I'm not going to just walk away from this Buffy. This is my responsibility too and I'm not going to leave it all on you" he threw back. During his speech, he'd moved closer to her and was now standing right in front of her. "Why not? My own father did it" Buffy replied bitterly. "Well, I would have been better off if my father had left us alone but he didn't and I don't want our own paternal problems reflected on our son" he ranted. `I just said our son.'`He just said our son.' Silence hung over them as they looked each other in the eye. "Can we figure this all out later, I'm kind of tired and I already have a party in my backyard" Buffy reminded him. Angel nodded slowly. "Do you want a chair or something?" he asked. "A chair would be great" she replied with a smile. Angel smiled in return and grabbed one of the kitchen chairs to take outside as Willow and Oz opened gifts. He helped her sit and then knelt beside her, "do you need anything else?" he asked. She shook her head but grinned. Together they watched as he party wrapped up and guests began to leave. It's been a long time since either of them had felt that at peace.

      "So I'll see you tomorrow, for brunch?" Willow asked before she and Oz left. Buffy grinned, "yes, Will, we always have brunch, and what else am I going to do?" Willow looked over her friends shoulder pointedly. Angel was throwing some plates in the dishwasher. "He's just a friend and colleague. We met in Europe" Buffy told her. Willow smirked, "just a friend?" Buffy laughed, "I'll see you tomorrow Wills." She ushered her best friend to the door and watched them leave before closing it. "I think that's everything" Angel told her from the kitchen doorway. Buffy smiled, "you didn't have to stay and help, but I appreciate it." Angel shrugged and grabbed his coat that was hanging on the end of the banister. "So where are you staying?" she asked casually.  Angel pulled his coat on, "Right now I'm at the Beverly Hilton but I'm still looking for my own place." "You could stay here" she blurted, "for a while." Angel looked at her oddly. Despite her own confusion at the comment she tried to keep her face straight, "This a four bedroom home for one person right now. And besides that, there's a whole other apartment downstairs that we never touch" she justified.  Angel still looked at her strangely, "come on, the Hilton has got to be costing you a fortune right now. With me I only want you to pitch in for groceries and utilities" she persuaded. Angel finally smiled, "that would be great of you, until I get my own place." Buffy smiled happily in return. "I get kind of lonely in a big house all by myself" she remarked. Angel laughed, " I can imagine." There was a brief pause where they just enjoyed the comfort of being close to one another again, but soon the silence felt suffocating and Buffy had to break it. "So, whenever you want to move in, just let me know." "I don't have much with me at the moment, so I could get my stuff over here tomorrow and then send for some or all of my stuff later" Angel replied quickly. "Uh hunh, so, you want to see the apartment?" she offered. Angel nodded and they headed toward a door at the back of the front hallway. She carefully opened the door and flipped on some lights. She slowly lead them down the stairs and stopped at the bottom for Angel to see. The walls were dark burgundy, with dark hardwood floors. The apartment was fully furnished in dark leathers and sumptuous velvets. It was fully furnished and contained it's own bath, kitchen and bedroom. There were sliding glass doors out to the patio where the last rays of the sun sank beneath the LA horizon. "This is fantastic" Angel remarked while looking around the rooms. "It was meant to be Riley's hideaway for when he wanted to pretend he was still a bachelor. Apparently, he took that too far" Buffy commented with a shrug of her shoulders. Angel looked back at her, "are you sure about this?" he asked. "Yeah, why not. I mean no one uses it" she returned. She lead them back upstairs and then pulled a key ring from her purse. She pulled one key off and handed it to him, "here, welcome to chez Buffy" she teased. Angel accepted the key, and got a pleasurable thrill as the brush of her hands caused a spark to dance on his skin. "I'll see you tomorrow then" Buffy said while yawning. Angel looked down on her, "go to bed, I'll lock the door on my way out." She nodded. On instinct he pressed a quick kiss to her cheek and then turned her towards the stairs. After she turned down the hallway Angel slipped out of the house and locked the door. `LA is getting better and better.'

      It was late in the day before Buffy woke. She rolled over, with some effort, and saw that it was nearing ten o'clock and she was having brunch with Willow in an hour. "Shit" she cursed and struggled out of bed. She quickly grabbed her outfit from her hated supplies of maternity garb and dashed into the bathroom for a quick shower. She was done in a record time of forty five minutes, though her hair wasn't done and her make up looked barely there, because it was. She looked herself over in the hall mirror and was pleasantly surprised with her decent appearance. She grabbed a sweater out of the closet and opened the door to come face to face with Angel. "Hey" he greeted with a wry grin. "Hi" Buffy returned as she held the door open for him. Angel walked past her with a box of things. "Sorry to do this but I have to go, I'm already running late" Buffy told him. Angel smiled to her, "go, I'll be fine getting my stuff together. I'll even make us lunch" he offered. "Oh, don't bother I'm out to brunch with Willow, but help yourself to anything in the fridge" she replied playing with her keys. There was a long pause, "so I'm going" she finally announced and headed for the door. "Have fun" Angel called after her but the door was already shut tight. He observed the quiet house for a moment. "Has she got the air conditioning on?" he asked himself as he picked up the box to take to his apartment.

      "Buffy!" Willow called as she spotted her best friend weaving through the crowd, which was easier said than done in her condition. The blonde finally made it to the table where her friend sat. "Sorry about the lateness Will, but my new roomie showed up as I left and I had already over slept" Buffy apologized. Willow looked at her oddly, "New roomie?"  Buffy smiled and blushed slightly, "I invited Angel to stay with me until he got a place of his own."  Willow still looked confused, but then her eyes sparkled with recognition, "hot Angel from England and now at your firm, Angel?" she asked happily. "How many Angel's do you know?" Buffy asked in reply. Willow laughed softly, "touche." The girls ordered and waited for their food to come.  "So I saw Angel yesterday. He's pretty kissable" Willow suggested. "It's not like that, Will," Buffy answered, "friends only." Willow smiled knowingly. "C'mon Will I'm the size of the Goodyear blimp right now. I'm not exactly his type" Buffy reminded her. The red head sighed, "but if you were both up to it?" she asked with a falsely innocent mein. Buffy laughed, "don't go there Willow. Don't even go there. You know the answer" Her friend laughed out loud. Buffy had to join her and they both were still giggling when their brunch arrived. "I'll miss this" Willow said as they ate. "Miss what?" "I'll miss this just us time" Willow replied. "I know, but I think you can leave Oz for a couple of hours a week, and since Angel found out it's his baby, I can guilt trip him for free babysitting" Buffy teased.  Willow frowned, "I'm serious." "So am I," her friend returned, "We'll make time for each other Will. We're best friends, we stick together." Willow grinned, "You're right. You'll be my maid of honour and I'll be your son's godmother and we'll pull together."  Buffy nodded in assurance, "I promise" she remarked. They ate quietly Willow shooting glances as Buffy piled away her large meal. "So, you said Angel knows about the baby?" Willow prodded. "Yeah" Buffy sighed, clearing her throat loudly. "How'd that go?" Willow asked. The blonde shrugged, "better than could be expected, I guess, but we'll see, I sort of babbled myself into living with him." Willow nodded with a slight grimace. "Yeah, but you know him, how bad could it be?" Willow offered. A petrified look came over Buffy's face and her eyes welled with tears, "Oh God, what have I done?" Willow watched as her friend's head dropped against her arm resting on the table. The red head stood and moved to comfort her friend, "what is it? What's going to be so bad?" Buffy sniffled and looked at her friend. `I hate these fucking mood swings.' "He's a player, Will. He's going to have a new girl every night and I'll have to watch them all come and go, while I'm fat and ugly. I know I fucked his relationship with Isabel. What if he hates me for that? And now he's hanging out with Faith all the time, and you know I hate that skanky bitch. I don't want to know that she's getting to fuck him senseless in my basement. Why can't I fall for a sweet guy like Oz, and just be happy, like you are?" Buffy rambled then broke down into sobs once again in her friends arms. Willow whispered soothing nonsense into Buffy's ear gently trying to calm her friend by rubbing her back. "Maybe he'll surprise you" Willow suggested. All that earned her was a half hearted snort from the emotionally imbalanced blonde.

Part 7

Angel was relaxing in one of the leather chairs in the basement when
he heard the front door open and someone enter. He stood and tried to
look less eager as he hurried to the door. He found a disturbed
looking Buffy. Her eyes were red and puffy from tears she obviously
shed recently. Still, Angel had never seen a more beautiful sight
than her, and pregnant with his son. "What wrong?" he asked in a
whisper. Before he could move to reach her, she took off for the
stairs and he stood shocked until he heard the door slam on the floor
above. `I hate those fucking mood swings.'

      It was two hours before Angel heard any movement in the
house. He was reading from one his own books in her living room when
she came down the stairs. She ignored him and headed directly for the
kitchen. Undaunted, Angel followed her, unsure why she hated him so
much. `I know I screwed the `us' thing up but I thought we were
better than this.' "I'm sorry if I did anything" he stated as she
rummaged through the fridge. "Let's ignore Buffy's outburst, okay?"
she returned cooly. Angel nodded though her back was turned to
him. `Again with the mood swings. This is going to be hell.' "What do
you want for lunch?" she asked. "Uh, didn't you just..." Angel caught
his tongue before he set off another outburst, "a sandwich is fine."
Buffy smirked to herself. It gave her a perverse satisfaction to know
that Angel was walking on eggshells around her. "Is ham and cheese
fine?" she asked as she made two sandwiches. Angel was still confused
at her rapidly changing moods, "yeah, great." "One ham and cheese
sandwich a la Buffy, coming up" she replied. Angel sank into one of
the chairs at the kitchen table. "I hope you know, this about all I
can make, so we will have a very limited diet unless you can cook"
she teased. Angel laughed, "We can work together." Buffy grinned as
she turned around to present him with a sandwich. "It's a deal" she
returned before taking a large bite from her sandwich.

      "Yeah, I hate Paul. He bitched me out on my first day for
putting the wrong paper in the photocopier" Buffy recalled. She was
sprawled along the couch, while Angel lounged in a chair across from
her. They laughed as they shared stories from the office. After lunch
they had returned to the family room to watch a classic film on
television, but found talking more interesting instead. "I hardly
know the guy but I've heard he's a prick" Angel commented. "He is,"
Buffy assured him, "he is such a tight wad." They broke into another
round of laughter. Buffy quickly broke off as she felt a sharp jab in
her stomach. "Ooh" she complained as she rubbed her stomach trying to
soothe her wide awake and restless son. "What is it?" Angel asked,
playing the role of the over protective father. "He just kicked me"
Buffy told Angel who was kneeling at her side. Angel's gaze travelled
to her stomach. "Can-can I?" he asked, nervously raising his hand to
feel his son kick. `My son kicked.'  Buffy nodded and guided his hand
to the bottom of her stomach where she'd felt him kick last. They
didn't have to wait long before he kicked his mother again. A grin
spread over Angel's face. He stared intently at his love's stomach as
his hand gently rubbing along her distended abdomen. "Wow" he
whispered. Buffy smiled at him, "that was my first reaction too."
Angel's gaze went back to her eyes then to her stomach and then back
again. "This is so perfect" Angel whispered, "you're so perfect."
Angel leaned in and kissed her. She kissed him back gently. The kiss
was soft, a promise and a thank you for all the joy that was to come,
or so he hoped. Instead, pain and guilt sank into her eyes and she
struggled to get off the couch and away from him. "I can't. I'm
sorry" she whispered and fled from the room. Going upstairs once
again. `Every time. Are you ever going to get this right?'

      Buffy sat in her room staring at the cream coloured
walls. `What is so wrong with me? What is so wrong with him? Why
can't we work this out?' Buffy was trying to hold in her emotion as
they coursed through her. `I hate these fucking mood swings.' She was
curled on her bed, and crying into her soft pink bedding. `He's here
without Isabel, so they probably didn't last. I never thought they
would. So she's out of the picture. I could be with him now. Why the
hell not? Cause I'm probably the fucking reason his relationship with
Isabel is over. I screwed his whole life and now he's got a child to
boot. Not that I begged him to help me, but he's living with me, he's
gonna feel obligated.' Buffy's forehead creased, "Oh God, now I'm
mental rambling..." she moaned. She heard the shower turn on in the
basement. `Oh God, he's naked...so very, very naked, and all alone.
Okay, so maybe the last part should be in the good column assuming he
could be with Faith.' Buffy groaned once more, and rolled to face the
other wall. `I so don't need this right now.'

      Angel dried off after a long cold shower. `I never had a
fetish for pregnant women before.' He grabbed some sweat pants but
bypassed the shirt. He quietly walked upstairs to the main level
hoping that Buffy had come down from her room, but there was no such
luck. Angel stealthily climbed the stairs to the second floor. He saw
the three other bedroom doors open so assumed hers had to be the one
at the end of the hallway. `The only one with the door shut to keep
me out.' Angel tried the handle and found it unlocked. He opened the
door slightly. He hated feeling like he was disrupting her privacy
but he wanted to make sure she was okay. She was sprawled across the
bed. Her blonde hair, though darker than it had been last he saw her,
was fanned around her head like a golden halo. `Priceless. A true
beauty.' He entered the room carefully, desperately tying not to
disturb her. "I'm sorry" he whispered, pushing a blond strand off her
forehead. He looked down at the predominant bulge of her
stomach. "I'm sorry little guy. I really messed things up with your
mommy. The worst part is I don't know how to make it better" he
whispered to his son. Only silence answered him, as always. Angel
sighed softly. He pressed a light kiss to his love's stomach and then
one to her cheek. "Sleep well" he whispered as he exited, pulling the
door shut behind him.

Part 8

"I swear Faith, you can do better than this, how on earth did
you loose the Franklin account?" Giles reprimanded the young brunette
in his office. `The filthy old pig wanted me for eye candy `til I
slept with his son?' Giles stared at her, expecting an answer, one
she was sure he didn't want to hear. So instead she shrugged
innocently. Giles sighed. "When I hired you, you were a great asset
to this company. However, you were unruly and I took a chance on you.
I haven't seen anything that warrants me to keep you around lately"
Giles told her. Faith gritted her teeth. `I forgot I'm not Miss `I
can do no wrong' Summers.' "Well, at least I didn't get knocked up on
a fucking business trip" Faith muttered. "You're dismissed Faith"
Giles told her. Faith stood and left the office quickly. Faith walked
by Buffy's office in a riotous huff but stopped when she saw Angel
helping her into her chair and fawning over her like a puppy. `Met
her in England, hunh? You two seem awfully close. I'll have to fix
that.'

      "I'm fine, I just didn't get much sleep last night" Buffy
told him as he helped her into her chair. Angel instantly felt guilty
again, all due to his stupid idea that he had any right to kiss her,
at all. He backed off, but watched her carefully. "I'll be fine. Go.
If I need anything Mary is right outside" Buffy reminded him. Angel
nodded, "Alright, but I can get you anything you need just let me
know." Buffy smile and laughed at his attention. He'd been following
her around all morning. `He probably thought he did something wrong
last night.' Buffy stopped arranging her files to think about the
kiss last night. `Oh there was nothing wrong with that kiss. God, why
can't life be simple for Buffy, just once' she groaned and flopped
back into her chair. She hit the intercom to her secretary's
desk. "Hey, Mary, could you get me some chocolate and peanut butter?"
Buffy asked. "Yeah, it's in the staff lounge, just hold on a minute"
came the reply. Buffy pouted and went back to her semi brooding. `I
hate this.' "You know what, buddy? Mommy made a big mess with your
Daddy. And the kicker is, I don't know how to fix it?" she told her
unborn son. 


      Angel entered his office to find Faith had made herself very
comfortable there. She was seated in his black leather chair and her
stiletto encased feet ere propped on his black enamel desk. "Faith"
he greeted dropping his bag on the desk in front of her feet. "Hello
Angel" she returned with a cold smirk on her face. Angel looked down
at her. She was incredibly attractive in her tight black leather
pants and a maroon halter but her smirk told him she wasn't here to
try to seduce him again, or at least not in the strictest
sense. "What can I help you with Faith?" he asked just as cooly. "I
just thought, being the good person that I am, that you should know
Giles is like a father to Buffy." Faith continued as she stood and
stalked around the desk to face him. "I doubt he would appreciate one
of his own employees being the low life bastard who left his perfect
little angel high, dry, and with child." Angel looked the
manipulative brunette over. `I knew it's be only so long until
someone figured it out. I just hoped it wasn't her.' He knew her
type. They had a motive. They always did. "And you tell him this,
unless I do what for you?" he asked her. "I don't want anything that
you don't want too" she whispered in his ear as she fondled his
crotch. Angel looked down at her, he hissed, "you're a bitch, you
know that?" "Wouldn't be the first time it's been said" she replied
evenly then abruptly breezed from the office. "I'll see you after
work, lover" she called over her shoulder as she left.

      "It seems Angel is becoming rather friendly with our resident
whore" Mary commented as she handed over the chocolate and peanut
butter her boss had requested. "Excuse me?" Buffy asked raising
shocked eyes to her secretary. "Faith was being rather friendly with
our newest, single, incredibly handsome, coworker" Mary
repeated. "Yeah...but that doesn't mean it's mutual" Buffy
replied. `Oh God nightmares for a lifetime.' "According to what Faith
replied as she was leaving, they're meeting after work" Mary returned
helping herself to a sliver of chocolate. "O-oh" Buffy replied, her
voice hitching. "Oh God!" Mary exclaimed trying to sooth her friend
who was rapidly falling apart. Buffy sobbed and sniffled against her
secretary's shoulder. "He was Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome from England
wasn't he?" Mary inquired gently. Buffy nodded sadly. "I'm so sorry,
Buffy. I shouldn't have told you. I'm sorry..." Mary soothed. "I
would have figured it out soon enough. He's living with me right now"
Buffy told her. Mary hugged her friend again.

Part 9

Buffy crawled into bed as soon as she got home from work.
She'd avoid his offer for lunch, saying she had to finish some files
to get sent off before she went on maternity leave. She didn't
mention that was still five weeks away and those files contained a
whole lot of Kleenex and chocolate. She watched as Faith had strutted
out of the office dragging Angel with her. She did notice he looked
less pleased to be with her, but she ignored it. `Probably the last
shred of hope I have that I'll ever get to be with him again.' As
soon as they'd left she'd had Mary drive her home. She'd broke into
tears once she left the office but said she didn't need Mary to stay
with her for a while. All she wanted to do was sleep until she woke
up and this was a horrible nightmare. She slept until late in the
evening when she heard Angel's car pull up to the house. She heard
him enter and he called out in the darkened house for her. She didn't
answer. There was nothing to say. `Why was I so fucking stupid? I
knew this was coming.' She heard Angel mounting the stairs and
heading toward her room. She wondered how he knew her bedroom, she'd
never shown him this floor but she let it go. `He probably explored
while you were out on Sunday.' She heard his call her on the other
side of the door, "Buffy? You in there?" She sniffed back her
tears. "Yeah. What is it?" she asked. "You want some dinner?" he
asked her through the door. `Why? Did work up an appetite?' She
sneered at him through the door. "I already ate" she bit back. "Okay,
then I'll make myself some dinner than head downstairs" he
announced. "Okay" was her short reply. Angel frowned on the other
side of the door. He didn't remember what he done wrong today. Then
it hit him. `She knows.'

      Angel had watched as the sun sank and now he watched as it
rose. She had a great view of the sunrise from these windows. He'd
spent the night thinking of how she'd found out. He knew Faith hadn't
been shooting her mouth too much. However, he knew she would
tomorrow, or today as the sun had now risen. Angel stood and
stretched painfully after a long might in the chair. He'd stayed up
hoping she'd come out of her room to eat. He knew she hadn't eaten
because in the two days he'd lived with her he'd yet to see her do
the dishes. She didn't come out of her room. Angel showered and
dressed in an hour then headed upstairs to hopefully draw her out
with tempting food. It had worked when his sister was pregnant and
depressed, but still he heard nothing from upstairs. Angel walked
upstairs hoping she might have left the bedroom door unlocked but no
such luck. He knocked softly and still no answer. "Buffy" he called.
He finally got an angry reply, "What?!" "I made breakfast" he
offered. "Feed it to your whore" came her reply. Angel looked at the
door trying to calm his nerves. "You haven't eaten since breakfast
yesterday, you have to eat something" he reasoned, somewhat
calmly. "I'm not coming out while your still in my fucking house" she
yelled through the door. "Well then you can rot in your bedroom
because I'm not leaving until you eat something" he returned.

      A stalemate of two hours and a phone call from Giles finally
got her to open the door. "Fine, I'll eat something" she whispered
hostilely at him. Angel nodded, but was trying to avoid her eyes that
were flashing green fire at him. She followed him downstairs where
the muffins had been left to cool on the kitchen table. She grabbed a
muffin and turned around to go back upstairs. "Leave" she hissed s
she left the room. "Oh No" Angel chided and cut her off before the
stairs. "I don't care if I have to chain you to the fucking table,
but you can't barricade yourself in your bedroom" he told her. She
glared at him. A shiver ran through his spine. Right after their bad
beginning on the plane ride, he thought he'd seen her angry, but this
was far worse. Her eyes shot daggers at him, and the cold tone of her
voice was haunting. "Please, do it for our son" he begged, hoping it
would work. Her glare lessened slightly and she veered toward the
sitting room. "I'm doing this for my son" she told him as she left.

part 10

Two more weeks of chilling silence filled their home. He
didn't know what he could do. She wouldn't let him make it up to her.
Everything he tried to do was a battle. He would have left a week ago
if he hadn't had to be there to make sure she ate and got to doctors
appointments. She would ignore him at the office, not that he could
blame her since Faith had made herself his newest appendage.  She'd
get rides home with her secretary or Giles, and she'd hide somewhere
in the house when he got home. Tonight, was such a night, or so he
assumed. Angel came into the darkened house around six. No lights
glowed in any of the front windows, but that wasn't unusual she
tended to hide in the back rooms of the house. "Buffy," he called,
knowing that if he got a reply it would be bitter and spiteful.
Nothing answered his call. Angel threw his things down in one of the
chairs in the living room then passed through the dining room and
kitchen. No lights glowed in the back of the house either. He headed
upstairs to check her bedroom. Still no lights shone. Angel peeked
into some of the other rooms. Two guestrooms and the beginnings of a
nursery showed no signs of Buffy. He was becoming frantic. `Where the
hell is she? She's almost eight months pregnant, where would she go?'
Angel paced through the house. He grabbed the cordless phone off the
side table in the living room and dialled her cell phone. It wasn't
on. `Who else would know where she was?' Angel walked to her office
and scrambled through her desk. Her address book lay at the bottom of
a desk drawer. He flipped through it looking for Willow's phone
number. Finally finding it he dialled it in and waited for anyone to
pick it up. A groggy guy picked up the phone. `Must be Oz.' "I'm
looking for Willow" Angel told him not bothering with any
pleasantries. "She's not home. Can I take a message?" Oz asked
checking the caller ID. Angel paused for a moment. "Would you know if
Buffy was with her?" he asked. It was Oz's turn to think, "I think
so, yeah, they were out on some impromptu girls night out." Angel
nodded angrily. `She doesn't bother to tell me.' "Okay, thanks, Oz"
Angel said and hung up the phone. Angel walked back out to the living
room to wait for her. He was gritting his teeth and in his anger
threw the phone against the wall. "God Damnit" he hissed. Angel sank
into one of her overstuffed arm chairs to wait.

      Rage is not something that fades easily. It clung like a
heavy cloak all around him. It compelled him to pace continuously. He
was furious. `She decides to go have fun and leaves me to worry
myself about our son. Why is she being such a careless bitch? Is she
trying to kill my son?!' Angel noticed a mahogany armoire with glass
panels in the office. The light from the front rooms made the amber
liquid in the crystal decanter shimmer invitingly. That was liquid
heaven. He'd stopped drinking after coming to LA, for the most part.
All the hassles he had to deal with, left little time for a night at
the bar, but tonight he was certain he'd get completely shit faced.
Angel walked into the room and wrenched the cabinet door open. He'd
known she drank, but the assortment here was far better than the
average occasional drinker. `Must have been Riley's.' That little
assumption didn't help lessen his anger in the slightest. "Fucking
Bitch" he hissed as he pulled the stopper roughly from the delicate
bottle and began to drink the brandy.

      At nine thirty he heard her enter the house. By now he was
too drunk to even lift himself off the area rug in front of her desk.
He'd finished off the brandy in half an hour and now he was drinking
some quality whiskey he'd found at the back of the cabinet. He rolled
over to see her shadow moving across the living room walls. She
walked toward the office where he waited. "I see you had fun this
evening as well," she remarked looking down upon him in
disgust. "Where the hell did you go?" he rasped at her, struggling to
get to his feet, but failing. She ignored him and turned to head to
the stairs.  "Listen to me, bitch!" he yelled after her, throwing the
empty vodka bottle at the wall beside her head. Slowly her head
turned to look at him over her shoulder, "Listen to you? You're not
worth my time" she spat. "Look at you....you're the two bit whore who
couldn't hold onto her boyfriend, when the whole fucking you were the
one trying to use him" he jeered.  Her soft chuckle resounded through
the quiet space. "I got what I wanted, didn't I? I just used you to
get it" she reminded him. There was no smart reply he could make to
that. She was right, she'd got she wanted in the end, and he'd been
the idiot who fell for her during her game. "You're such a fucking
bitch" he returned finally. She didn't reply except for the quiet
closing of her door at the top of the stairs. 

Part 11

Another week was spent in silent animosity. Only his time it
was mutual. She resented his supposed relationship with Faith, while
he hated loving her, when it was all part of her game. They'd both
avoid each other at all costs. Neither came home for dinner anymore.
Angel would go out for dinner with Faith, and then a quick fuck.
Buffy would either put in some overtime at work or go out with Willow
and Mary. It was Friday, and for once both parties actually came home
relatively early. Buffy walked in the door at eight o'clock, only to
find Angel sprawled out in the living room watching a basketball
game. "Have a good day at work?" he called to her. She spun back to
face him. "I did, thank you for asking" she mocked. Angel stood
gracefully from the chair and walked to her. She held her ground and
stared at him evenly. "I don't even know why I'm still here. I could
be gone. Back in New York, and I could leave you to do whatever the
hell you want, but for some fucking unexplained reason, I don't" he
remarked pointedly. She gave a small smile, "well it's nice to know
you still care" she teased. She spun on her heel and moved to the
stairs again. However he caught her by the elbow and spun her back
around. "Why are you doing this to me? Why are you so pissed about my
relationship with Faith? I'm sorry, but we're not involved. You made
that quite clear when you ran out in London. I'm sorry I'm not going
to fawn after you for the rest of my fucking life because you like
the attention" he yelled. "Yeah, well, no one asked you to. I don't
need or want you here. I told you to live your life and enjoy it. I
told you I'd deal with this myself. I don't want you here" she
returned just as hatefully. "My life is a total mess, because of you,
whether you meant to fuck it up or not. I have a son on the way and
right now I can't stand to look at his mother, everyone of my friends
are back in New York and Faith is blackmailing me" he screamed. The
fight left her rapidly, "Faith is blackmailing you?" she asked. He
looked into her eyes. The hard ice she held for almost a month was
finally starting to melt. "Yes, she won't tell Giles I'm the jack ass
who ruined your life if I keep her happy" Angel explained. She looked
at him strangely, "I never told Giles that this was anyone's fault
but my own" she whispered. Angel was still shaking slightly from the
adrenaline surging through his system, but knew she was
serious. "Well, Faith is willing and able to tell him it's my fault
if I don't keep her bargain" he replied. "Screw her," Buffy
exclaimed, "I'll explain everything to Giles and you can leave her
the hell alone." "That's not the biggest problem here Buffy" he
whispered. "Then, what is? I'll fix it for you" she told him. Angel
stared down at her. Her green eyes held all the sweet emotions and
tenderness he was so used to. She was everything he always wanted and
she stood before him, offering to make all his problems go
away. `It's not true. She can't fix everything.' "It's not that I
can't stand to look at you because I hate you Buffy. It's because I
can't let you mess with my mind all the time" he confided. "I'll
stop" she murmured, some tears collecting in her eyes. "I love you
Buffy and you obviously don't feel the same..." he answered
regretfully. The guilt kept piling as he watched large tears roll
over her cheeks. "I do feel the same...I do, I don't want to feel
this way but I do. I'm sorry. I've gone through hell without, you and
I don't want to do it again. Please don't make me do it again" she
sobbed. Her fingers clutched desperately at his shirt, bunching the
fabric in her palms. "Buffy, I need time to sort this through" he
told her. She looked at him with puffy red eyes, as he grabbed his
coat out of the closet. He gave her one last look before turning for
the door. "Angel" she cried. He turned back to face her. "Will you be
back?" Buffy asked. The terrified, lost look in her eyes made him
nod. She smiled slightly though large tears still hung on her cheeks.

      Angel got home after midnight. She was asleep in her room,
so, he left her be. No need to tell her he had yet to figure anything
out. He looked at the clock and calculated the time change. It would
really piss Cordy off but he needed to talk to Doyle. Angel grabbed
the phone and dialled his best friends apartment. It rung four times
before Doyle picked up. He wasn't really awake yet but he'd
answered. "Doyle, this is royally fucked" Angel remarked. "Angel,
man? It's like three in the morning, couldn't this wait `til a more
Godly hour?" his Irish friend replied. "No, Doyle. She loves me" he
told him. There was a long pause and Angel thought Doyle had fallen
asleep again. "...and the problem is. Isn't that what you wanted?"
Doyle returned. Angel sighed. "Doyle, she loves me but she shies away
every time I make a move on her. I don't know what's wrong or why
she's acting like this. I mean we didn't meet under the best
conditions and our reunion wasn't that much better, but I don't get
it" he rambled. Now Doyle sighed, then yawned. "Angel, man, you got
to talk to your Buffy about this. I can't tell ya anything." "I'm
sorry for waking you Doyle" Angel whispered to his friend. "Remember,
Princess'll kill ya if you don't phone as soon as your boy's here"
Doyle teased. Angel grinned at the thought of his son. "You'll be the
first people I phone...or one of them anyway" Angel answered. Doyle
chuckled and said his farewell before hanging up. Angel turned off
the phone but stared down at the handset for a long moment. `Hey,
Buffy? Why is it that you say you love be seem to be repulsed by me
at the same time?' Angel continued to think of ways to ask the
questions that plagued his mind as he trudged off to bed.

Part 12

Saturday was a waste. The skies were dark and thick, heavy
grey clouds hung overhead promising a spring shower. Neither had
gotten up until late in the day as was their custom on the weekends,
but with all the stress they'd been going through, any extra sleep
was a God send. Angel had been the first to wake, he'd made lunch for
them, and was waiting in the kitchen when she arrived half an hour
later. She'd eaten her own lunch while he read the paper. The only
sound was the scrap of a utensil on a plate, or the rustling of
turning papers, and the constant hum ofthe refrigerator. "I guess we
have to do that talking thing now, hunh?" Buffy commented dryly.
Angel nodded. Again silence filled the room, neither knew what to
say. "I'm sorry," both blurted out at once. Each gave the other a
confused glance. "For what?" Buffy asked finally. Angel leaned
back, "for everything. Mostly, for having loved you from the moment I
first laid eyes on you, on the plane, and I never said anything. For
being a jerk in England, while you were only trying to get you job
done. For, getting you pregnant, and not being there for you. For
Faith, for Isabel, for Riley. Anything bad that has ever happened to
you. I'm sorry" he answered. Buffy's eyes had clouded with tears, as
he said his reply, "you are so incredibly sweet" she whispered to
him. Angel picked up her hand and kissed her knuckles softly. "What
are you sorry for?" he asked. She smiled slightly, "I'm sorry that I
was such a bitch after the plane incident. I'm sorry that I threw
myself at you in that hotel room after Riley left me. I'm sorry that
you had to deal with mood swingy me in England and I never even told
you I was pregnant. I'm sorry I didn't let you be there for me. But,
most of all, I'm so sorry that I messed up your entire relationship
with Isabel for one stupid night with me" she returned. Angel smiled
softly, "Isabel and I were and are nothing. We both knew there was
never any potential relationship. It was just away to pass the time."
Buffy shrugged, "I'm still sorry" she whispered. Angel
grinned, "don't be sorry." Buffy smiled in return, "okay, then forget
I mentioned the Isabel one" she kidded. Angel chuckled slightly, but
his smile soon disappeared. `It still doesn't explain why she's
avoiding any attention from me right now.' "Buffy..." Angel
started. "What?" she asked with a soft, warm smile. "I have to
know....what I did wrong" he whispered. She gave another confused
look, "when did you do something wrong?"  Angel leaned forward to be
closer to her. `I could just look into her eyes, and be happy, for
the rest of my life.' "Every time we make a move to kiss, you bolt.
Then of course, there was the way you ran out of the hotel room, like
a bat out of hell." he reminded her. She shook her head
slightly, "you never did anything wrong, Angel. I just thought that
you'd hate me when you remembered I'd screwed up your entire life,
and I couldn't deal with that. Plus, on top of that, I'm not feeling
really desirable at the moment" she responded. Angel stood from his
chair and walked to stand in front of her. Still holding her hand he
helped her from her seat. "I think you are incredibly desirable" he
whispered into her ear. She smiled and gave a soft laugh. "You look
absolutely ravishing tonight. I don't think you've ever looked more
beautiful to me, than right now" he continued. His mouth made a slow
path across her neck, kissing and nibbling along the skin. She moaned
contentedly, but knew they shouldn't do this. "Angel" she hissed as
he found another tender spot to continue his ministrations. He didn't
respond only moved up her neck once again. "Angel" she said more
firmly. His head lifted to look her in the eyes. "I really am
enjoying this, but I'm thinking different tactic, this time around"
she told him. "How so?" he asked warily. "The straight to sex thing
didn't work overly well for us, last time, if you hadn't noticed. I
kinda want to take things slow" she explained. He was quiet for a
moment. `That means more cold showers.' "I still get touching
privileges, right?" he asked finally. She laughed at him, "yes, you
can touch, just not in the overly lusty way" she clarified. "I can
handle that" he whispered returning to his earlier ministrations on
her neck. "Life is good," she whispered happily as he bit along her
collar bone. Angel backed them towards the family room.

      "Wake up" she whispered in his ear. Angel stirred slightly
and he groaned. `She's waking me up first thing in the morning. This
could be worse. It could be better.... but it could be
worse.' "Angel, come on, get up" she whined. Angel opened an eye to
look at her. She was nearly bouncing with excitement at the foot of
his bed. He had to laugh. "Why do I have to get up? It's Sunday." She
stared at him, "first of all, it's nearly one o'clock in the
afternoon. Plus, some furniture for the baby's rom got delivered
today and I need you to assemble it." Angel groaned again. `Wake me
up when it's over.' She pulled the blankets from the bed before he
could bury himself in them again. "Alright, I'm up" he muttered, and
put on a puppy dog face. "Five more minutes?" he asked. "Nice try"
she returned with a sarcastic smile. She carried the bedding with her
as she walked away. "You're evil Summers" he yelled after her, as she
headed back upstairs. "You still love me" she yelled back. "That I
do," he muttered, "that I do." Angel was still laughing as he quickly
dressed for what was left of the day.

      `Some furniture to assemble my ass.' Angel had finally
finished constructing the swing that was to sit in the corner as
Buffy had insisted. That was thankfully the last piece of furniture.
The crib and change table had been relatively easy, just some
brackets and screws but the swing had taken him almost an hour. It
was six o'clock now and Angel could smell something being made
downstairs. "I made dinner" Buffy hollered up the stairs, on
cue. "Coming" Angel yelled back as he stood and surveyed his son's
room. The white walls were plain except for a band of navy blue along
the ceiling. Buffy had finished the walls long before he'd arrived,
but with the navy blue plaid bedding in the oak crib, it was really
starting to look like a nursery. He must have stood there longer than
he thought, because Buffy's whine from downstairs brought him out of
his trance. He quickly moved out of the room and down the
stairs. "Come on, I actually cooked something, and you are not going
to let it go to waste" she told him from where she stood at the
bottom of the stairs. "Sorry" he apologized coming to stand beside
her. "You better be," she teased. Angel escorted her back to the
kitchen where she'd set the table with two plates of spaghetti. "I
thought you said you could only make sandwiches," he remarked as the
took their seats. "Well, spaghetti and sandwiches" she returned with
a wry smile. They ate in relative silence, each just savouring the
moment.

      "Okay, I swear to you, this is it" she pleaded. Angel took in
her pout and wide eyes. "You are going to have to make this up to me
big time, Summers" he returned with a wink. She returned a sly
smile, "I think I can find a way to make this up to you Mr O'Leary."
He laughed as he hauled the rocking chair towards the stairs. "Ooh,
what about Brynn..." Buffy read from the book of baby names spread in
front of her. Angel stopped at the foot of the stairs, "Brynn?" he
asked with a slight grimace. "What wrong with it?" she exclaimed in
response. "Isn't it kind of girly?" he asked. "And Angel isn't?"she
teased. Angel frowned in return, "it's not my real name, it was
nickname and worked well to use for my work" he replied. "Then what's
your real name?" she asked. "Liam" he answered as he started to haul
the chair up the stairs. Buffy struggled to her feet to follow
him. `Dear Lord, if at eight months, I'm this big, how the hell big
is this kid going to be?'  "Hey, Brynn is Irish...you're Irish. It
makes sense" she called after him, slowly taking the stairs. `Either
we're getting an elevator or I'm never getting pregnant again.' "Keep
looking, Buffy" Angel yelled back, from his son's room. Buffy flipped
through some pages, "Aidan?" she asked. Angel stepped out of the
finished nursery, "I kind of like it" he admitted. "It's good. Aidan
Brynn O'Leary, I like it." Angel groaned but followed as she walked
towards their room. He'd moved his stuff upstairs after their hour
long make out session on the couch. " For future reference, which
side of the bed do you like?" she asked as she pulled some pyjamas
from her armoire. "Doesn't matter" Angel replied to her back, as she
headed for the bathroom. Angel quickly shed his pants and shirt, clad
only in his boxers, he climbed into bed. It was few minutes before
Buffy re-entered the room in her own pyjamas that consisted of a silk
top, with matching silk pants. `Can he look any better, while I look
like a cow?' "Ta da" she whispered striking a pose. "Come to bed," he
remarked and pulled back the covers for her. Buffy slid into the
comfy soft sheets of her bed. Angel wrapped his arms around her
distended waist, resting his hands over his son. She snuggled back
against his chest. "This is heaven" he whispered in her ear. She
laughed softly in the darkened room, "you better enjoy it now,
because in a month or so, our son's going to be interrupting plenty
of moments like this." Angel pressed a gentle kiss to her
temple, "and I wouldn't trade it for the world."